What do you do if your coaching client crosses your established boundaries?

In my experience, it is best to first know yourself as a coach. This is an ongoing process that is critical in establishing boundaries. What do you stand for? Where is your comfort zone? What is legal and ethical? Only then can you establish healthy boundaries and develop a process for confidently sharing them with your clients upfront. This makes recognizing the early signs of boundary violations easier before they become red flags. If unsure or not forthcoming about your boundaries, this could lead to identifying the signs after significant boundary violations have occurred. Identify your boundaries and share them confidently with the client upfront.

We often make ourselves wrong for being too heavily boundaried or too strict in our limits. The reality is that our expectations around behavior are in place for a reason. Saying no is really healthy in ANY relationship - Including a Coaching partnership. Breathe into the moment and ground yourself in calm. What's just happened to cause that feeling of discomfort? That feeling of being uncomfortable, is how you know there's been a breech.

If a coaching client crosses established boundaries, it's crucial to address the situation directly and assertively. Begin by clearly communicating the boundary violation and its impact on the coaching relationship. Reaffirm the boundaries and expectations in a professional yet firm manner. Take time to understand the client's perspective, but maintain clarity on acceptable behavior. If the issue persists or compromises your ability to work effectively, consider terminating the coaching relationship to prioritize your well-being and professional integrity.

Boundary violations should be addressed promptly. In my experience, addressing boundary issues becomes more manageable when the conversation is had at the beginning of the coaching relationship. This enables clients to understand the process for openly communicating challenges related to boundaries and also provides an opportunity to learn the processes that will be implemented when boundaries become blurred or violated. Similar to a fire or safety drill. The policy has been reviewed and acknowledged. We hope we will never have to use it, but it's not a secret or surprise if we do. It's a transparent process that cultivates opportunities for learning and development, except for egregious boundary violations.

If we aren't responding to breeches in our boundaries, often our silence gives permission for the unacceptable behavior to continue. There are second chances, however there's no free pass. At the first sign of a boundary cross, it's imperative to gently but firmly explain your position and how that conduct is unacceptable. Be ready for an explanation - that's ok. Help the client to understand your perspective and how they can take responsibility for their actions in a proactive and empowering way.

Use this as an opportunity to reinforce the coaching relationship's structure and objectives, ensuring both you and the client are aligned. Additionally, help the client understand that these are in place to maintain a supportive and productive environment for the client's growth.

It's essential to remain detached from the result when communicating a boundary breech. Chances are, the other person won't be comfortable with you expressing your boundaries. That's ok. They may be upset at themselves, or you or some emotional condition that precipitated the breech. Stay grounded and firm in your resolve, communicate the breech and your expectations. Then wait.

Knowing which boundary violations can be fixed and which ones negatively impact the relationship is essential. As coaches, we should strive to care for ourselves and do what is in the best interest of our safety and well-being. We should also strive to provide this for our clients. Some situations may require us to refer the client to a different coach who can support the individual more effectively. This is not a knock on us or our abilities; it just is. We must be open to this alternative and not take it personally, allow it to produce negative emotions, or entice us to hold on to a client when the outcomes are not beneficial.

I would assure my mentee that I care about them, but if they don't get their act right, I can't be there like I was before. I've had several friends that I've tried to steer away from crime or sketchy ways of thinking, living, and behaving. If they didn't take me seriously, kept being foolish, or showed a lack of improvement, I fell back and let them learn by themselves. You ever hear of "love them from a distance"? It's sad when you care about someone, but you know that more than likely they won't change anytime soon. I've seen it many times. If some of these friends/mentees truly needed me, then I'd be there. But if it's nothing important, I won't have much to say. Remember: your experiences may be much different than mine!

Breeches in our boundaries as a Coach can also be used as learning experience for our Client. If they've crossed a limit with us, it's quite possible that they have done the same in other relationships either personally or professionally (or both). Help them to understand that boundaries are essential building blocks to healthy relationships and constructed on a foundation of respect. This might open a door to new awareness for the client if the Coach can successfully 'dig deep' around that.