What do you do if your clients lack emotional resilience?

If a client is lacking emotional resilience during his/her role in the organisation ( company ) they work for, I would start by asking questions regarding the organisation, team and identify the organisational dynamics first. That may provide important data about the culture of the organisation. Also ask the coachee about how other people show/ can't show emotional resilience in the same environment . From there I would let the coachee explore in what other organisations and in which different roles she / he face the same challenge. That may help the coachee to see some patterns and identify root causes of not able to build emotional resilience

While the first step in any change process is awareness, gaining this awareness isn’t always easy. One of the greatest gifts we can give our clients is to "hold up the mirror" for our client and help them see their actions, behaviour, circumstances from a new perspective. Low emotional resilience can have many causes, including: stress, burnout, overwhelm, and a resulting neglect of self-care habits. Helping clients clarify their ideal outcome, gain perspective on their current responses, and address the “story” they are telling themselves about the barriers to change, has been invaluable in helping clients improve emotional resilience and create positive change.

Help your client get clear on the outcomes they are seeking and where their resilience is preventing them from moving forward. As they discuss their topic and their challenges, ask open questions like, "What would you do if you had no obstacles?" and "Imagine you had everyone's support, what would happen next?" Take these responses as clarifying examples of what they care about achieving and where their current level of resilience is getting in the way.

In my executive coaching practice, this is a topic hard to bring in because emotional resilience is rooted in psychotherapy and shows up in copying mechanisms that are hard to admit; mostly of the time in denial. I often bring in and utilize executive presence as the theme and work from Poise and Composure elements: Maintaining poise and composure under pressure is a hallmark of executive presence. Even in high-stakes situations or moments of crisis, executives with a strong presence remain calm, collected, and in control of their emotions.

Building awareness around one's emotional responses serves as a crucial step towards self-improvement, encouraging clients to recognize and navigate their feelings effectively. Furthermore, instilling a growth mindset can transform challenges into opportunities for personal and professional development. Lastly, the cultivation of a strong support network, alongside the development of resilience skills, plays an essential role in fostering a sustainable path to emotional robustness.

In coaching, the toughest of clients open up their emotional self when they experience a judgment-free & caring space. Leaders in the corporate world have been encouraged to shut down their emotional self & thus the struggle. However, every human needs a safe space to open, process, & release unhealthy emotions & tap into healthy emotions to consolidate their success & well-being. In my experience, every leader secretly seeks such a space. Additionally, as a coach, when we embody vulnerability, clients slowly shift their beliefs around vulnerability being a weakness. They learn that vulnerability requires strength & courage and it allows us to be our authentic self. This experience can be daunting at first, but eventually hugely liberating.

Awareness will come about naturally as you explore the art of the possible and their saboteurs jump in and interrupt their thinking with the reasons they cannot achieve what they want. These are the moments to build the client's awareness by holding up the metaphorical mirror in these moments of self sabotage to introduce the client to their saboteur voices and the defeatist perspective that voice is providing them with.

In my personal experience, building awareness is a critical step in helping clients with emotional resilience. It's important to know their self-judgments/biases, where do they automatically find fault within themselves or others, which topics do they tend to avoid, and where do they feel inadequate, uncomfortable or inexperienced. Reflection is key to building awareness, and tools such as 360 feedback, journaling and present moment awareness would help the client in enhancing emotional resilience.

Cultivating the ability to observe and understand one's emotions in real-time can indeed transform how individuals respond to stress and challenges. Integrating mindfulness techniques and journaling not only aids in developing this awareness but also helps in creating a habit of introspection, which is crucial for growth.

Help your clients become more aware by assisting them in identifying their emotions and how these feelings impact their behavior. Encourage them to take a moment to think about their emotions, promoting mindfulness and self-awareness. Introduce activities such as mindfulness exercises and journaling to aid them in gaining insight and making room for development.

In my experience, one of the most effective ways to build a resilient mindset is to challenge yourself to view your struggles as opportunities to level up - not as signs of weakness (which is often how the human mind views them by default). Taking full responsibility & ownership for everything in our life - from our thoughts to our experiences - allows us to shift out of a victim-mindset and into one that is adaptable and resilient.

Encouraging a mindset involves assisting your clients in seeing challenges as chances for development. Support them in changing their outlook to see setbacks as learning opportunities of impossible hurdles. Promote self-talk and establish goals to nurture a mindset centered on flexibility and proactive solutions.

In my practice I often focus on Challenge Negative Thought Patterns: help my clients recognize and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to their lack of emotional resilience. Discover and use cognitive restructuring techniques to replace negative thoughts with more positive and realistic ones. It seems easier to move through thoughts than emotions.

Communication skills are the most important by far because every action we take, every coordination of tasks, every favor we ask, every reply we give is about having a conversation with others. More than 95% of problems or misunderstandings are rooted back on poor or deficient communication.

To improve the ability to handle emotions, concentrate on skills such as good communication, finding solutions to problems, and managing stress. Engage in activities like acting out discussions and planning ways to solve issues with the people you work with within a secure setting. Share methods for reducing stress, like breathing and organizing time effectively, to assist them in remaining composed and attentive when facing challenging circumstances.

Advise your customers to build a support circle that includes mentors, colleagues, and team members. These connections offer advice, feedback, and motivation, nurturing resilience during challenging moments. Educate them on networking abilities. Stress the significance of seeking varied viewpoints to enhance their network of support.

Society teaches us that asking for help is a weakness when in fact the opposite is true. Asking for help is a strength and one that shows you are human and willing to accept that you can't do everything. Growth comes from finding the gaps in your skills and looking for the right support to help you fill them. Finding a mentor or a coach is super helpful when building emotional resilience as well as trusted colleagues and friends. Networking provides useful connections and helps us build confidence in ourselves and our career. We are not in this alone and we are not meant to this alone.

The term vulnerability comes to mind here, but many people shy away from that as it can have a negative connotation. I like looking to take courageous action instead. Why this works is because we HAVE to be courageous in times where we are struggling - and asking for help, feedback, guidance, or support is an incredible act of courage. It could be with a mentor, mentee, coach, or peer. Doesn't matter, but the more we are open & honest with others, the more we can evolve & grow as humans. This leads to better leadership.

Consistency is the major player in resilience of any process. Results come from effective and correct knowledge provided in a repetitive easy to consume manner. It is unreliable to expect training to stick without priority. Make it important, put time into emotional resilience. If a client does not believe this is important, they will not take time to grow this skill.

In my experience, fostering emotional resilience in clients involves a strategic shift in their perception of challenges. I guide them to view difficulties not as insurmountable obstacles but as invaluable lessons that cultivate strength and adaptability. By encouraging a proactive reassessment of their experiences, clients learn to harness their inner resilience, transforming adversities into stepping stones for personal growth and empowerment. This empowering approach significantly bolsters their psychological fortitude, preparing them to confidently face and grow from future challenges.

In my experience, resilience requires a strong inner game. Confidence is built over time - and it can be lost again. The premise for the strong inner game is: I CAN handle it, no matter what. And everything in life is an opportunity to grow and develop. To make the point, support your client in re-activating their resources. Take them out of the current situation. Reflect on past challenges they have overcome. Help them remember those that felt insurmountable at the time. And then turned into some of their greatest lessons, fueling their success. Normalize the challenge, the setbacks, and the doubt and fear. Help them honor their own emotions. Then, and only then, can you also talk about tools to strengthen resilience.

I′ve always find useful working with recognizing the emotions that appear in different situations in order to manage them properly but also working on the triggers of these thoughts that usually are biases or beliefs the clients doesn′t even know they have. There are several tools to work this: left column, right column; constellations, etc

Consider reframing as a positive attitude. Mitigations (like above) are great as control measures, but someone struggling with mental resilience really doesn't need another area where they feel like they're failing. Seeing this instead as them having a strong sense of caring for others which they can harness, rather than trying to suppress as an undesirable attitude might just lead to a more positive state of mind.

I have found it helpful to regard complaints from people as an expression of their values. It reframes their complaint from occuring as negativity and shows one a path to connection.