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What are some body language cues that can help de-escalate conflict with a coworker?

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Conflict with a coworker can be stressful and damaging to your work environment and relationships. Sometimes, words are not enough to calm the situation and prevent further escalation. That's why it's important to pay attention to your body language cues and signals, as they can communicate a lot about your emotions, intentions, and attitudes. In this article, we'll share some body language tips that can help you de-escalate conflict with a coworker and show that you are willing to listen, cooperate, and resolve the issue.

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Kripa Murzello, Ph.D.

Assistant Vice President, Head R&D Biologicals
Leonor R.

Coach de desarrollo y bienestar profesional
Aarti Ramanathan

Quality Management & Customer Success Specialist | Ex-Capita | Ex -3 Global Services | Ex - Wipro

1 Maintain eye contact

Eye contact is one of the most powerful body language cues that can convey respect, confidence, and interest. When you are in a conflict with a coworker, maintaining eye contact can show that you are not avoiding the problem, that you are taking them seriously, and that you are open to their perspective. However, be careful not to stare or glare, as that can be interpreted as aggression or intimidation. Instead, use a soft and steady gaze that matches your tone of voice and facial expression.

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Michael Maiolo

Aspiring Cyber Security Analyst (Proficient in Python & Linux CLI) | Expert in Security Operations | Accomplished Leader
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Body language plays a crucial role in de-escalating conflict with a coworker. Firstly, maintain open and non-threatening body posture by facing them directly, keeping arms uncrossed, and maintaining appropriate eye contact. Use calming gestures like nodding and leaning slightly forward to show empathy and understanding. Avoid aggressive or defensive postures, such as crossing arms or standing too close. Additionally, regulate your breathing and speak in a calm, even tone to convey reassurance and sincerity. These cues can help create a more conducive environment for resolving conflicts amicably.

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Isabelle Menzi

Dein Auftritt mit Wirkung - Souver?n, Klar, Authentisch - vor Kunden, Teams oder Publikum. Auftrittscoaching für Einzelpersonen und Unternehmen in Politik und Wirtschaft.
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Der schnellste und effektivste Weg, mit einer anderen Person Verbindung aufzunehmen, ist der Blickkontakt. Das Gegenüber fühlt sich angesprochen und wertgesch?tzt. So kann Vertrauen aufgebaut werden und eine Beziehung entstehen. Was vielfach untersch?tzt wird: Auch mit einem gr?sseren Publikum kann ich Augenkontakt herstellen. Indem ich den Blick gezielt an unterschiedlichsten Punkten im Publikum richte und dort kurz verweile, fühlen sich mehr direkt angesprochen. Die Aufmerksamkeit steigt.

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2 Use open gestures

Your gestures can also reveal a lot about your state of mind and attitude towards the conflict. If you cross your arms, clench your fists, or point your finger, you are sending a message that you are defensive, angry, or accusatory. These gestures can make the other person feel attacked or rejected, and trigger a negative response. On the other hand, if you use open gestures, such as spreading your arms, nodding your head, or tilting your body slightly towards the other person, you are showing that you are relaxed, receptive, and cooperative. These gestures can make the other person feel more comfortable and willing to engage in a constructive dialogue.

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Leonor R.

Coach de desarrollo y bienestar profesional
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- Open palms: Showing open palms is a gesture that communicates openness, sincerity, and a willingness to listen. - Open posture: Keep an open and relaxed body posture, avoiding crossing your arms or adopting a defensive stance. This shows a willingness to dialogue and resolve differences constructively. - Soothing gestures: Use gentle and soothing gestures, such as slow and fluid movements, to convey calmness and emotional control. Avoiding abrupt or aggressive gestures that may increase tension. - Relax the muscles in your body, move naturally and without tension. - Position your body towards the person and lean forward.

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Isabelle Menzi

Dein Auftritt mit Wirkung - Souver?n, Klar, Authentisch - vor Kunden, Teams oder Publikum. Auftrittscoaching für Einzelpersonen und Unternehmen in Politik und Wirtschaft.
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Gesten oberhalb des Bauchnabels und von unten nach oben wirken freundlich, offen und vertrauenswürdig. Zeige ich zudem noch meine Handfl?chen verst?rkt sich diese Wirkung noch.

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3 Mirror the other person

Mirroring is a body language technique that involves subtly mimicking the movements, expressions, or posture of the other person. It can create a sense of rapport, trust, and empathy, as it shows that you are paying attention and that you are on the same wavelength. Mirroring can also help you regulate your emotions and calm yourself down, as you align yourself with the other person's mood and pace. However, be careful not to overdo it or make it obvious, as that can be seen as mocking or insincere. Instead, use mirroring sparingly and naturally, and only when it makes sense in the context.

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Isabelle Menzi

Dein Auftritt mit Wirkung - Souver?n, Klar, Authentisch - vor Kunden, Teams oder Publikum. Auftrittscoaching für Einzelpersonen und Unternehmen in Politik und Wirtschaft.
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Das bewusste Spiegeln eines Gegenübers zeigt, dass ich einverstanden bin, dass ich positiv eingestellt bin. Im Umkehrschluss kann ich auf eine positive Haltung mir gegenüber z?hlen, wenn mein Gegenüber (oftmals unbewusst) meine Haltung, meine Gestik spiegelt.

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4 Smile appropriately

A smile can be a powerful tool to diffuse tension, lighten the mood, and express goodwill. However, not all smiles are created equal, and some can have the opposite effect. If you smile too much, too little, or at the wrong time, you can come across as insincere, sarcastic, or dismissive. Therefore, it's important to smile appropriately, depending on the situation and the message you want to convey. For example, you can smile when you greet the other person, when you acknowledge their point of view, or when you reach an agreement. However, avoid smiling when you disagree, when you criticize, or when you apologize, as that can be seen as disrespectful or dishonest.

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Isabelle Menzi

Dein Auftritt mit Wirkung - Souver?n, Klar, Authentisch - vor Kunden, Teams oder Publikum. Auftrittscoaching für Einzelpersonen und Unternehmen in Politik und Wirtschaft.
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Ein L?cheln kostet nichts, kann jedoch grosse Auswirkungen haben. Schenke ich meinem Gegenüber ein L?cheln, kommt vielfach ein L?cheln zurück. Damit kann ich auch bewusst eine angenehme und positive Atmosph?re schaffen.

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5 Avoid negative signals

Finally, there are some body language signals that you should avoid at all costs, as they can escalate the conflict and damage your relationship with the other person. These include rolling your eyes, shaking your head, sighing, frowning, or raising your eyebrows. These signals can indicate that you are bored, annoyed, impatient, or contemptuous, and that you are not interested in what the other person has to say. They can also provoke a defensive or hostile reaction from the other person, and make them feel that you are not taking them seriously or that you are judging them. Therefore, try to keep your facial expressions neutral or positive, and avoid any gestures that can be perceived as rude or dismissive.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Kripa Murzello, Ph.D.

Assistant Vice President, Head R&D Biologicals
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Smile and be genuine! Don’t fake it till you make it! It’s important to have an open conversation and more importantly be open to listening as much as you may be tempted to contradict or react in a negative manner. The best conversations are two sided conversations, and the best way to get your point across is to listen without getting defensive or aggressive.

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Aarti Ramanathan

Quality Management & Customer Success Specialist | Ex-Capita | Ex -3 Global Services | Ex - Wipro
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A genuine tone of voice, focused eye contact, body language reflecting an open mind ready to absorb every word spoken, attentive ears that truly listen, not just catch fragments of the conversation and an attitude conveying, "I am committed to finding a solution to the current issue and exploring every available avenue to achieve resolution.” These non-verbal signs create an atmosphere of empathy, understanding and receptiveness thereby creating a stage for constructive dialogues and conflict resolution.

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What are some body language cues that can help de-escalate conflict with a coworker?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Maintain eye contact

2 Use open gestures

3 Mirror the other person

4 Smile appropriately

5 Avoid negative signals

6 Here’s what else to consider

Communication

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What are some body language cues that can help de-escalate conflict with a coworker?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Maintain eye contact

2 Use open gestures

3 Mirror the other person

4 Smile appropriately

5 Avoid negative signals

6 Here’s what else to consider

Communication

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