Relationship building is a valuable skill that can help you achieve your personal and professional goals. However, sometimes your own thinking can get in the way of forming and maintaining positive connections with others. In this article, you will learn about some common reasoning errors that can undermine your relationships and how to avoid them.
Confirmation bias is the tendency to seek, interpret, and remember information that confirms your existing beliefs and ignore or dismiss evidence that contradicts them. This can lead to distorted perceptions of reality, selective memory, and resistance to change. In relationships, confirmation bias can cause you to overestimate your compatibility with someone, ignore their flaws or feedback, or dismiss their opinions or perspectives. To avoid confirmation bias, you need to be open-minded, curious, and willing to challenge your own assumptions. You can also seek out diverse sources of information, perspectives, and feedback, and try to understand the reasons behind different views.
One way I’ve overcome confirmation bias is to actively engage with dissenting opinions. Seeking out and listening to points of view that challenges my opinion exposes me to greater spectrum of information. Engaging in constructive discussions give me valuable insight and hopefully leads me a more balanced understanding of sometimes complex issues.
An example of challenging own assumptions is actively debating the other side of the conversation. When I have a hypothesis or belief about a situation, I will intentionally research perspectives and other sources of information to win the "other side of the argument" in a debate. This allows me to broaden perspective. Finding a 360 degree approach to a problem or situation from every stakeholder's point of view is exceptionally helpful when creating solutions for a marketplace. When we can adequately debate both sides of a conversation, we can understand more fully any given situation.
Fundamental attribution error is the tendency to attribute other people's behavior to their personality traits or character, rather than to the situation or context. This can lead to unfair judgments, stereotypes, and blame. In relationships, fundamental attribution error can cause you to overlook the external factors that influence someone's actions, such as stress, emotions, or circumstances, and to assume that they are acting intentionally, maliciously, or selfishly. To avoid fundamental attribution error, you need to be empathetic, compassionate, and respectful. You can also try to put yourself in someone else's shoes, consider the situational factors that affect their behavior, and ask them about their motives or feelings.
I have personally found asking questions and listening for understanding to be an essential skillset to overcome fundamental attribution error. Simply asking the facts is not enough, drilling into the emotional aspect is key and offering a safe space to share will allow better contextual and situational awareness. Another great perspective is the viewpoint that all judgement is self judgement. This allows the thoughts of malicious intent etc to fall away - as everyone sees and reacts from their lens of perspective and based upon their experiences. If I find myself making a judgement/ assessment to character vs situation, I ask myself what am I judging about myself in the situation and can address from a self leadership perspective.
False consensus effect is the tendency to overestimate the extent to which other people share your opinions, beliefs, or preferences. This can lead to overconfidence, conformity, and groupthink. In relationships, false consensus effect can cause you to assume that someone agrees with you, likes what you like, or wants what you want, without checking with them or listening to them. This can result in misunderstandings, conflicts, or disappointment. To avoid false consensus effect, you need to be humble, respectful, and attentive. You can also ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and acknowledge differences or disagreements.
Halo effect is the tendency to form a positive or negative impression of someone based on one trait or aspect, and then generalize it to their whole personality or character. This can lead to biased evaluations, unrealistic expectations, or favoritism. In relationships, halo effect can cause you to idealize or demonize someone, based on a single attribute, such as their appearance, intelligence, or charisma, and ignore or downplay their other qualities or flaws. To avoid halo effect, you need to be objective, realistic, and fair. You can also try to evaluate someone holistically, based on multiple criteria and evidence, and recognize their strengths and weaknesses.
Sunk cost fallacy is the tendency to continue investing in something that is not working or beneficial, because of the time, money, or effort that has already been spent on it. This can lead to irrational decisions, wasted resources, or missed opportunities. In relationships, sunk cost fallacy can cause you to stay in a toxic, abusive, or unhappy relationship, because of the history, commitment, or sacrifices that you have made for it, and ignore the present or future costs or benefits of leaving or changing it. To avoid sunk cost fallacy, you need to be rational, flexible, and proactive. You can also try to focus on the present and future outcomes, weigh the pros and cons of different options, and seek alternative or better opportunities.
Knowing "when to hold them and when to fold them" is essential - having the key performance indicators and looking at the numbers can take the emotion out of decision making processes. With relationships, I have found a basic assessment to be a rating scale: A = positive interaction 90% or more of the time, B = positive interaction 75% or more of the time C = 50-74% and D = below 50%. Any relationships that are D are culled immediately. Entrepreneurship is hard and there is no space for negative individuals personally or professionally. Any C relationships are given further look - how can I set a better boundary or improve to a B or better? Prioritizing time with A followed by B relationships always makes the culling easier.