I Ate My Twins in the Womb: A Story of Vulnerability

I have this theory that at every stage of life, society utilizes fear as a motivator to increase productivity & ‘good behavior’.

Think about it.

When you were in middle school, it was 'This won't fly in high school,' and then in high school, it became 'You think you study hard now, just WAIT until you get to college.'

This continues into adulthood when you begin your career, perhaps get married, and have children who go through their own stages of development that, of course, come with pre-existing warning labels themselves, like the Terrible Twos, Moody Pre-Teens, Reckless Teenagers, etc.

Instead of embracing the evolution of our lives, we hold our breath, and in some cases, give in to the fear by clinging onto the current stage of life for as long as possible.

I suppose I can’t speak for everyone, but this was and is absolutely my experience.?

The Professional Robot ??

I remember the days leading up to the first day of my big girl job. I researched the do's and don'ts of the workplace to ensure I don’t step out of bounds and unknowingly label myself as ‘unprofessional’..

I was practically training myself to not accidentally say a “bad word”, and most of all, keep my personal life hush-hush.?

After all, it's commonly advised not to mix work and play, isn't it?

As I stepped into the building on the first day of my adult professional career, business suit, color-coordinated notes & all,? I looked around and took a moment to myself in the lobby before heading up the elevator to my floor.?

As Dorothy famously said on her own unprecedented journey, I thought to myself, ‘Jules, we’re not in Kansas (college ??) anymore’. With that reminder, I headed upstairs polished and filtered but ready.?

SPOILER ALERT: The act didn’t last long.?

Challenging the Status Quo?

In my first few weeks of working, I learned how impactful the push & pull of vulnerability can be.

Throughout meetings, meals, & introductions, my co-workers would gradually open up about themselves to me more and more each day.?

As they became more comfortable & shared pieces of their personal life with me, so did I.?

Before I realized it, the professional robot who entered the building on the first day transformed into Julianne Stanger – a human, a friend, a queen of fun facts (more on that later), and a coffee fanatic who also happens to be professional.

My ‘Come to Jesus’ moment was when I realized that we’re all adults here who share similar experiences and the underlying desire to feel seen, heard, & valued.?

This realization significantly reduced the pressure I felt and introduced a brand new perspective that carries with me to this day.

I made a commitment to myself that from then on, I would be the one to always lead with vulnerability, even when it feels uncomfortable or scary.?

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” - Brené Brown

What Does Vulnerability Look Like?

Vulnerability can show up differently in each person.?

Sometimes, it’s sharing a lesson you learned from a past mistake or opening up about a bad day.?

Other times, it involves sharing a fun and quirky fact to lighten the mood and allow others to feel more comfortable sharing. cough cough

As the Onboarding Specialist at Hopebridge, I conducted new hire orientations every other week.?

On Day 1 of orientation, we always started off the day with an introduction to our CEO and scheduled time to go around and share a fun fact with the onboarding group.?

Without fail, every time we would begin this exercise, people would look around at one another, hesitant to speak up and waiting to see who shares first and ultimately determine what the fun fact ~vibe~ was for the morning.

Until I’d jump in with a purpose to lighten the mood and take the edge off of the first-day nerves.?

My fun facts would range anywhere between how I have one thumb that's significantly shorter than the other, and of course, I would walk around the room to prove I wasn't lying, or how I was supposed to be a triplet but ate them in the womb.

In short, I embraced my eccentricity for a purpose, and it consistently yielded positive results.

As soon as I shared my crazy fun facts with everyone, including the CEO, the mood of the room would instantly lighten and I could feel them begin to settle into their new company home.?

My new hires continued to reach out to me after their orientation. Partly because I consider myself a go-to kind of gal, but also because I made sure, through my own vulnerability, that they felt they had a genuine, authentic connection within the organization that they could lean on.?

Vulnerability Changes the Game

Here’s how being more vulnerable at work has changed my professional experience:

?? I developed more meaningful, genuine connections with my co-workers and leaders, which increased the speed of earning trust.

?????????This trust allows me and others to feel more comfortable addressing difficult topics, giving feedback, and accepting criticism.

?? I’m no longer exhausted at the end of the day from filtering out my personality & interests.?

?????????There is a balance between professionalism and authenticity that can be achieved.

?? I feel a greater sense of appreciation for my company when recognized because it feels like they are rewarding & celebrating me for who I am in addition to what I produce.?

?? As a recruiter, I leverage vulnerability to create a comfortable and positive candidate experience, allowing them to feel confident in being their authentic selves.

?????????Recruiter Tip: When a candidate feels comfortable, they THRIVE in interviews. They feel it if you’re going through the script and checking off the list of mandatory questions. If you want to up your recruiting game, talk to them like you would a friend.?

I’m sharing this with you for 2 reasons:

The first is to encourage you to create a professional experience that feels authentically successful to YOU.?

I believe that practicing vulnerability is a prerequisite that can propel you into a career path that is working towards your definition of success.?

Secondly, I’d like to begin the conversation and emphasize how a work culture that not only celebrates vulnerability in the workplace, but encourages it can be mutually beneficial for both the employer & the employee.?

Employees feel valued when they are treated with personalized, genuine appreciation.They feel more loyalty to their work because they’ve connected on a deeper level to the results and change-makers in the organization. And finally, they’ll have your trust and you’ll have theirs, which has been proven to increase overall productivity & efficiency across the board.?

My Challenge to You

When you feel the tug on your heart to share a meaningful experience or emotion that could further a connection with your co-worker or leader, lean into it instead of holding back.?

Use your judgment on what’s appropriate - I’m not advocating for sharing EVERYTHING. I encourage you to identify your own boundaries, as well as assess others.?

Above all, remember that transitioning from keeping everything to yourself to pouring your heart out doesn't have to happen overnight.

Vulnerability takes practice. The more you do it, the easier it becomes.?

“Authenticity is a collection of choices that we have to make every day. It’s about the choice to show up and be real. The choice to be honest. The choice to let our true selves be seen.” - Again, the incredible, Brené Brown

.

.

Don't forget to share Success Simplified with your friends and colleagues so that our community is always growing!

Subscribe to join the Success Simplified journey every Wednesday:?https://www.dhirubhai.net/build-relation/newsletter-follow?entityUrn=7055158589354643456

.

.

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them below or reach out to Jules at [email protected]!