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How do you document and report a difficult parent-teacher conversation?

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As a teacher, you may encounter situations where you need to have a difficult conversation with a parent about their child's academic, behavioral, or social issues. These conversations can be challenging, stressful, and emotional, but they are also essential for building trust, resolving conflicts, and supporting the child's learning and development. In this article, you will learn some tips and strategies on how to prepare, conduct, and document a difficult parent-teacher conversation.

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1 Know your purpose and goals

Before initiating or responding to a difficult conversation with a parent, it is important to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve and how you want to approach the situation. Your goals should be in line with the best interests of the child, the school's policies and values, and the parent's perspective and expectations. Additionally, you should be prepared to listen, empathize, and collaborate with the parent. Possible goals for a difficult conversation can include informing the parent about an issue or concern that affects their child's learning or well-being, seeking their input or support on how to address the issue, negotiating a plan of action or solution that benefits the child and meets both parties' needs, or resolving a conflict or misunderstanding between you, the parent, or the child and another student or teacher.

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Peninah T. Noy

People-Building Organizational Leader | Educational Management Consultant | Montessori, Neurodiversity & Best-Practices Instructional Coach | Public Speaker | Life-Long Learner
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Having a purpose and goals is more important that some teachers realize. Oftentimes I hear teachers say they plan to call a parent and when I ask them why, they say "so they should know". Then I insist, but why? What's your goal? What do you want the parents to do with the info you're going to provide? Teachers falter. From experience, both as a parent and principal, having a clear goal will yield better results than just calling to share. This doesn't mean the teacher needs to be an expert diagnostician. But the teacher needs to be able to direct the parent to an expert or in a specific direction for action.

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2 Prepare and practice

To ensure a successful conversation, it is important to prepare and practice. This can help you feel more confident, calm, and professional, and reduce the chances of making mistakes or escalating the situation. Beforehand, collect information and evidence that support your points and claims. Additionally, anticipate possible questions, objections, or emotions that the parent may have and plan how to respond. Select an appropriate time, place, and mode for the conversation, such as a phone call or a face-to-face meeting. Set a positive and respectful tone with clear, polite language. Finally, practice the conversation with a colleague or family member to get feedback on your communication skills and body language.

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3 Follow a structure

During the conversation, it’s important to stay focused, organized, and respectful. To avoid distractions, interruptions, or tangents, you should use a structure for the conversation. This structure could include starting with a greeting and expressing appreciation for the parent’s time and involvement. Then, state your purpose and goals for the conversation and ask for permission to proceed. Share your observations and concerns about the child’s issue or situation, providing specific examples and evidence. Invite the parent to share their views and feelings about the issue or situation, listening actively and empathetically. Acknowledge and validate the parent’s emotions and perspectives without arguing, blaming, or criticizing them. Summarize the main points and areas of agreement and disagreement while checking for understanding. Propose or request a plan of action or solution that addresses the issue or situation, seeking feedback or approval from the parent. Finally, end with a thank you and confirmation of next steps or follow-up actions.

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Peninah T. Noy

People-Building Organizational Leader | Educational Management Consultant | Montessori, Neurodiversity & Best-Practices Instructional Coach | Public Speaker | Life-Long Learner
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Following a structure is incredibly important, especially for difficult conversations. It's inevitable that when emotions and stakes are high something in conversation can go awry and we start feeling defensive. Having written up a script, and sticking to it, can help us stay out of trouble and yield best results!

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4 Document and report

After the conversation, it is important to document and report what was discussed and agreed upon. This can help keep track of progress and outcomes, as well as provide evidence and accountability for actions and decisions. Additionally, documentation and reporting can facilitate communication and collaboration with other teachers, administrators, or counselors involved in the child's issue or situation. When documenting and reporting, write a summary or transcript of the conversation as soon as possible, including the date, time, place, mode, participants, topics, points, agreements, disagreements, actions, and solutions. Use objective and factual language without personal opinions or judgments. Store the document in a secure and confidential place following school policies on data protection and privacy. Share the document with the parent to confirm or correct it. Report the conversation to your supervisor or principal with any issues, concerns, or recommendations that may need their attention or intervention.

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Christopher Zeger
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From experience, it's vital to understand the parent's perspective. What drives them? If they initiated the request, why did they do it? What do you already know about this parent? How can you best prepare based on what you already know? It's pivotal to take the viewpoint that their student is welcomed in your classroom. Begin with positives. Don't just sandwich with good/bad/good, although that tends to work well. Tell a story about their child. Remember, they often have no idea how their child's day goes except for things that upset them.

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Andrea Vernon

Coordinator | Advisor | Mentor | Helping others succeed through creative problem-solving.
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Sometimes my documentation includes a witness. If you think the conversation may go sideways, it is helpful to have an administrator present. It could be in person, or simply a phone call on speaker with the administrator next to you. I think they appreciate being included because it helps them to be involved early if things do not go as you hope.

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Peninah T. Noy

People-Building Organizational Leader | Educational Management Consultant | Montessori, Neurodiversity & Best-Practices Instructional Coach | Public Speaker | Life-Long Learner
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Documentation and reporting is crucial- not only for school records but for your own safety. As a school principal, I have had too many parents say "this (X issue) was never communicated to me!" Having records of teacher communication is really helpful to pull up in those instances. Not necessarily to "prove" the parent wrong, but to set the record straight for the schools' professional procedures.

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How do you document and report a difficult parent-teacher conversation?

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1 Know your purpose and goals

2 Prepare and practice

3 Follow a structure

4 Document and report

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