Parenting and Agile: An Organised Chaos

Discover how Agile methodologies become essential parenting tools, written by Luiza Mshetsyan.

As a digital consultant, throughout the last 10 years I’ve spent countless hours preaching the gospel of Agile, comparing story points to fruit and transportation and telling everyone it’s the only way to live. On the other hand, as a mother, I am navigating the minefield of parenting, where every step is a potential explosion of tears or laughter (mostly my own). My son, now a spirited 1-year-old, has turned my world into a beautiful chaotic mess of food on the ceiling, dreamland baby chatter, and uncountable tiny socks.

During my maternity leave, a time where sleep feels like a distant memory, I undertook a different kind of project—sleep training. Against all odds, I succeeded, and by the time he reached 4 months, he was falling asleep independently, achieving the elusive milestone every parent dreams about. By 6 months, he was sleeping through the night, a triumph that seemed as monumental as any project milestone.

Throughout that period, I discovered something quite interesting - the principles of Agile and parenting are uncannily similar. This journey is not just about managing boards, sprints and nursery runs; it's about embracing the chaos, finding humour in the mess, and realising that, in the end, it's not just about the destination, but the journey that makes us agile parents. And when this realisation came to me, I instantly felt like I’d done this before and knew what to do. Let’s have a look into a couple of similarities that stood out to me the most:

1. Embrace Change

In Agile, we welcome changing requirements, even late in development. Agile processes harness change for the customer’s competitive advantage and deliver continuous value to end users. Similarly, in parenting, change is the only constant. Just when you think you’ve figured out your baby’s sleep schedule, they hit a growth spurt, catch a nasty bug from nursery or just want to hang around ‘til midnight all while you would do anything for a shower and just one episode of House (as binge-watching is a luxury). Embrace it. It’s just your child’s way of making you more adaptable (and keeping you on your toes).

2. Iterative and Incremental Development

Agile believes in iterative and incremental development. We deliver working software frequently, from a couple of weeks to a couple of months, preferring the shorter timescale. Parenting is no different; it's a gradual rollout of features. We don’t raise fully formed adults overnight. They need to crawl first, get stuck in places you never thought they would end up in, pull to stand and finally walk. It’s a step-by-step process, filled with numerous ‘releases’ of developmental milestones.

3. Collaboration and cross-functional team

In Agile, collaboration is key, and cross-functional teams bring diverse skills together. In parenting, it's a team effort too. From diaper-changing specialists to gourmet chefs, our household becomes a cross-functional unit, each member contributing their unique talents to the project of raising a little human. Trust, ownership and knowledge sharing are other ingredients? in the parenting mix. In order for you to go out for a fun day with friends and actually enjoy it, you have to have trust someone with taking care of the baby and make sure you have communicated bedtime routine, nappy changes etc.

4. Retrospectives

Although retrospectives are specific to scrum, I believe any agile team, independent from their chosen framework, could benefit from a good ol’ retro. After every sprint, agile teams that have adapted scrum, hold a retrospective to reflect on what went well and what didn’t, and take actions to improve their ways of working, communication and teamwork. In parenting, we call this ‘lying awake at 3 am questioning all your life choices’. It takes 1 set of keys dropped down the toilet, raw potatoes with teeth marks on them and kitchen utensils hidden in the cracks of your sofa to realise you need to buy more cabinet locks and add it to your to-do list. It’s an essential, albeit exhausting, part of the process.

5. User Feedback

Agile thrives on user feedback to refine the product. Much like software users, babies provide feedback in their own cryptic (and sometimes weird) ways. A 2am scream from the baby’s room is pretty much an angry bug report, and it takes you time to figure out that “ba” means “I’m done” and then, after a while, it’s just the sound a sheep makes. If you don’t understand the user feedback - don’t just ignore it, ask questions to drive a conversation to uncover how that feedback can help you. Adapting to their ever-changing needs is like an ongoing usability test, with results that are sometimes unpredictable but always endearing.

In conclusion, Agile and parenting are both about navigating through chaos and uncertainty, armed with nothing but perseverance and a steady supply of coffee. It’s an acknowledgment that not every challenge comes with a ready-made solution, and that’s perfectly fine. Because, in reality, it’s not solely about reaching a destination, but cherishing the unpredictable and beautiful journey. So, whether you’re sprinting through a software development cycle or pacing the floor at night with a teething baby, remember - you’re not just a project manager or a parent, you’re an Agilist, painting a masterpiece one iteration at a time.