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How do you handle difficult conversations with executives who resist or reject coaching?

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As an executive coach, you may encounter situations where your clients are reluctant, defensive, or hostile to your feedback and suggestions. How do you handle these difficult conversations without damaging the trust and rapport you have built? In this article, we will explore some strategies and frameworks that can help you navigate these challenges and foster a positive coaching relationship.

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Ana Reed

CEO @ Newmanity | Transforming People, Organizations & Teams Through Performance Leadership | CEO & Executive Advisor |…

1 Identify the source of resistance

The first step is to understand why your client is resisting or rejecting coaching. There could be various reasons, such as fear of change, lack of confidence, lack of motivation, lack of awareness, or lack of trust. Try to empathize with your client and see the situation from their perspective. Ask open-ended questions that invite them to share their thoughts and feelings, and listen actively and respectfully. Avoid judging, blaming, or criticizing your client, and acknowledge their strengths and achievements.

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Ana Reed

CEO @ Newmanity | Transforming People, Organizations & Teams Through Performance Leadership | CEO & Executive Advisor | Leadership Coach & Consultant | Team Performance Coach | Award Winning Leadership Entrepreneur
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Identifying the source of resistance is important as is asking open ended questions and listening carefully to understand what may be the reasons. If after this they are still resisting, then this may indicate they are simply not coachable. As a coach, you need to be able to skilfully assess when someone is or is not coachable, as coaching someone who isn’t coachable can sometimes amplify their issues as well as create tension and frustration throughout the coaching process. When someone is not coachable, it is often useful for them to receive this feedback, so that they clearly understand why coaching may not be beneficial for them at this point in time.

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2 Clarify the expectations and goals

The next step is to clarify the expectations and goals of the coaching process. Make sure that you and your client are on the same page about what coaching is, what it is not, and what it can and cannot do. Explain the benefits and value of coaching, and how it can help your client achieve their personal and professional objectives. Also, discuss the roles and responsibilities of both parties, and the boundaries and rules of engagement. Establish a clear and realistic coaching agreement that outlines the scope, frequency, duration, and methods of coaching, as well as the measures of success and feedback mechanisms.

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3 Use a feedback framework

The third step is to use a feedback framework that can help you deliver constructive and actionable feedback to your client in a respectful and supportive way. One example of such a framework is the SBI model, which stands for Situation, Behavior, and Impact. The SBI model helps you to describe the specific situation where you observed the behavior, the behavior itself, and the impact of the behavior on yourself, others, or the results. The SBI model helps you to focus on facts and evidence, rather than opinions or assumptions, and to avoid generalizations or labels. It also helps you to highlight the positive and negative consequences of the behavior, and to invite your client to reflect and respond.

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4 Explore options and solutions

The fourth step is to explore options and solutions with your client, rather than imposing or prescribing them. Use coaching questions that encourage your client to generate their own ideas and insights, and to evaluate the pros and cons of each option. Help your client to identify and overcome any barriers or obstacles that may prevent them from implementing the solutions. Also, help your client to align their solutions with their values, beliefs, and goals, and to ensure that they are SMART, which stands for Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.

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5 Agree on actions and follow-up

The fifth step is to agree on actions and follow-up with your client. Help your client to create a concrete and detailed action plan that specifies what they will do, when they will do it, how they will do it, and who they will involve or inform. Also, agree on how you will monitor and support their progress, and how you will provide and receive feedback along the way. Reinforce your commitment and confidence in your client, and express your appreciation and recognition for their efforts and achievements.

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6 Manage emotions and conflict

The sixth step is to manage emotions and conflict that may arise during or after the difficult conversation. Recognize that your client may experience anger, frustration, anxiety, sadness, or other emotions that may affect their receptivity and responsiveness to coaching. Help your client to acknowledge and express their emotions in a constructive way, and to cope with any stress or discomfort. Also, be prepared to deal with any conflict or disagreement that may occur between you and your client, or among other stakeholders. Use active listening, empathy, assertiveness, and negotiation skills to resolve the conflict and restore the trust and rapport.

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Ana Reed

CEO @ Newmanity | Transforming People, Organizations & Teams Through Performance Leadership | CEO & Executive Advisor | Leadership Coach & Consultant | Team Performance Coach | Award Winning Leadership Entrepreneur
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An example of this is to hold space and use the power of silence. When a coach can do this effectively, the client will feel safe to process their emotions real time. This can serve as a very powerful catalyst for the client to receive a breakthrough.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Ana Reed

CEO @ Newmanity | Transforming People, Organizations & Teams Through Performance Leadership | CEO & Executive Advisor | Leadership Coach & Consultant | Team Performance Coach | Award Winning Leadership Entrepreneur
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Help them identify a limiting belief Often a client may be stuck in a limiting belief which prevents them from seeing the value of the coaching. If as a coach you are able to see the limiting belief play out, then stating it truthfully and compassionately may help them build awareness around what is precisely preventing them from proceeding with the coaching.

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Zandra ?? Montes, ACC

Team Builder ● Leadership Development ● Executive Coach
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A crucial factor for success in coaching is for the person to be coachable. Ideally, some of the tactics listed in this article would help someone be more open to coaching. Depending on where someone is on their journey, they may not be coachable. There may come a point where a coaching relationship may need to be paused or ended completely until the person is ready to be coached.

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Aileen Pincus
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Good reminders! From my perspective as an executive coach (communications), you have a huge advantage if you're coming from outside the organization. It allows you to empathize while lending an ear to the client's challenges, but then reset with a "do you want to fix this?" approach. I've never found a client uncoachable (not that everyone improves at the same rate). The disconnect is far more often how the problems are defined and who is defining them. I tell clients we're going to focus on clearing away anything getting in the way of the clear communication that's likely the real source of the issue. Regardless, the work can't proceed effectively (as Ana just mentioned) without the client feeling "safe" with his/her coach.

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How do you handle difficult conversations with executives who resist or reject coaching?

1

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3

4

5

6

7

1 Identify the source of resistance

2 Clarify the expectations and goals

3 Use a feedback framework

4 Explore options and solutions

5 Agree on actions and follow-up

6 Manage emotions and conflict

7 Here’s what else to consider

Executive Coaching

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How do you handle difficult conversations with executives who resist or reject coaching?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Identify the source of resistance

2 Clarify the expectations and goals

3 Use a feedback framework

4 Explore options and solutions

5 Agree on actions and follow-up

6 Manage emotions and conflict

7 Here’s what else to consider

Executive Coaching

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