How do you handle team members who avoid conflict?

Normally the main reason for conflict avoidance in a team is lack of psychological safety. Team members are afraid to share because of the risk of being punished or humiliated when they share ideas, concerns or mistakes. So build safety first and then as a consequence the frustrations and underlying conflicts will come up into the open so you can deal with them in the team (start of your conflict resolution)

Most people avoid conflict because they fear the damage it may cause to relationships. This often happens when issues are raised but not dealt with, or things are said which then hang in the air without resolution. A frozen conflict or false harmony can be very damaging and have long term consequences. The most important thing is to ensure that there is a whole process to manage conflict and come to a solution. This process should feel safe, productive, creative and non-personal, and become the "norm".

I have found that where one of my team members on the Leadership team are avoiding conflict it is their being uncomfortable with confrontation with the individual that they need to have the discussion with. We have really stressed the need and the positive impact of having those crucial conversations and how to make the conversation more of providing a path to success than one of reprisal. In doing this you take provide the person that you are having the conversation with their own decision to follow the path to success or choose to not be a part of the team.

It's my experience that team members who are more reserved will hold back & observe how the conflict is being discussed. From that, they will determine if they will engage in the issue. If they feel it's a respectful discussion addressing the core issue & not attacking individual(s) then & only then will they feel comfortable enough to share their thoughts. There is some truth in the silent majority that just doesn't want to engage in & expose themselves to the conflict while having valuable input into the issue. I don't consider it creating a "safe space" but more of an environment that allows for many voices that help get the team to a better outcome. They will only engage if they observe from Mgt a respectful non-judgment approach.

As a Personality Dimensions Facilitator, I strongly advise leaders to leverage personality assessments for insight into team members' communication styles. Tailoring conflict resolution workshops to suit each personality type is crucial. Promote role-play exercises to refine conflict resolution skills, prioritize cognitive empathy, and establish effective feedback frameworks catering to diverse personalities. This strategic integration empowers leaders to excel in conflict management, leading to more productive work environments.

? Disengagement: Team members who withdraw from discussions becoming distant during team interactions. ? Agreeing Without Conviction: They may readily agree with team decisions without expressing or engaging in discussion. ? Deflection and Diversion: Individuals who divert the conversation when sensitive issues arise steering the discussion away. ? Avoiding Meetings or Discussions: These team members might find reasons to skip meetings. ? Changing the Subject: Conflict-avoidant individuals may shift the conversation to unrelated topics. ? Quick Apology or Giving In: They may readily apologize or yield in a conflict situation often without asserting their own needs or opinions.

As a manager of a high-performing team, spotting conflict avoidance is crucial. Recently, I noticed signs during our meetings: one team member nodding along but rarely contributing and avoiding eye contact during sensitive discussions. Recognizing these signs, I initiated one-on-one conversations. The team member revealed concerns about recent project direction changes but hesitated to voice them due to fear of confrontation. Encouraging open dialogue, I created a safe space for the team member to express concerns, leading to productive discussions and solutions. This experience underscores the importance of addressing conflict avoidance proactively to foster open communication and collaboration within the team.

High Performance Teams in my experience self regulate to address conflict avoidance. This is when leadership has nurtured, encouraged, and given several members of the team to take the lead on issues. This fosters growth especially if the leadership has created mentors that take the newer team members under their wing and then give them opportunities to expand and grow. It's not just the management's responsibility to address conflict but the team's self-management in such matters.

Another common indicator of conflict avoidance in a team is the feeling of perfect cohesion - when team members feel like they all think alike and agree on most things. In a business team this is unrealistic and counterproductive - you need variance in opinions and ideas and you need this differences expressed and discussed. That is the only way to get to the best solution.

Conflict avoidance is most frequent in a new team or in an immature team (stage one in a team development maturity model like Tucker, IMGD etc). People tend to be overly polite, looking for the leader for direction and answers and definitely not challenging the status quo. As the team has worked with building a sense of safety in the team and the disagreements, frustrations and conflicts come into the open you can work to solve the differences. It is this ability of the team, to disagree but to come to a solution, which will make it able to create inclusion were there is diversity. Also it will build the team confidence and it knows it has this ability.

Always make sure to get to know the team and the individuals. It strikes me sometimes how often people complain about the team not being engaged and being difficult when they actually have not had a dialog with the people in the team, one to one. Getting to know them. Coach them. Understand what kind of positive behavior reinforcement makes them feel engaged and happy in the team. Also coach them to get insights on their own behavior in the team and to be able to shift what might be stuck. As a team coach you should preferably also support the team dialog around including all the members of the team and make sure to facilitate the team to bridge gaps between each other and get to know one another. Also to respect needs and differences.

If you've never taken the time to get to know the team member prior to attempting to address the conflict then you're trying to build trust while addressing the conflict issue. That's kind of a tough situation so it's imperative that you start as soon as you can to establish that relationship early before any conflict avoidance comes up. That's why leadership needs to ask open-ended questions early to get to know team members and even share their goals, hopes, and fears. But I like the advice and recommendations in this section provided it is sincere by the individual that initiates the discussion.

Taking time to understand why the person is avoiding conflict is important. Perhaps they are new to the team, perhaps team dynamics have changed for another reason, the culture is not psychologically safe, or their personal circumstances or mental or physical health have an impact. Discretion is critical. They may need individual support first. On the other hand, the whole team may need attention but they may be highly emotionally intelligent and the only one demonstrating the fact.

Make sure you ask yourself what the person's reason for avoiding conflict is. Then work on helping the person feel differently - either more psychologically safe, more confident, more worthy, more recognised, etc. It's often hard and unproductive to address these reasons head on through a conversation. Instead, start acting in a way that will evoke the wanted feelings in the person.

? Initiate a one-on-one private conversation to create a non-confrontational environment. ? Begin by expressing your appreciation for their contributions and acknowledge their value as a team member. ? Be factual and constructive in your description focusing on specific instances and their impact. ? Encourage them to share their perspective and ask for their feedback. ? Collaboratively agree on concrete action steps. ? Schedule a follow-up to check on the progress of the agreed-upon action steps. ? Throughout the process offer ongoing support and encouragement and make it clear that you're there to assist them in overcoming their fear of conflict and growing as a team member.

Couldn't agree more with this advice. Team members will observe the leader's honest or disingenuous words addressing conflict in the team. A former mentor of mine told me once that organizations are like fish. When a fish on the shore bank starts to rot, it rots at the head first and then it permutates to the rest of the body. Organizations are the same so make sure that in a leadership role, you live by the example by showing how you handle conflict yourself. And NEVER be duplicitous.

Back to what is already stated in my previous comments. Build safety. Bring positive feedback. Understand differences, support the communication and conflict resolution. Typically focus on the tasks and business issues first. To solve structure issues (like creating common goals, priorities understanding roles) often help removing some of the disagreements. Then constructively work with building the wanted culture, healthy principles to guide the teams wanted behaviors. Reflect on these frequently how they help the team and how the lack of them hindered the team. Work with framing a problem as a learning opportunity and less of an execution issue. Build a collaborative culture were the team goes first.

What the leader does is more important than what they say - although of course the two should be in total alignment. Modelling the desired behaviour is a critical role for leadership, including making themselves vulnerable and sharing their own trials and learning points. Managing conflict is not easy, so it should not be presented as such, or it will not be believable. People need to see evidence and hear stories. The leadership should be entirely congruous with the culture, with processes supporting diversity, innovation, risk-taking and personal development.

? Set clear norms and expectations for communication and interaction within the team. ? Periodically review and reaffirm these norms to ensure they are consistently practiced within the team. ? Provide coaching and conflict management training and coaching to equip them with the skills and confidence. ? Encourage diversity within the team including diverse perspectives and opinions. Emphasize that differences can lead to innovation and stronger solutions. ? Remind discord as an important means of generating healthy conflict. Invite team members to share their worries and offer counterarguments.

I would again recommend to focus on learning and improving. Helping and listening. Understanding what can make the team even better. To work with the teams conflict management skills can be needed in some especially tough situations, but to focus on what builds engagement and energy in the teams delivery is much more constructive.

Measuring conflict alone might not be very meaningful - it needs to relate to outcomes: innovation, problem-solving, issue resolution etc. Managing individual and team goals and development should be the main focus. However, maintaining attention on how conflict is managed, as part of creating a healthy working culture - is critical.

? Conduct periodic surveys and assessments to gather feedback and data from team members and stakeholders. ? Schedule regular review and reflection sessions with your team to analyze past conflicts to identify what went well and areas that require improvement. ? Set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound SMART goals or use Objectives and Key Results OKR frameworks to define your conflict-related objectives. ? Implement a system for tracking progress towards your conflict-related goals. Regularly monitor and measure your team's performance in addressing and resolving conflicts.

Well, avoiding conflict in a team is like trying to sweep dust under the rug. Sure, it looks clean for a moment, but eventually, you'll trip over that lump, and it'll all come crashing down! Embrace those team squabbles, folks – it's like a trust fall exercise for your office relationships. Just remember, the key is to handle it like adults and not resort to thumb-wrestling for solutions.

High performing teams normally trust and support each other, and generally feel safe to bring up issues to the group or with their boss. Conflicts tend to be less frequent. I believe that the manager must keep an eye on any potential conflicts and have them addressed before there’s any negative impact on the team. Same when you lead manager, conflicts between manager and staff can come up. Managers aren’t always perfect either. To maintain a culture of open collaboration leaders and leader of leaders, set the example.