What do you do if your confidence wavers during difficult conversations about performance?

Speaking with data is always important and persuasive. Preparing clear data that supports both positive and negative feedback before a performance review will make the discussion easier for you and more convincing for the other party.

It's important to keep in mind there are three sides to every situation like this, your side, the employee's side, and the truth which is usually somewhere in the middle of both. Before jumping into a hard performance management conversation its important to ensure you're grounded in facts and documentation. It is also critical that you've built a relationship with that team member. If you don't know them, I can guarantee you won't have an open and honest conversation. Be prepared that whatever you go in with, could be just your opinion and keep your mind open that there might be more to the situation.

If you find your confidence wavering during performance conversations, take a deep breath and ground yourself. Remind yourself of your expertise & preparation. Listen actively, empathize with the other person's perspective and ask clarifying questions to understand fully. Stay calm, focusing on facts and solutions rather than emotions. If needed, seek support from a mentor or HR. Embrace the opportunity for growth and improvement. Confidence grows with practice, so approach each conversation as a chance to learn and develop.

Begin the conversation by acknowledging the strengths and contributions. Highlight the achievements and positive impact on the team or org. Difficult conversations can evoke emotions. Stay calm, maintain a neutral tone, and avoid becoming defensive. Focus on facts and avoid personal judgments. Sandwich constructive feedback between positive comments. Start with something positive, address the improvement areas, and end on a positive note.

Take a moment to breathe and remind yourself of the purpose: constructive feedback for growth. Stay calm, focus on specific behaviors, and seek solutions together. Preparation, empathy, and a professional demeanor can help navigate these conversations with confidence.

Few important pointers that managers need to consider when they want to strike the right balance during performance discussions: - maintain a trail of documentation of performance gaps and prior discussions with the employee - keep a rigorous trail of the employee's key performance metrics data - where the performance gap is more behavior based, seek feedback from multiple stakeholders on record and provide anecdotal evidence (multiple instances with different stakeholders is preferable to ensure there is minimal personal bias) - keep the discussion ongoing with employee to help you understand where they specifically need support. Sometimes performance gaps could be caused due to a culture assimilation issue rather than a competency gap.

Keep the discussion focused on specific examples, behaviors, and outcomes rather than making generalized statements or assumptions. This approach helps to maintain objectivity and clarity.

Absolutely, maintaining focus on factual information is key during performance conversations. It's important to discuss specific instances where performance fell short of expectations, steering clear of vague statements that may lead to misinterpretation. By centering the dialogue on observable actions and outcomes, an objective tone is preserved, minimizing the risk of the conversation becoming personal or emotional. This approach not only safeguards confidence but also ensures a productive and constructive exchange aimed at addressing performance concerns effectively.

It's completely normal for confidence to waver during a difficult performance review conversation. One thing I would recommend is to take a deep breath and remind yourself that you are having this conversation to help the individual improve and grow. It may also be helpful to prepare for the conversation in advance, outlining specific examples and feedback to ensure that the discussion remains focused and constructive. Additionally, try to approach the conversation with empathy and a willingness to listen, as this can help create a more open and productive dialogue. Remember, it's okay to acknowledge any nervousness or uncertainty you may be feeling!

One thing I learnt early in my career is the importance of documentation and record keeping. As this could help in Performance discussions, such that when your confidence failures you can speak to documented achievements and find strengths in the pride of a job well done This could also help you and your line manager see what could have created an oversight or even an unconscious bias and redirect both of you to an equitable performance review.

True, but don’t overlook or devalue your perspective as an impartial observer. Professional boxers rely on trainers to see their performance from a different angle and provide critical, no-nonsense feedback between rounds. Why? Because transparency, honesty, and accuracy of communication can mean the difference between winning the title and landing face first on the canvas. So put away the kid gloves and act like a pro. As a manager, you have a vital role to play. It’s not a judgmental critic. It’s a caretaker in their corner. Once you change that perspective, giving tough feedback becomes much easier.

Indeed, incorporating empathy is crucial for preserving confidence during challenging conversations. It's essential to endeavor to understand the employee's perspective and actively listen to their concerns. By doing so, rapport is built, and issues can be addressed more effectively. Demonstrating a genuine appreciation for their viewpoint not only fosters mutual respect but also strengthens your own confidence. This collaborative approach ensures that the conversation remains constructive and facilitates a positive outcome for all involved parties.

Want to know a “cheeky” way to manage your emotions, especially if you think you might cry (it sounds crazy but it works and I will explain why): tense your glutes (buttock muscles). Why: - it distracts your mind and diverts attention away from emotional stimuli - when focusing on tensing specific muscle groups it can activate you “fight or flight” response, which can momentarily suppress emotional reaction and help you regain control of your emotions - it promotes a sense of physical grounding and stability which may reduce feelings of vulnerability or feeling overwhelmed But it is important to note, this is only a temporary coping strategy, it is essential to address and process underlying emotions in a healthy way like seeking support.

All of these perspectives and tips are great and true, but sometimes simply stating to the person that the conversation is not easy for you either and meaning it sincerely can relieve that internal stress of you trying to maintain your emotions. Then, it is being stated in a healthy manner and you can shift focus, even with a breath, to the task at hand.

If you believe that both yourself and your employee are unable to remain calm, and you anticipate that the discussion will not be constructive, you can reschedule the meeting for a different day with the agreement of the other party. This allows both sides to take some time to think and calm down.

When I know a conversation is going to be more challenging then usual, I role-play with either the person's manager or a fellow HR professional. Role-play allows you to react to curveballs ahead of time, increase confidence and helps the fellow role-player to also learn how to address the challenging discussion.

Stay calm. Redirect the focus. I will stick to the facts. The achievements should involve the procedures, the process and the results. Will tell the obstacles and how to manage those and who were involved during the activities. Most importantly, lesson learned and how to anticipate next one and be better.

A manager's job is to enable success and is therefore forward looking. Accordingly, Managers conversation is unlikely to be difficult. Individuals job is to do a detailed self assessment so any difficult conversation is actually with the individual as the rear view mirror is with the individual.

To manager difficult conversations it is important to be aware of the facts around performance. One needs to be prepared, calm and futuristic in approach. The emotions need to be managed by being pragmatic. The reliability is always based on facts and that is how it boosts confidence.

Dont take appraisal very seriously, you can present your performance against set target and let management to decide what they think about you. After 18 years of working, I understood, its useless to argue/debate with management, they have their own priorities, based on that they decide each and everything. HR also wont be able to support in this context much. Focus on learning core things, use it for getting better opportunities if your knowledge and skills are not getting valued.

During difficult performance conversations, it's normal for confidence to waver. Instead of suppressing this uncertainty, acknowledge it. Understand that vulnerability can encourage empathy and connection. So, embrace the discomfort as a catalyst for growth, signaling areas for self-reflection and improvement. Approach the conversation with authenticity, focusing on constructive dialogue and mutual understanding. By doing so, you cultivate an environment conducive to meaningful progress and development.

I try to concentrate on the situations wherein I exhibited my strengths and overcome my challanges Also I recollect the support I got and the faith reposed in me by my superiors.Finally I believe in my actions