How do you handle leaders who lack emotional intelligence?

It is not easy to “manage up” and when faced with a leader who is lacking in EI, it can be a significant distraction from one’s otherwise enjoyable role. Since EI can be cultivated, sharing how that leader made you feel may be appropriate so that they can have awareness of the situation. Without awareness, improving a leader’s EI is challenging. If necessary involve Human Resources who are equipped to assist in providing support for you as well as guidance in working with a leader to help develop one’s EI. Techniques exist to help leaders develop their EI. Unfortunately, there are situations that may require one to seek alternative employment if a leader is unwilling to acknowledge and change. Developing a leader’s EI should be a priority.

Dealing with leaders who lack emotional intelligence (EI) can be challenging but there are ways to manage it. First, have an honest talk about the specific behavior causing issues. Consider suggesting EI training resources to help them improve. Setting clear boundaries can also help manage expectations. If problems persist, don't hesitate to involve HR or document incidents for future reference. Sometimes you may need to escalate the issue to senior management. Remember, while you can't change people, you can change how you interact with them. These steps can help you navigate a tricky situation while potentially aiding in someone's personal growth.

Asking people to behave differently in the same environment doesn't work. To change behaviour, change the environment so they want to behave differently. As leaders, when we identify behaviours we'd like to improve, like showing emotional intelligence, we often focus on the individual and fail to consider the context that contributes to that behaviour. People are more likely to underuse emotional intelligence in cultures that ignore and undervalue things like empathy, kindness, civility, friendship, and well-being. It's hard enough to change our own behaviour when we want to, and harder still to change someone else's. But culture is something leaders can change, and culture shapes behaviours in powerful ways.

Leaders who lack emotional intelligence turn out as ineffective managers most times. Most, if not all, employees or team members would not last in an environment without empathy or genuine concern especially towards them. In my opinion, emotional intelligence should be one of the requirements when assigning a leader as it can make or break the organization. Emotional intelligence is a skill set that can be developed over time through practice and exposure to different situations. One must know how to acknowledge his/her emotions and read emotions from others. That understanding or emotional comprehension can be effective when correctly applied towards tasks and teams. 360° feedback system can help when dealing with low EQ leaders too.

Context is key: Truly low EI leaders may have a willingness to change but if others do not compassionately address the consequences of low EI, change may come slow (if at all).

Relaying the specifics of an encounter to a mentor can give you perspective about how appropriate or inappropriate the behavior is. It is important to keep a notebook with you to specifically document the behavior as well as requesting to record all Zoom meetings with the individual. Amassing a growing body of evidence will help you clarify the situation in your mind to recognise that it is the other persons issue and not to take it personally.

Documentation and record keeping is important in case an allegation arises where an investigation process takes place. It is also wise to speak about any incident that is bothering you with a coach or mentor who is outside the team. Gossip will just bring team morale down even further.

Sometimes the low EI of a leader can be so unrelenting and destructive it can lead to them being a toxic leader. Toxic leaders are dangerous to our mental health. When all else has failed to ameliorate the situation, I have as a coach supported clients to look for work elsewhere.

Knowing one’s strengths and limitations is key to professional and emotional health. Setting good boundaries is key for all relationships, both healthy and unhealthy relationships.

Handling leaders who lack emotional intelligence can be challenging, but helping them improve their emotional intelligence (EI) is beneficial for both their personal growth and the organization. Provide Feedback: Offer constructive feedback in a non-confrontational manner. Self-Awareness: Encourage self-reflection. Suggest that they take time to examine their emotions, reactions, and behavior in various situations. 360-Degree Feedback: Facilitate 360-degree feedback assessments where colleagues, subordinates, and superiors provide anonymous feedback on their EI. Emotion Recognition: Encourage them to work on recognizing and labeling their own emotions and the emotions of others. . Active Listening Skills also helps to improve EI

It's great if you have a rapport with your leader already established for you to communicate how their lack of EI is bothering you! I certainly hope that works out. Otherwise, check if there's a process in your organisation in how poor behaviour is addressed.

You might want to employ an "importance ruler" to help the leader overcome resistance to change. E.g. Imagine a scenario where your team is successful and everyone enjoys coming to work and interacting with one another. On a scale of 1 to 10, how important is it for you to be a part of that success, and what would that mean for you personally and professionally? Why did you give that rating? What would it take to increase your rating?

It is important to be calm and stand firm in the face of these behaviours, as well as take note of the toxic behaviour of this leader. A good tool to warn of these behaviours is feed back, although it is not the only one, speak up is also valid and beneficial for both the leader, the employee and the company.

Assess the Situation: Identify the extent of the leader's EI deficiency and its impact on the team. Provide Feedback: Offer constructive, specific feedback on EI areas requiring improvement. Offer Training: Suggest EI training or coaching to develop these skills. Lead by Example: Demonstrate emotional intelligence in your interactions. Seek Support: If necessary, involve HR or senior leadership for guidance and support.

It's very easy to get sucked into drama and have our survival instincts take over. Taking slow deep breaths in a triggering situation will go a long way in helping you respond in the way that best serves the situation and help you lead by example.

We have to focus on our behaviour and set the rules off engagement and conflict resolution so that following these rules will prevent the pitfalls of the lack of EI. Eg: No shouting 2. use polite language 3. seek to understand 4. employ active listening etc. Thus proactively based on rule based approach things can be controlled and also made accountable for.

1. The first step is to accept them the way they are, which in turn will help us focus on their goodness. 2. Put in the effort to listen to them. When you appreciate, respect, and value them, a lot of times they are open to feedback. 3. Focus on facts and choose logic over emotion. 4. Don’t take everything personally. It is about the situation and not about you.

Your health and wellbeing is very important. Ask yourself the question whether the benefit outweighs the cost in continuing working with a leader with low EI.