What do you do if your boss challenges your professionalism during a conflict?

During a disagreement, if your supervisor questions your professionalism, you must maintain your composure. Reacting defensively or emotionally can make things worse. Instead, inhale deeply and behave in a formal manner. Pay close attention to your boss's worries and make an effort to comprehend their viewpoint. Remain civil and refrain from getting aggressive. When appropriate, admit any errors or miscommunications and offer to resolve them in a positive way. To peacefully and assertively voice your opinions, communicate in a clear and succinct manner. If necessary, ask for clarification, and be willing to work with others to find a solution.

Starting with the breath always helps. I like to take a few deep ones before saying something in a charged environment. This helps the nervous system regulate, and our minds to make clearer choices.

Try to stay calm and focused — professional, take a pause, listen, and thank them for that feedback. Then ask for their feedback in writing, acknowledging that you prioritize your professionalism and will want to take some time to read their comments regarding the specifics of your behavior, then ask if they would be willing to meet again to continue the conversation. Don’t be defensive and don’t go on the attack, challenging their behaviors.

One thing I have found helpful is to avoid all or nothing thinking. Trying to be curious rather than defensive or argumentative shows poise and confidence. Maintaining composure is absolutely necessary. Then I would ask, "Help me understand what leads you to draw that conclusion?" It shows teachability, a desire and openness to listen, and sets the framework for a conversation rather than a confrontation.

Listening is important and remember not everyone is a good communicator. Often people don’t say what they actually mean. The first step is to see if this is the case … ask open needed questions (who, what, where, when, why and how) to see if as they share more detail the feedback becomes clearer. Ask specific questions not general ones such as “when you say I am not acting professionally, it would to have further detail.” You could ask for examples, more detail on when they saw this happen (sometimes they are raising an issue based on what someone else said). Listening and asking open questions are key.

Listening actively includes separating the boss's opinion from the boss's facts - And then focussing on the facts . Why? Because it's hard being in such a place and the only way to find an effective solution is to be emotionally regulated. Example Boss opinion: you are Unprofessional because you always start late and finish late. Fact U started at 11:00 a.m. 3 out of 5 days. That is 2 hours after the rest of the team starts. It is unprofessional

It is very important to listen very very carefully. When you are not listening and you lose your cool, the problem shifts from them to you. When you listen, you are not only understanding in hearing out their perspective but you are also able to gauge whether what they say comes from a place of personal understanding or a professional understanding.

"Can you tell me more about your definition of professionalism?" "If I understand you correctly, my use of the word "damn" during the last all-hands meeting was unprofessional, did I get that right?" "Is there anything else?" "Would you consider this problem solved if I promised to do my very best never to do that again?"

Listen attentively to your boss's concerns and perspective without interrupting or becoming defensive. Demonstrate empathy and understanding, and make an effort to acknowledge their viewpoints before responding.

When your professionalism is called into question by your boss during a conflict, navigating the situation with fairness and impartiality is paramount. In the face of criticism or challenges, it's essential to keep your cool and approach the situation with a level head. Emotions can cloud judgment, so strive to remain composed and objective throughout the discussion. Take the time to reflect on the feedback provided by your boss. Consider whether there may be any validity to their concerns and reflect on how your actions may have been perceived. Strive to remain objective in your assessment of the conflict. Evaluate the situation from all angles and consider the perspectives of both yourself and your boss.

As we are increasingly working on remote teams and across timezones, it's not surprising that conflict might arise simply out of the nature of this work. As my mother always says, "it's not what you say, it's how you say it." If a negative critique regarding your professional comes via email and not in-person, I'd prefer to get the person on the phone or on video to dissect the issue and meet on common ground. You can even write out what you would've responded over email and to guide your live response. Instead of going back and forth in an email chain, a true leader confidently confronts issues head on, evidences their professionalism through a track record of success, and suggests ways to work more cohesively in the future.

Evaluate the validity of your boss's concerns objectively and fairly. Consider whether there may be any basis for the perception of unprofessionalism and reflect on your behaviour and actions in the situation.

Conflict occurs, NOT from others opinions, from the reactions to those opinions. Our responsibility is to move the conversation from blame to facts. Justify your position with facts. Example - I choose this vendor even though his per unit price is higher than the other because he provides one year of free replacement and after sales service . So while it seems that I am unprofessional in not choosing the cheapest vendor, but I looked at variables of price after sale service , free replacement and not just price which is the usual benchmark for most finance department

Clear communication is extremely important and there should be no goat-scaping and each one must understand and assess the role that they play in that conflict.

Clearly and respectfully communicate your perspective and rationale to your boss. Provide specific examples or evidence to support your position and address any misunderstandings or misinterpretations.

It depends. Is the boss right? If so, it’s an opportunity for me to take a pause, step back and think about what I want to accomplish and how my actions may be working against it If it is a distraction, I would give the boss the gift of a pause. Adjourn the meeting and commit to meeting again to let emotions settle

I would ask them to tell me what standard i fell short of, when and how. I would then consider if other standards have been allowed to slip ( by the LM or any others they supervise). I'd also ask where the standards are laid down. This helps you refer to them and ensures they are not arbitrary and dependent on your boss mood. Finally, if I agreed I'd fallen short then I'd adjust accordingly.

Understand his reasons. Then demonstrate that his perspective is coloured by facts which have not been properly presented to him. If in fact there is genuine room for complaint seek help.

I believe, when seeking solutions, prioritise seeking feedback from your boss. Inquire about ways to enhance your professionalism and address any concerns they raise. Embrace feedback positively as an opportunity for personal growth and improvement. By actively soliciting and incorporating feedback, you demonstrate a commitment to self-development and professional excellence.

To seek solutions effectively, first define the problem clearly. Then, brainstorm ideas, consider different perspectives, and evaluate potential outcomes. Collaborate with others, be open to feedback, and remain flexible in your approach. Finally, choose the best solution based on its feasibility, impact, and alignment with your goals.

In some situations you may have been inappropriately labelled as unprofessional. In these cases, a boss may even apologize to you after you explain the situation. Accept an apology but also reiterate/reference anything you spoke about in-person or over email in a follow-up email. After all, documentation is important in the event that these incidents become a pattern of behavior which is an issue that requires more support in navigating. Check-in about your leadership at quarterly at a routine 1:1 meeting. These conversations might be points of leverage to request investment in your professional development with trainings or certifications that you've wanted to pursue. Why not create something positive out of conflict?

Follow up with your boss after the initial conversation to ensure that any concerns or misunderstandings have been addressed satisfactorily. Reiterate your commitment to professionalism and effective communication, and seek feedback on how to improve moving forward.

"Professionalism" to me is a largely meaningless term. I've seen far too much apple polishing, moral cowardice and lack of integrity rationalized away behind it. Folks who talk with conviction and then are silent when anyone in authority is in the room out of 'professionalism.' So...challenging my professionalism doesn't invalidate the truth of what I'm saying. What else ya got?

Along with whole process, it’s important to maintain the respectful and professional demeanour throughout the conversation, even if you disagree with your boss assessment

- Without prejudice considers why the boss is saying what he/she is saying as sometimes I myself may not see the darkness behind me. - Take a step back to analyse the details and context in which it’s said. - are there data supporting to the questions being raised - use your emotional quotient, be self aware and socially aware of the environment you are operating - this will provide insights into the information being shared to you

Consider seeking guidance or support from a trusted mentor, HR representative, or colleague if you feel unsure about how to navigate the conflict with your boss. Focus on maintaining professionalism and integrity throughout the conflict resolution process, and prioritize finding common ground and restoring positive working relationships. Keep lines of communication open with your boss and demonstrate a willingness to address any concerns or feedback they may have in a proactive and constructive manner.