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What do you do if your boss seems unapproachable and distant?

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Having a good relationship with your boss can make a big difference in your career satisfaction, performance, and growth. But what if your boss seems unapproachable and distant? How can you communicate effectively, get feedback, and build trust with someone who is hard to reach? In this article, we will explore some strategies for dealing with an unapproachable boss in the context of systems design.

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Obawemimo Deborah

Medical laboratory scientist
Veniamin Stakhovsky

Data-Driven Senior Product Manager | Technical Product Manager with 10+ years of experience in FinTech | Payments | B2B…

1 Understand the root cause

The first step is to try to understand why your boss is unapproachable and distant. Is it their personality, their workload, their expectations, or something else? Maybe they are overwhelmed by the complexity and scale of the systems they are managing, or maybe they have a different communication style or preference than you. Don't assume that they are intentionally ignoring you or don't care about you. Instead, try to empathize with their situation and perspective, and look for clues that can help you adjust your approach.

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Obawemimo Deborah

Medical laboratory scientist
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The problem you don't define can't get a sincere and solid solution, getting to know the cause of his/ her will really help in approaching such problem. Taking your time to study his behavioral life style can also be of help.

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Matheus Felipe

Project Analyst | Service Design & CX Specialist | Customer Journey | Agile Project Management | Design Thinking | Innovation
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Understanding the root cause requires an investigative approach, once a former boss seemed inaccessible, instead of simply accepting the situation, I decided to delve deeper. I talked to coworkers, observed behavioral patterns, and eventually discovered that he was dealing with financial concerns at home, this understanding completely shifted my perspective and approach towards him, allowing me to offer support and understanding rather than just feeling frustrated with his apparent distance.

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2 Choose the right channel and timing

The next step is to choose the right channel and timing for communicating with your boss. Depending on their availability and preference, you may want to use email, phone, chat, or video calls. However, avoid bombarding them with too many messages or requests, and respect their boundaries and schedules. Also, consider the urgency and importance of the topic you want to discuss. If it's something critical or complex, such as a system design decision or a feedback session, you may want to schedule a meeting in advance and prepare an agenda. If it's something minor or routine, such as a status update or a question, you may want to wait for a regular check-in or a group meeting.

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Matheus Felipe

Project Analyst | Service Design & CX Specialist | Customer Journey | Agile Project Management | Design Thinking | Innovation
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Upon understanding the underlying issue, I realized the importance of selecting an unconventional approach to connect with my distant boss, instead of resorting to traditional means like scheduling a formal meeting, I opted for a more spontaneous approach. I seized a casual moment during a coffee break when my boss seemed more relaxed and approachable, this informal setting allowed for a more genuine and authentic conversation, where I could express my concerns without the pressure of a formal meeting agenda.

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3 Be clear and concise

The third step is to be clear and concise when communicating with your boss. Don't beat around the bush or ramble on about irrelevant details. Instead, get to the point and focus on the key information and outcomes. For example, if you want to share a system design proposal, you may want to use a diagram or a document that summarizes the problem, the solution, the trade-offs, and the assumptions. If you want to ask for feedback, you may want to use specific examples and questions that show your progress and goals. If you want to report a problem, you may want to use data and facts that show the impact and the root cause, and suggest possible solutions or actions.

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Matheus Felipe

Project Analyst | Service Design & CX Specialist | Customer Journey | Agile Project Management | Design Thinking | Innovation
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Once, instead of sending a lengthy email detailing every aspect of the project, I crafted a concise message outlining the key points: the current status, the impending deadline, and any obstacles preventing progress, by keeping the message clear and succinct, I captured my boss's attention and prompted a swift response. This approach not only facilitated efficient communication but also demonstrated respect for my boss's time and attention amidst their busy schedule.

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4 Listen and acknowledge

The fourth step is to listen and acknowledge what your boss says and does. Don't interrupt them or argue with them, even if you disagree or don't understand. Instead, pay attention and show respect and interest. You can use active listening techniques, such as paraphrasing, summarizing, asking questions, and giving feedback, to demonstrate that you are following and appreciating their input. You can also use positive gestures, such as nodding, smiling, and thanking, to show that you value their time and effort.

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5 Follow up and follow through

The fifth step is to follow up and follow through on your communication with your boss. Don't leave things hanging or unresolved, especially if you agreed on something or promised something. Instead, confirm and document the outcomes and action items of your conversation, and keep your boss updated on your progress and results. You can also use reminders, calendars, and tools, such as Trello or Jira, to track and manage your tasks and deadlines. By following up and following through, you can show your boss that you are reliable, responsible, and proactive.

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6 Seek feedback and improvement

The final step is to seek feedback and improvement on your communication and relationship with your boss. Don't assume that everything is fine or that nothing can change. Instead, ask for feedback on your performance, your projects, and your communication style and frequency. You can also use surveys, reviews, or 360-degree feedback tools, such as Lattice or 15Five, to collect and analyze feedback from your boss and peers. You can also use self-reflection, coaching, or mentoring, to identify and address your strengths and weaknesses. By seeking feedback and improvement, you can show your boss that you are willing to learn, grow, and adapt.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Veniamin Stakhovsky

Data-Driven Senior Product Manager | Technical Product Manager with 10+ years of experience in FinTech | Payments | B2B | B2C | Safety | Antifraud | Customer Care | AI | ML
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Alex faced difficulties with an unapproachable boss, which hindered progress on a critical project Alex: "Can we have a moment? I’ve noticed we haven’t had much direct communication lately, and I feel it might be impacting the project’s progress." Boss: "I wasn’t aware. What do you suggest?" Alex: "Perhaps we could schedule weekly check-ins? It would help clarify expectations and provide a regular space for feedback." Boss: "That sounds reasonable. Let’s start next week." By addressing the issue directly but respectfully, Alex opened a dialogue that led to more effective communication, ensuring the project stayed on track. This approach can foster a more approachable relationship with management, even when initially faced with distance

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What do you do if your boss seems unapproachable and distant?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Understand the root cause

2 Choose the right channel and timing

3 Be clear and concise

4 Listen and acknowledge

5 Follow up and follow through

6 Seek feedback and improvement

7 Here’s what else to consider

Systems Design

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What do you do if your boss seems unapproachable and distant?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Understand the root cause

2 Choose the right channel and timing

3 Be clear and concise

4 Listen and acknowledge

5 Follow up and follow through

6 Seek feedback and improvement

7 Here’s what else to consider

Systems Design

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