How do you help mentees who don't want to change?

Being empathetic and an active listener is crucial when trying to understand the root cause of resistance to change. It allows you to connect with people on a deeper level, comprehend their concerns, and demonstrate that their perspectives are valued. This approach fosters trust and opens the door for meaningful dialogue, making it easier to address the underlying issues causing resistance to change

There is a reason a mentee, is a mentee. They are in need of mentorship. Often times, the root cause comes out when you get to know your mentee on a more personal level. For instance, I was mentoring a man by the name of Jim (changed to protect his identity). Jim needed motivation and guidance in both his personal and professional life. Jim and I had four mentorship calls before we really started making progress. He was very reserved and afraid of failing at life (personally and professionally). On our 5th call, I heard a different tone in Jim's voice. He was more in tune with what we were talking about. He trusted me. Jim had a couple of bad mentors that led him down the wrong path. Bottom line: get to know your mentee.

As a mentor we need to switch between Counselor and Coach roles depending on the need of the situation. This is a case of switching to be a Counselor and start with Active Listening.

We can go back to square one and ask - why did they come to the mentor in the first place? What were their initial goals? As a mentor we can try to place some dots and choices of how the mentee can connect the dots to reach their goals. But connecting those dots one at a time is their responsibility which might need change from their end. We are only acting like a facilitator - and can clarify that.

Expectations for a mentee are not dictated by the mentor. When you build a relationship with a mentee it is a 2-way street. Information flows to and from the mentee, constantly being evaluated. As a mentor, you are their to guide, not dictate. When you give your mentee expectations they did not get to help decide, they are going to be less inclined to follow through. Mentees are in the relationship for guidance. When they have an opportunity to receive that guidance with shared input, they are going to want to exceed, not meet the expectations set for them. Focus on involving your mentee as much as possible. As a mentor, you are a leader. Leaders influence! Help to influence, not control, your mentee.

I have found that throughout my life, positive reinforcement goes a long way when dealing with people. But, this positive reinforcement has to be genuine. It has to be unsolicited reinforcement. Your mentee does not want to feel as though your positivity is forced. They can tell if you genuinely care about them and their success. Change is not easy for anyone. If someone senses that their mentor is not sincere, they will see right through the fa?ade. When the mentee feels as though their mentor is not sincere, the want to change will not be sincere either. Change is something that people have to want to do. By being positive and empathetic, you show you care and genuinely want them to succeed.

Try to celebrate even small milestone acheived, this will act as positive reinforcement and will in turn encourage mentee to perform better.

Feedback is important. The feedback given to the mentee must be often, reasonable, explicit, and direct. By giving constructive feedback often, the mentee will have a better understanding of their progress and what they need to work on. Reasonable feedback involves, quality feedback that can be better understood and valued. Explicit feedback is very direct and involves the what, how, when, and why. Lastly, direct feedback is telling the mentee your observations based on what you have witnessed, not what you have heard from a 3rd party. When a mentor practices these four steps, the mentor can coach a mentee on how to get better. The mentee will be more likely to receive and implement the guidance.

Easiest is to just let them go. While motivation can be instilled when someone is too young and junior and doesn't even have a technical background there is not much to do. Unfortunately younger generations are lost in the world of TikTok and Instagram believing everything they see on those fake reality platforms. Just give them more time until they clash with the tough reality of the real world.

In my experience, I used real life stories to inspire them without directly or indirectly instructing them. In this your choice of words are very, let me repeat, are very very important. Good luck!

Challenging and breaking stereotypes can be a powerful approach to addressing resistance to change. By encouraging individuals to reconsider their preconceived notions and biases, you help them view the change from a different perspective. This process often leads to increased understanding and acceptance, fostering a more open mindset towards the desired change.