What are the best practices for managing your own emotions when delivering a difficult message?

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Delivering a difficult message can be challenging, especially when you have to deal with your own emotions and the reactions of others. Whether you are giving negative feedback, announcing bad news, or rejecting a request, you need to communicate clearly, respectfully, and empathetically. But how can you manage your own emotions when you are feeling stressed, angry, or anxious? Here are some best practices to help you prepare and deliver a difficult message without losing your composure.

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Aline Moassab Geraidine

Executiva de Marketing e Comunica??o | Head de Marketing | Diretora de Marketing | Gerente de Marketing | CMO |…

1 Plan ahead

Before you deliver a difficult message, you need to plan ahead and anticipate the possible outcomes. Think about the purpose, the audience, and the tone of your message. What do you want to achieve? How will the other person or group feel? How can you convey your message in a way that is honest, constructive, and respectful? Write down the main points of your message and practice saying them out loud. You can also rehearse with a colleague or a friend and ask for feedback.

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Aline Moassab Geraidine

Executiva de Marketing e Comunica??o | Head de Marketing | Diretora de Marketing | Gerente de Marketing | CMO | Marketing Digital | Branding | Comunica??o Inclusiva | Mentora | Gestora de Equipe | Líder | Top Voice
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A good practice for managing your own emotions when delivering a difficult message is to use some Nonviolent Communication resources: - Empathize with the other person - Understand the real need or interest behind a behavior (whether yours or the other person's) - Point out facts, not opinions - Check the other person's understanding

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2 Acknowledge your emotions

It is normal to feel emotions when you deliver a difficult message, but you need to acknowledge them and not let them interfere with your communication. Emotions can affect your voice, your body language, and your choice of words, so you need to be aware of how you are expressing yourself. If you feel nervous, take a deep breath and relax your muscles. If you feel angry, avoid raising your voice or using harsh words. If you feel sad, try to maintain a calm and neutral tone.

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3 Empathize with the other person

One of the keys to delivering a difficult message is to empathize with the other person and show that you care about their feelings and perspectives. Empathy can help you build rapport, reduce defensiveness, and increase understanding. You can empathize by using active listening skills, such as nodding, paraphrasing, and asking open-ended questions. You can also use empathetic statements, such as "I understand how you feel", "I appreciate your efforts", or "I know this is hard to hear".

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Debra Phillips

City of Chattanooga Marketing Technologies Product Owner
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I would not advise saying that you understand how someone feels - you don't. Let the people know that you appreciate their efforts and if there are any resources to assist - like an outplacement service for people who become redundant, focus on that.

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4 Focus on facts and solutions

Another best practice for delivering a difficult message is to focus on facts and solutions, rather than opinions and blame. Facts can help you support your message and avoid ambiguity or misinterpretation. Solutions can help you offer alternatives and suggestions for improvement or action. You can use facts and solutions by providing specific examples, data, or evidence for your message. You can also use positive language, such as "what we can do", "how we can move forward", or "what we can learn from this".

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Debra Phillips

City of Chattanooga Marketing Technologies Product Owner
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How we can move forward is an excellent approach. "What we can learn from this" may not be well-received if the only ones being negatively impacted are the people you are speaking with - not you, your company, or its executive leadership team.

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Debra Phillips

City of Chattanooga Marketing Technologies Product Owner
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Another key is to focus on processes, not people. In many instances, it is the process that fails, not the people following the flawed process.

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5 Respect the other person's emotions

Finally, you need to respect the other person's emotions and allow them to express themselves without interrupting or judging them. The other person may feel hurt, angry, disappointed, or confused by your message, and they may need some time to process it. You can respect their emotions by acknowledging them, validating them, and apologizing if necessary. You can also offer support, encouragement, or assistance if appropriate.

Delivering a difficult message is not easy, but by following these best practices, you can manage your own emotions and communicate effectively. Remember to plan ahead, acknowledge your emotions, empathize with the other person, focus on facts and solutions, and respect the other person's emotions. By doing so, you can make your message more persuasive and less painful.

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Debra Phillips

City of Chattanooga Marketing Technologies Product Owner
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Respect is critical in these situations. It is also important to allow the ones impacted the time they need to ask questions or process the information. In short, don't drop a bomb, get on the corporate jet, and leave after having your say.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Debra Phillips

City of Chattanooga Marketing Technologies Product Owner
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When being a recipient of difficult news, as well as someone who has had to deliver difficult news, I circle back to these elements. 1) Treat your audience with respect. 2) Allow the audience to ask questions and don't rush the conversation. Your news may totally turn someone's world upside down. Give them a moment to accept the news. 3) Be honest. If the company is making an effort to reduce costs, say so. If there is any benefit to your customers, say so. If the situation is truly the result of poor management - hiring too many people and not meeting financial expectations, let the individuals know that the market dynamics in the industry have changed and that you appreciate the employees' efforts during challenging times.

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What are the best practices for managing your own emotions when delivering a difficult message?

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1 Plan ahead

2 Acknowledge your emotions

3 Empathize with the other person

4 Focus on facts and solutions

5 Respect the other person's emotions

6 Here’s what else to consider

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