What are the most common mistakes when receiving feedback?

This defensiveness typically stems from a mix of emotions, including fear, pride, and a sense of vulnerability. Firstly, there's the fear of being judged or criticized. Feedback can feel like a personal attack, triggering a fight-or-flight response. Secondly, pride plays a role. We all want to believe we're doing well, and feedback that challenges this perception can bruise our egos. Finally, feedback can make us feel vulnerable because it highlights areas where we may need improvement, reminding us that we're not perfect. However, it's essential to remember that constructive feedback is not meant to be an attack on one's character but rather an opportunity for growth and improvement.

Receiving tough feedback is never fun, but GIVING feedback can also be a challenge. Knowing this, I try and remind myself that if the person giving me the feedback felt strong enough to share it (and they likely are feeling somewhat uncomfortable too) then it is likely something I need to reflect on and they are probably looking out for me and my growth. By nature, I am not one to typically make split second decisions so I like to take some time and reflect. I always mention this to the feedback giver so they don’t feel like I’m not listening but rather taking the time to rethink how I can improve. I make sure to thank them for their perspective because regardless of my feelings about it, there is probably at least some truth to it.

Being defensive is natural and normal as it comes from taking pride in what is being done/achieved. Putting that aside and seeing the different perspectives and viewpoints can help. Good constructive feedback is aimed at achieving a positive outcome and providing people with comments, advice, or suggestions that are useful.

Humans naturally tend to be defensive due to our instinctual survival mechanisms. We instinctively protect ourselves from harm, pain, or discomfort, seen in actions like pulling away from pain or moving from extreme temperatures. This defensiveness extends to receiving feedback, as we are inclined to embrace praise and feel discomfort with criticism. However, to grow, we must train our minds to see feedback as an opportunity for improvement, acknowledging our imperfections. Something I found helpful is learning to seek diverse feedback, and staying open-minded facilitate growth. While overcoming defensiveness is an ongoing journey, with a proactive and receptive mindset, we can learn, evolve, and ultimately master this aspect of our nature.

It's tough to not take feedback and criticism personally. But, that's exactly what you have to do when receiving constructive input on your work. Being able to separate yourself and your emotions from your work can allow you to more easily take harsh feedback. You just have to tell yourself that while they may be judging your work, they're not judging you as a person. So don't take the feedback as a direct critic of yourself, rather just that specific piece of work. By separating ourselves from our work, we can more easily put ourselves in the feedback givers point of view and understand where they're coming from, so that we can improve our work based on the remarks. Learning this skill can endear you with managers and colleagues alike.

I believe that people will interrupt/argue when they feel that they are not being heard. Holding space for and actually listening to another person is a skill which can be learned, but with today's technology it seems almost impossible. The times that I have been in a one on one with a higher up and them be on their phones "taking care of business" is mind boggling. Put down the phones, remove yourself from behind desks, focus, listen and take hand written notes if needed so that you can listen and review with the person what it is YOU heard, before closing and moving forward with a solution. If someone feels respected and valued as a human being, their desire to interrupt/argue tends to diminish.

During a feedback session, interrupting or arguing can be counterproductive. It's crucial to create a constructive and respectful environment. Interrupting can prevent valuable insights from being shared, while arguing can escalate tension. Instead, listen actively, ask clarifying questions, and respond thoughtfully to feedback. This approach promotes a more productive and collaborative feedback process, ultimately leading to personal and professional growth.

When receiving feedback it is natural to want to explain any reasoning behind your actions at an attempt to provide wider context to your supervisor/colleague. This can also give the impression that you are not willing to take responsibility for your actions. Instead of dwelling on the past situation, it is best to focus your attention on the present conversation and the feedback provided. Interacting with the feedback and developing on how you can improve your future self is a lot more important and impressive in a supervisor's eyes!

Getting feedback, especially negative one, is quite difficult because the first instinct is to contradict the feedback giver. There are many reasons why this happens, but I tend to believe that the main ones are: the person receiving the feedback does not trust the feedback giver, the feedback giver does not present the overall situation, only some blunt conclusion. Last but not least, people tend to defend their own personal points of view, sometimes even after realizing that the feedback giver is right.

Setting expectations in the beginning of the discussion, in terms of its flow , who will speak and when they will get to speak can minimize the risk of interruptions. Also the person giving the feedback should expect to be interrupted and be ready with how they will communicate with the assesee in terms of handling such interruptions.

It becomes difficult to forget or not follow through with things that you discover as important. If it's worthwhile, it will stick and find its way through. What has worked for me, is to try and understand why the particular feedback holds importance and the rest follows.

I believe that a good way to remember the feedback is summarising it back to the feedback giver. Doing this has the additional benefit that is a way of making sure that the feedback receiver has understood properly what the feedback received said. In my view, ignoring a feedback all together means that the feedback receiver is not ready for the feedback itself or isn't willing to challenge themselves. There could be a case where the feedback seems wrong to the receiver but that's to be discussed face to face with the giver.

If we simply ignore feedback we will miss out opportunities to improve! There’s always something we can learn even if the feedback is negative

I believe this happens when people or employee who are working from long time receive feedback from people who are young ones . As they believe they are long term employees it's kind of disrespectful for them when someone give negative feedback. Instead of that it should be taken as a positive because no one has personal grudges just need to explore and understand their viewpoint also.

A common mistake when getting feedback is only paying attention to the parts that make you feel good or you already agree with. This is called "Confirmation Bias." It can make you miss out on chances to get better. You should listen to all types of feedback, even the stuff that's hard to hear. To avoid this mistake, try to focus on everything that's being said. It might also help to talk about the feedback with someone who doesn't have a side, to make sure you're understanding it right.

For most of us humans, this is the hardest thing to do. I have only met one person ever who accepted negative feedback easily. Her personality was such that she was brutally honest, did not have the capacity to lie and viewed negative feedback as great news and positive feedback as neutral news. From her, I learned to view feedback as "for me, not about me," to never respond before taking 3 deep breaths, and always to say, That's interesting! Then STOP and wait for the other person to fill the air. This allows our brain to recalibrate, the afterbite to recede and even disappear and gives us the opportunity to remain in calm control.

Feedback is easier to receive when you have been given positive feedback more than negative. If all you are giving someone are areas they need to improve they will become discouraged. Give more positive than negative feedback and frame the areas that need improvement or change in a neutral tone. Mirroring is huge. For the giver as well as the receiver of feedback. Remaining calm is key to communicating.

Feedback floats through the air, landing on ears unaware. Don't let words pierce like darts, pricking fragile hearts. Receive each perspective, remove the subjective. Growth depends not on self, but the collective. With open minds and patient hearts, improvement starts.

Even if you are ready for feedback and willing not to take it personally, feedback is always a personal thing only. No one loves to hear bad things about himself/herself. So it depends mostly on someone who is giving feedback to make it pleasant or acceptable to the person who is receiving it. Basically receiving and giving feedback both are challenging things and you need special efforts to master the process. Always think about the perspective of another person this one thing surely going to help. Further always believe that the intent of feedback is meant for betterment. When you believe that this feedback will help you to enhance yourself, ultimately you can digest the personal thing of feedback.

This happens when the person you're getting the feedback from has violated your trust or has treated you unfairly. We tend to reject good or sound feedback from people who we don't like. Often because they don't like us either - so we assume that they will never say anything positive about us. The best way to manage this situation is to ensure that you're managing your relationships well at work - especially with your manager. That would be beneficial for you to have an open mind later on. If you aren't able to - go into these conversations with a mental note of taking what's good and leaving what's bad. Ask about the feedback that's been brought up that you may disagree with. Always stay calm, and never lose your cool.

I think that for humans, it becomes difficult to consider what others may find relevant or helpful in these situations, as everyone sees things through their own lens. The key for me, is to try and not think that others reasons/intentions are irrelevant or unhelpful but to try and see the reason that "this person" feels it is relevant and helpful. Once I can establish and understand how they are viewing the problem individually, we can work together to try and realign the focus to bring about the desired end result.

I agree, feedback is not about dwelling in the past, rather learning from it to perform better in the future. It is usual that we want to "defend" ourselves or justify our performance when we receive negative feedback, but the smart thing to do would be to listen carefully, take time to think about it, and, if necessary, explain reasons or intentions after a day or two, if you still think it's relevant.

I find it very hard to accept this part of the article... "Try to accept the feedback and admit your mistakes or shortcomings." Accepting any kind of feedback without having the chance to state your own opinion... is not quite democratic, to say the least. Everyone should have the right to speak up and explain how they see things. And feedback giving is just a dialogue in a normal world.

Seek clarification when feedback is vague or unclear. Request specific examples to understand the context and reasons behind the feedback. So you will make sure their message context is clear and not to give negative responses after it.

Receiving feedback, particularly when it highlights areas of improvement, often triggers an instinctive urge to justify our actions. It's vital to ensure that when we do provide reasons, they stem from genuine introspection and honesty. Authenticity is invaluable; it's better to own up to mistakes with sincerity than to offer insincere explanations. Life is a continual learning curve, and genuine growth springs from acknowledging our errors. While honesty may occasionally result in momentary setbacks or misunderstandings, in the long run, it fosters trust and respect. It's essential to live a life true to oneself, unmasked and genuine. Taking responsibility, embracing transparency, even when challenging, paves the way for progress.

Sometimes, individuals have a tendency to overgeneralize feedback or take it too personally. They may interpret one piece of feedback as a reflection of their overall abilities or worth. It's crucial to understand that feedback is specific to a particular situation and should not define your entire identity or capabilities. Avoid getting caught up in negative self-talk and focus on using the feedback to grow and develop.

Save your feedback for the right time. Don't just jump on to giving feedback as and when you feel like. Feedback should be given when you know the other party is prepared for it or when you know that they have the context. Coming to receiving the feedback, Always ask the feedback giver to quantify their insights so that it helps you understand how much you are lagging behind. Once you know what areas you have to improve, just work on them and become better than before.

Many individuals tend to become defensive or take feedback personally when it is provided, often influenced by the manner in which the feedback is delivered. However, it's crucial to maintain an open mind when receiving feedback in order to grasp the valuable insights it offers.

I read 'feedback' as an SMS informing me: Make urgent changes essential for what awaits tomorrow. However, we often fail to look at feedback as a potential source of self-reflection and self-improvement for our professional-personal journey ahead. Probably, because of our lackadaisical attitude toward change as it brings with it the necessary inconvenience and uncertainty. We rather love working in an automated work process! Where everything must work as it has been for years. Why bother about the improvisation? For feedback to work for us -we need to have an open mind and understand that feedback can actually lay the roadmap for a more efficient and effective us tomorrow. We need to value and inculcate the habit of lifelong learning.

"The Four Agreements" is an insightful book to read and then put the ideas into practice in your life. The premise of the book is that we have self-limiting beliefs that create suffering and decrease joy. The four agreements are: be impeccable with your word; don't take anything personally; don't make assumptions; and always do your best. There are so many more great thoughts in this book, but this gives the general idea.