As an executive coach, you know how important it is to establish a rapport with your clients and help them achieve their goals. But how can you show them that you are fully present, attentive, and empathetic during each coaching session? Here are some tips to enhance your coaching presence and make a positive impact on your clients.
Listening is more than just hearing what your clients say. It also involves paying attention to their tone, body language, emotions, and non-verbal cues. Active listening means that you are not distracted by your own thoughts, judgments, or agenda, but rather focused on understanding your clients' perspective and needs. To demonstrate active listening, you can use techniques such as paraphrasing, summarizing, reflecting, asking open-ended questions, and providing feedback.
Active listening is the first coaching skillset that indicates that you are present for the client. Your ability to reflect back to the client what you are hearing helps the client to be more aware of how they may be perceived by others and perhaps make a plan to modify their thinking or self expression.
Creating a safe environment is always my priority: a place where no one judges, criticizes, or makes you feel sad or bad. A place where a person can be their authentic self with zero filters.
Presence starts with listening. ICF, CTI (Co-active Training Institute) and 3CP (Columbia University's coaching program) agree that listening actively happens at three levels. 1. Level I: Here, active listening happens internally. You connect your personal experience as a coach with the topic your client is exploring. 2. Level II: The goal in coaching is to move to this level of active listening where you focus on your client as a whole person and build an emotional connection, say, by repeating the client’s language in your questions. 3. Level III: Here, you listen as if you and your client are at the center of the universe surrounded by a force field. You observe with all your senses. Notice not just what's said but also what's unsaid.
Six aspects are critical to create a coaching presence. 1. Context & setting expectations at each stage - Clarity & focus at each stage, step by step. 2. Create a non judgmental, safe harbor for trust and openness - Data gathering. 3. Ask evocative questions leading to a deep state of introspection & reflection - Uncover hidden elements, beliefs, perceptions. 4. Go beyond active listening to a deep state of listening and feeling...understand emotions associated with each thought & its impact on the individual - Understand levels of motivation, commitment , importance & impact. 5. Suspend logic, reasoning, judgements, perceptions & assumptions - Align! 6. Use the power of silence.
Listen with curiosity; avoid projecting your assumptions onto others. Building rapport becomes powerful when you delve into understanding their underlying beliefs.
Curiosity and respect are essential qualities for a coach who wants to create a trusting and supportive relationship with their clients. Curiosity means that you are genuinely interested in learning more about your clients, their challenges, their aspirations, and their potential. Respect means that you acknowledge and appreciate your clients' values, beliefs, choices, and experiences, even if they differ from your own. To demonstrate curiosity and respect, you can use techniques such as exploring assumptions, challenging perspectives, encouraging discovery, and celebrating achievements.
One thing that I've found helpful is to focus on "curious brain" engagement that happens at the Level II and Level III listening according to the co-active coaching model. I love the concept of staying curious during coaching sessions because it frees me from judgment as the coach and helps me tune in to my client's frequency. So much is going unsaid by the client and my curious brain is eager to pick it up. Combining active listening and curious brain is an optimum way to respect your client. In this way, you demonstrate that the client and their agenda is the center of the coaching process.
One of the (eight) components of ICF is to cultivate trust and safety with your clients. This starts with honoring the client's agenda. Being curious means practicing the art of humble inquiry: asking open-ended questions that focuses on your client's agenda. What is important to your client? What does your client really want? What does success look like? To engage with your client, there are multiple techniques such as appreciative inquiry, testing assumptions and contributing when you've earned the right to do so. Practicing this ICF component helps to build a safe and supportive environment that allows clients to share freely, engage and find results through the coaching process.
True curiosity is a key, because without it you will just "apply a technique" and wonder why it didn't work. It takes you outside of your and your client's assumptions and take you both towards exploring the core cause of a situation rather than 1-size-fits-all solution. That solution might sound rational, even exciting and logical, but not will not be THE suitable move for that client. It's not always easy to be curious and patient in the search, because we are taught that quick results and labeled prescriptions of what will work best, are the aim of coaching sessions. Still a bit of curious digging goes a long way and always hits the right string and resurfaces simple and doable next step towards real resolution.
Energy and emotions are contagious. As a coach, you want to align your energy and emotions with your clients' goals and needs, and create a positive and motivating atmosphere. This does not mean that you have to fake or suppress your feelings, but rather that you have to be aware of them and manage them effectively. To align your energy and emotions, you can use techniques such as breathing, mindfulness, self-regulation, and empathy.
There are two statements I make in most coaching conversations (that I only say if I really mean it!) Clients always respond positively to them, and I believe it’s because it helps then feel heard and seen at a deep level. 1. "I can tell how much xxx matters to you." 2. "I believe you can do this."
One of the things my mentor coach reminds me of is that it's okay to share with your client anything that you might be noticing about your client AND yourself as it pertains to emotions. Sharing with them the impact of their words on you telegraphs that you are listening and aligned with them. We are all human, not robots, and sharing what you may be feeling can add to the bond and rapport that you have without making it about you. So, for example, if you hear a piece of good news you can say, "OMG. I can feel my heart beating quickly."
Presence is key in a coaching session. Mindset trumps skillset. So, self-management as a coach is the first step to creating a coaching session where you can listen actively, ask powerful questions and collaborate effectively with your client. Self-management to align your energy and emotions is an individual choice. What works for me may not work for you. My self management tips include: 1. Be clear on my why. 2. Uphold ethical standards as defined by ICF. (ICF #1) 3. Continuously learn and develop myself as a professional in the leadership development space. 4. Clear my schedule before a session to 'get in the zone' and sharpen my coaching tools. 5. Remind myself of my client's why to stay 100% client-centered. (ICF #3 & #8)
Coaches prepare for their sessions differently. What is important to notice is when you feel off and know well it's not the client, it's not the circumstance, it's just your mood swinging. When you know it, you can address it or just let it be, but you wouldn't blame others for it nor attach specific conversation or its outcome to it. We can't always click our fingers and become present to our conversation, but just knowing moods come and go and can switch in an instance helps alot. Usually when we direct our focus towards our client and the conversation itself, we get back to balance and become more and more present, free from our own internal storm.
Flexibility and adaptability are key skills for a coach who wants to respond effectively to their clients' changing situations and expectations. Flexibility means that you are open to new ideas, perspectives, and approaches, and willing to adjust your style, methods, and tools accordingly. Adaptability means that you are able to cope with uncertainty, ambiguity, and complexity, and help your clients navigate through them. To demonstrate flexibility and adaptability, you can use techniques such as experimenting, improvising, co-creating, and reframing.
Embracing a flexible mindset involves accepting that there is always more to learn about a person. The more information you gather, the better your tailored solution for them. Often times it's an approach that is tried and tested but delivered in a manner that resonates with their beliefs and personal experience.
Over time, the coachee's goals and priorities may shift. A flexible coach can help navigate these changes, adjusting coaching plans to align with evolving objectives. Effective listening allows the coach to understand the coachee's changing goals and priorities. By actively listening, a coach can understand and facilitate the necessary adjustments in coaching plans. Everyone have their own stories to share and one should not jump into any conclusions even before hearing them!
I noticed that adaptability and flexibility are our natural skills. We only sometimes forget about it when we listen to the client through our own filters and personal perspectives. Then we are rigid and frame conversation in predetermined direction which rarely benefits the client. Coaching conversation is more of a flow, harmonous exchange, sometimes even looking as if nothing leads to another. But when reflected on the whole experience, usual connections are found and unique pathway unfolds. I wouldn't exchange it for any prescribed "best practice".
Authenticity and congruence are vital for a coach who wants to build credibility and rapport with their clients. Authenticity means that you are true to yourself, your values, your strengths, and your limitations, and that you express them honestly and consistently. Congruence means that you are aligned with your words, actions, and intentions, and that you do not send mixed or contradictory messages. To demonstrate authenticity and congruence, you can use techniques such as self-disclosure, feedback, modeling, and commitment.
A good coach is a good listener but does not have to agree or accept every statement coming their way. They are there with a coachee to make a difference and not just nod along. It is important that a coach challenges the coachee’s self-limiting beliefs and asks bold questions to keep them honest. Real progress comes from a consistent thought process and conversation.
Presence and mindfulness are the foundation of effective coaching. Presence means that you are fully engaged, attentive, and aware of yourself, your client, and the coaching process. Mindfulness means that you are conscious of your thoughts, feelings, sensations, and impulses, and that you do not let them interfere with your coaching. To demonstrate presence and mindfulness, you can use techniques such as silence, observation, meditation, and awareness.
Surely this is the number one value in "demonstrating presence". I actually believe this article is completely misguiding people. As a coach it's not your job to demonstrate YOUR presence. That comes as a consequence of BEING a great catalyst for the person you're with. If you're thinking about yourself, you can't be thinking about them. Being present and sharing honest, safe space with another human being provides all of the presence THEY need to trust you and to grow.
As a coach, I learned that displaying vulnerability can complicate things. It's not about pretending but maintaining control. To stay emotionally balanced during sessions, I employ "Process Thinking." This helps reduce judgments that cloud the mind and create negative feelings. It involves understanding the problem and its origin. When you demonstrate understanding of the process, exhibit genuine empathy, and know how to proceed, you appear strong. This method provides the necessary influence for effective coaching. A technique I use to stay calm in tense moments is to visualize everything from above, as if I were in a high place.
It's all about creating a space where your coachee feels valued, understood, and free to explore their thoughts and ideas without restraint. Presence thrives on unwavering respect. Value their thoughts and ideas, resisting any urge to interrupt, judge, or dismiss. Your presence isn't just about your actions, but also about your state of being. Mindfulness is key. Before each session, take a moment to center yourself. Breathe deeply, practice a grounding exercise, or meditate. Clear your mind of distractions and worries before entering the space with a calm mind. Your presence in a coaching session is about being fully engaged, allowing for meaningful and creative thinking to unfold. Presence is a powerful intervention.
Being present is No1 and right after it comes being responsive to what is going on during the conversation to the best of your ability. There comes first being self-aware and understanding himan nature as prerequisites to being a coach. Focus on the client and the conversation in the moment can't be more important, but that's not as easy as it initially sounds. Self-awareness helps because we can discern between what is a beneficial question or direction vs our personal interest. That's why I always get surprised how differently coaching sessions look depending on the client, I prefer being present to their in the moment needs than following a scheme.
Listening to what is not said is as important as to what is said. Clarifying to ensure a correct perception is essential. Coaching is never about you but about helping someone else. Remain humble and open to changing tactics. Go where your client needs to go to grow.
During a coaching session, the best ways to demonstrate your presence include active listening, maintaining eye contact, asking insightful questions, providing encouraging feedback, and showing genuine empathy towards the coachee's concerns and experiences.
"Let us converse with openness and at the end of the lesson you will identify what ideas you have picked up and how you would be practicing them in the days to come.." If the coachee is able to share that, well it proves my presence. If no, then something is amiss. As a coach I must work on myself..
Approach all coaching sessions with this mindset: it's not about you (the coach). It's not about you coming up with ingenious questions. It's not about you having the answer. It's not about what your mentor coach at the ICF would think of your call. It's about being useful to the client. When your mind is clearly set on being useful, the rest falls into place as long as you've previously honed your craft.