What do you do if your lack of assertiveness is hindering your success as a civil engineer?

1 What is assertiveness?

Assertiveness is the ability to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs in a respectful, honest, and confident way, while also respecting the rights and views of others. It is not the same as aggression, which is the use of force, intimidation, or hostility to get what you want. Nor is it the same as passivity, which is the avoidance of conflict, confrontation, or responsibility. Assertiveness is a balanced and healthy communication style that allows you to assert your rights and interests without violating or harming others.

2 Why is assertiveness important for civil engineers?

Assertiveness is an essential skill for civil engineers, as it helps them communicate more effectively with their clients, colleagues, contractors, and stakeholders. It also allows them to better manage their time, workload, and expectations. Moreover, assertiveness can help civil engineers negotiate contracts, budgets, and deadlines more successfully. Furthermore, it enables them to handle feedback, criticism, and complaints in a constructive manner and resolve conflicts and disputes peacefully and professionally. Additionally, assertiveness can help build trust, respect, and rapport with their team and partners. Finally, it can demonstrate their competence, confidence, and leadership.

3 How can you assess your assertiveness level?

Before you can improve your assertiveness, you need to know where you stand on the assertiveness spectrum. You can use a self-assessment tool, such as the Assertiveness Questionnaire by the Mind Tools website, to measure your assertiveness level and identify your strengths and weaknesses. The questionnaire consists of 15 statements that you rate on a scale of 1 (never) to 5 (always). The higher your score, the more assertive you are. The lower your score, the more passive or aggressive you are.

4 How can you develop your assertiveness skills?

Developing your assertiveness skills takes practice and patience. To get started, you should be aware of your rights and responsibilities as a civil engineer, such as expressing opinions, asking for what you need, saying no to unreasonable requests, and making mistakes. Additionally, use assertive language and body language. Speak clearly, directly, and politely with a firm, calm, and respectful tone of voice. Maintain eye contact and a relaxed posture. Before facing a challenging situation, prepare and rehearse your responses. You can also role-play with a friend or mentor to gain feedback. Lastly, start by being assertive in small and safe situations before progressing to more difficult ones.

5 How can you overcome the barriers to assertiveness?

Being assertive can be difficult, especially if you encounter resistance, hostility, or rejection from others. Additionally, internal barriers such as fear, guilt, or low self-esteem can also prevent you from being assertive. To overcome these obstacles, you can identify and challenge your negative thoughts and beliefs. For instance, if you think that being assertive means being rude or selfish, remind yourself that it is actually respectful and fair to yourself and others; if you think that being assertive will cause conflict or damage your relationships, remind yourself that it can actually improve communication and trust. Additionally, seek support and feedback from friends, colleagues, mentors, or coaches who can encourage and reinforce your assertiveness skills. You can also join a support group, a workshop, or a course that focuses on assertiveness training and development. Lastly, reward yourself for your efforts by celebrating your achievements, acknowledging your progress, or treating yourself to something enjoyable. This will motivate you to keep being assertive and to overcome the challenges.

6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?