What do you do if you're feeling defensive about feedback from colleagues?

1 Pause First

When hit with feedback that triggers defensiveness, the first step is to pause and take a deep breath. This moment of pause is not just about regaining composure; it's about giving yourself the space to switch from a reactive mindset to a reflective one. By doing so, you allow your rational thought processes to take the lead over emotional impulses. This pause can be the difference between a knee-jerk defensive response and a thoughtful consideration of what's been said. Remember, the feedback isn't an attack on your character, but rather an opportunity to view your work through someone else's lens.

2 Reflect Calmly

After pausing, engage in calm reflection. Consider why the feedback might have struck a nerve. Is it touching on a truth you're reluctant to acknowledge, or is it perhaps misinformed? Reflecting calmly allows you to dissect the feedback objectively and evaluate its validity without letting emotions cloud your judgment. This isn't about making excuses for your work or looking for faults in the feedback; it's about honestly assessing the situation and identifying areas where you can learn and grow.

3 Seek Clarity

Once you've reflected on the feedback, seek clarity from your colleague. This involves asking questions to better understand their perspective and the specifics of their critique. It's important to approach this conversation with genuine curiosity rather than defensiveness or hostility. By seeking clarity, you demonstrate a willingness to engage with the feedback constructively, and you may uncover valuable insights that were not immediately apparent.

4 Acknowledge Points

Acknowledging valid points in the feedback is a crucial step in dealing with defensiveness. It shows that you're open to others' observations and are willing to recognize when they have merit. This doesn't mean you have to agree with everything that's been said, but acknowledging the parts that are true can build trust and show that you're committed to self-improvement. It also sets the stage for a more balanced and productive dialogue about your performance.

5 Propose Solutions

With a clear understanding of the feedback and its valid points acknowledged, the next step is to propose solutions or ways to address the concerns raised. This proactive approach shifts the focus from what went wrong to how things can be improved moving forward. It also demonstrates your problem-solving skills and your commitment to doing better. Whether it's through additional training, a change in approach, or seeking more regular feedback, proposing solutions is about taking ownership of your growth.

6 Maintain Perspective

Finally, it's important to maintain perspective. Feedback is just one person's opinion and doesn't define your entire worth or capability. While it's valuable for growth, it should be balanced with your own self-assessment and other people's input. Remember that everyone has room for improvement, and receiving feedback is a normal part of professional development. Keeping this in mind can help you stay grounded and prevent defensiveness from overshadowing the learning opportunity.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?