What do you do if a domestic violence victim refuses to leave their abuser?

When a domestic violence victim/survivor chooses to stay with their abuser, it's crucial to honor their autonomy within their specific situation. Deciding to leave is not a hasty choice, and for many, it takes significant time and courage due to factors such as shame, isolation, judgment, financial insecurity, and concerns for children. The decision to remain may be driven by complex emotional, practical, or safety considerations that may not align with our ideals as social workers. Approach their experiences open-mindedly, witness their feelings, and thoughtfully explore their reasons for staying. It's essential to create a space for them to share their experiences without imposing our views on what they "should" be doing.

I have specialized in DV Recovery for over 30 years. It is never my GOAL to convince my clients to leave their abuser! I tell my clients that during the first session. It is my goal to empower them and to help them feel better about themselves and to understand the dynamics of what they are going through. I tell them upfront it is not my goal to get you to leave, and I don’t push that agenda, unless I think their life is in danger. Then we need to talk about safety plans etc. If it is my goal to get her to leave and she is not ready, she will not keep coming to see me. Empowerment, self esteem, insight, knowledge. Understanding of Narcisstic Personality Disorder and the dynamics of DV. She’ll leave when she’s ready.

As a helper, we have to acknowledge that sometimes we cannot help when people are not ready to be helped. When you encounter someone who is in domestic violence situation and they are not ready to leave the abuser because of many reasons, all we can do is to patiently be there for them, offer our ears and hearts to listen and provide them with related community resources. It can take really long time for someone to make the decision to leave from what they have known and lived in for long time to somewhere new with lots of unknown.

Planning is preparation. When a person is prepared it takes away a lot of fear of the unknown and empowers the person to act with confidence

You may not want to coerce a victim to act as we are not the ones to live with and endure the consequences of those actions. However, as a support, you can encourage a victim to always think about the ‘what if’s’ in the event of an emergency. Planning is key to successfully navigate those emergency situations and helping them to develop a 911-exit-strategy can be instrumental in helping them to survive an unfortunate attack.

Sadly, this is the most common scenario when working with those who have experienced any type of DV abuse. For further consideration, think about this from the same perspective as a child who is loyal to their abusive parent; generally it translates into the adult relationships. Trying to use rationale/logical thought doesn't work because the traumatized part of the individual is still looking for healing. Start with reminding the client of their worth and value- help them to see how their current choices are from a wounded perspective- one where they learned they didn't deserve to be safe, loved, or to have healthy boundaries. Once this part is healed, the client leaves of their own volition. As w/all trauma, you must start inward. <3

?I will prioritize their safety and respect their autonomy. ? I will listen and Validate ? i will Share information about domestic violence, the cycle of abuse, and how abusers maintain control. ?Discuss strategies for protecting themselves during violent situations and creating escape routes if necessary. ?I will Respect Their Choices ?I will Encourage Professional Support ?i will suggest that they seek legal advice to understand their rights and protective measures, such as restraining orders or other legal options. ?Maintaining Open Communication My role will be to support, inform, and offer assistance without imposing my own decisions on the victim. Ultimately, they need to feel empowered to make their own choices at their own pace.

Empower her! Have her start putting together a safety kit with important paperwork. Example: SSI cards, medical cards and records, cash, keys, bank statements etc. Put them in a backpack at a neighbors house you trust or safe place you can quickly grab it. That way when she’s ready the plan will already be in place.

It's practical method because some victims are afraid initially. The abuser sometimes weld so much influence and victims are afraid to leave because they cannot easily trust you. But with time they may make proper decision to leave, so if the door is left open they may use it

Learning what the core of her conditioning (values, beliefs) is regarding male-female relationships is paramount to her understanding why she has selected this type of person to share her life with.

Whether it is a personal or professional relationship with a domestic violence victim, they will leave when they are ready. Pushing them in a direction before they have committed to the change will be counterintuitive. What can you do for someone you care for in this type of situation? Remain present. Be with them in the darkness. Provide unconditional love and support. When they chose to leave, they need to know someone is in the corner. Domestic violence can be so isolating. Offer them hope. It doesn't have to be this way. And BE PRESENT!

I can't agree more, providing with essential and practical information related to the issue and apropiate diction and steps are also crucial to help victim knowing he or she is not the only one ever experience the issue, therefore will cause to emerge courage and self-esteem to overcome it.

Es muy importante que tenga todo el conocimiento posible sobre los recursos de los que puede disponer, desde un refugio seguro hasta una persona de apoyo. Les profesionales debemos conocer e informar de todos estos recursos.

A informa??o é de suma importancia, primeiro para entender que está sendo vítima de violência doméstica, pois em muitos casos as situa??es vivenciadas pelas vítimas est?o t?o enraizadas em suas culturas, nos seus meios, ou t?o normalizadas na sociedade e no entorno dessa vítima, que ela n?o consegue se enxergar no papel de vítima. Entender seus direitos e as possibilidades de sair dessa situa??o, junto com o empoderamento econ?mico das vítimas, ser?o as bases para a pessoa conseguir sair da situa??o. Além disso, é importante incentivar uma rede de apoio de familiares e amigos, que v?o acolher a vítima e ajudar a incentivar a constru??o dessa autoestima e independência.

El empoderamiento es clave para desarrollar la resiliencia de las supervivientes. Alejarse de los enfoques tradiciones del trabajo social y otros ámbitos supone también apostar a que el empoderamiento también se consigue a través de los grupos de autoayuda, dándoles voz a las supervivientes y facilitando una reflexión donde personas que hayan pasado por esa experiencia puedan contarles a las que aún están atrapadas en estas situaciones a salir de las mismas.

When it comes to empowerment I help clients to build their self-esteem by providing them with much needed training and capacity building they need for development of oneself.

I can't agree more. in addition just jump into your own inner voice by telling your own experience, it might help without being dictating what to do( but it also depends on the person background and the circumstances) some ways might more effective than others related to people we are talking to.

This step restores autonomy to the victim by showing them life beyond this relationship and environment of abuse. One thing to note is that if the abuser sees their victim(s) gaining more independence, they may try to curb this newfound freedom and empowerment. Thus, safety planning should include managing empowerment activities to protect the victim's access to their support networks, resources, and encouragement, which may include hiding participation in the activity, reframing the nature of the activity/plausible alibis should the abuser ask, how to finance the activity independent of the abuser, or reframing the activity as harmless to the abuser's control of the victim if they haven't decided to leave yet.

If a domestic violence victim refuses to leave their abuser, it's crucial to approach the situation with sensitivity and understanding. Encouraging them to seek counseling or therapy can be helpful, as it provides a safe space for them to explore their feelings and options. Additionally, providing resources such as hotlines or support groups can offer them additional support and guidance. Ultimately, it's important to respect their autonomy while gently offering assistance and support.

Legal protection safe the victim from further abuse. Abuser stay in threat and always conscious about the actions he takes against the victim. It may be the chance that their relationship will become normal after some time.

To accept the challenge and provide counselling as ane way assisting the situation however it may be difficult to know where the caregiver stays normally their home village a case study of Malawian scenario

My work helps client to get free legal assistance when needed. With my department we have a lawyers on call that would provide free legal support to all DV Survivors

some steps might be quite tempted, difficult, and exhausted when it comes to some countries with bheraucratic and poor law- enforcement, the best way for some developing countries or third countries is to empowering and reinforcement by providing crucial information and essential which are practical to take.

Ongoing support is key because healing from any types of abuse is a journey. Short or long, we need to make sure survivors have the support they need for the duration of what they are going through

I have a close friend who was refused to leave her abuser for many years. As her friend, I often times felt like a victim myself because; I felt helpless not being able to get her out of her situation immediately. When my friend was finally able to leave she talked about the on going support I was for her, the listening ear, the safe space that I gave her to voice her thoughts, frustration and what ever she needed to know that she was loved and supported and not alone. Its so important to built a good relationship and as often say put yourself in other shoes to truly connect with them until they are ready to move to the next step.

Importantísimo el seguimiento y el acompa?amiento de les profesionales hacia las supervivientes, sin estos dos pilares del trabajo social la intervención no tendrá sentido.

A permanência do apoio e o acompanhamento é o passo mais importante neste processo! Uma pessoa em sofrimento n?o pode sentir se abandonada de suporte , com uma rela??o de grande confian?a!

Fundamentally, people experiencing violence in their relationships are autonomous beings whose perspectives must be honoured. In situations where someone chooses to stay with the person who is abusing them, we must honour their decision and ensure we reduce as many barriers to safety as possible. This could look like robust safety planning, facilitating conversations with other trusted loved ones and friends regarding what they can do should violence escalate, and connecting them with as many resources as possible. I know many people who have never left, and may never leave. It is our role to make sure they know that we see them, we hear them, and we support them, and whenever/ if they ever feel ready, we will be here.

1. Respect his/her choice 2. Make sure that your support always available 3. Keep contact regularly 4. Alwasy suggest that there always other ways. 5. In the meantime, make a list possible helps for her/him when urgently needed.

This is the wrong question to ask. Even after 20 years of working to end violence against women, this is still the number one question we ask. Why should we put a victim of violence in a position where they’re forced to flee into what is often rundown and dirty shelter with little to no prospects for housing, income or long-term safety. The mere posing of the question of “why doesn’t she leave” or “what should we do if she refuses to leave”, continues to put the responsibility for the violence continuing on the victim rather than the perpetrator. We must start by changing the question to “what should we do when the community refuses to hold men who are violent toward women accountable?”

Support by maintaining regular contact and regular follow-ups. These can provide ongoing support and may encourage them to reconsider their options as their circumstances evolve. Regularly scheduled meetings or calls can help maintain an open line of communication. Let them know how they can contact you or others who can help in a crisis. This can also be part of the safety planning process by providing resources as well to help clients know what services/legal options they have available to them.