What do you do if you're receiving criticism without getting defensive?

1 Understand the purpose

The first step to receiving criticism without getting defensive is to understand the purpose of the feedback. Is it meant to help you improve your performance, your skills, or your relationships? Is it based on facts, observations, or expectations? Or is it motivated by personal feelings, biases, or agendas? By clarifying the purpose of the criticism, you can assess its validity, relevance, and usefulness for your development.

2 Listen actively

The second step to receiving criticism without getting defensive is to listen actively to what the other person is saying. This means paying attention to their words, tone, and body language, and avoiding interruptions, distractions, or assumptions. Active listening shows that you respect the other person's perspective, and that you're willing to hear them out. It also helps you to understand their message, their emotions, and their intentions.

3 Ask questions

The third step to receiving criticism without getting defensive is to ask questions to clarify any doubts, confusion, or misunderstandings. Questions can help you to get more details, examples, or suggestions from the other person, and to check if you have the same understanding of the situation. Asking questions also demonstrates that you're interested in learning from the feedback, and that you're open to dialogue and discussion.

4 Acknowledge the feedback

The fourth step to receiving criticism without getting defensive is to acknowledge the feedback and thank the other person for sharing it with you. Acknowledging the feedback doesn't mean that you agree with everything they say, or that you accept it without question. It means that you recognize their effort, their point of view, and their contribution to your improvement. Thanking the other person shows that you appreciate their honesty, their courage, and their support.

5 Reflect on the feedback

The fifth step to receiving criticism without getting defensive is to reflect on the feedback and decide what to do with it. Reflection can help you to identify your strengths, weaknesses, and areas for improvement, and to evaluate the feedback against your own goals, values, and standards. Reflection can also help you to cope with any negative emotions, such as anger, hurt, or frustration, that the feedback may have triggered. Reflection can help you to turn criticism into constructive action.

6 Respond appropriately

The sixth and final step to receiving criticism without getting defensive is to respond appropriately to the feedback and the feedback giver. Depending on the situation, your response may vary from expressing your agreement, disagreement, or appreciation, to requesting more information, clarification, or guidance, to proposing a plan of action, a solution, or a compromise. Your response should be respectful, honest, and professional, and should aim to maintain or enhance the relationship with the other person.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?