Feedback is essential for learning and improving your skills, but it can also trigger anxiety and self-doubt. How can you cope with feedback anxiety and boost your confidence, without getting overwhelmed or defensive? Here are some tips to help you deal with feedback in a constructive way.
Some feedback can make you feel more anxious than others, depending on your personality, expectations, and goals. For example, you might feel more nervous about receiving feedback from someone you respect, or on a project you worked hard on, or on a skill you are not confident about. To deal with feedback anxiety, you need to identify what triggers it and why. This can help you prepare yourself mentally and emotionally, and avoid overreacting or shutting down.
Work is hierarchical. It isn’t always fair. You may have to receive feedback from someone who sits higher than you do on the organizational chart, but whom you do not respect or look up to. That can be hard. Focus on your breathing. Say to yourself silently, “I will listen to what this person has to say. If there is value in their feedback, I will act on it.” Sometimes we get good advice from unexpected places. Once I had a boss who said, “You should be more strict with your team. You’re too nice. It’s unprofessional.” We were exceeding our goals. My boss helped me. I realized that my mission is to address what’s broken in the business world, where it can be considered unprofessional for a manager to be human with employees.
Sometimes feedback can be vague, confusing, or contradictory, which can increase your anxiety and frustration. To avoid misunderstandings and misinterpretations, you need to seek clarity and context from the feedback giver. Ask them to explain what they mean, what they expect, and what they suggest. Also, ask them to provide specific examples, evidence, or criteria to support their feedback. This can help you understand their perspective, their intentions, and their goals, and make the feedback more useful and actionable.
This article is presented as no feedback is only given in one direction. It’s not. Yes, you can seek clarity if you don’t understand what your manager is trying to tell you, but you can also share an opposing viewpoint - and you should. Managers do not have all the answers. Often in management training and unfortunately, in articles like this one, the message gets reinforced that just by virtue of being a manager, you are the expert. That, of course, is seldom the case. It could be hard to share your side of an issue or incident with your manager because they have more power than you do. You have to decide when to do that, and when to bite your lip. Over time you will figure out which managers deserve your talents, and which don’t.
Feedback can be hard to accept if you see it as a judgment of your worth or a criticism of your identity. To deal with feedback anxiety, you need to shift your mindset from a fixed one to a growth one. A fixed mindset assumes that your abilities are innate and fixed, and that feedback is a measure of your talent or intelligence. A growth mindset assumes that your abilities are malleable and can be developed, and that feedback is an opportunity to learn and improve. By focusing on growth and learning, you can reduce your anxiety and increase your confidence, as you see feedback as a challenge rather than a threat.
In some cases, the only reason you’re getting corrective feedback is because your manager is threatened by you. It is not difficult to make a fearful manager feel insecure. It happens every day. If you get too much credit from people outside the department, particularly higher manages, your manager may make you a target. You may think you’ve done something wrong, but it’s more likely that your manager is trying to neutralize your power.
Feedback can be a gift, if you see it as a sign of interest, care, and support from the feedback giver. To deal with feedback anxiety, you need to express gratitude and appreciation to the feedback giver, even if you don't agree with them or like what they say. This can help you build rapport, trust, and respect with them, and show them that you value their input and perspective. It can also help you avoid defensiveness, hostility, or resentment, which can damage your relationship and your reputation.
Indeed, feedback is a gift if it is offered with care and concern for your well-being. Your trusty gut can tell the difference between well-meaning feedback, and the other kind – feedback that is meant to keep you off balance, and wondering about your own abilities.
Feedback can be useless if you don't act on it or follow up on it. To deal with feedback anxiety, you need to take action and follow up on the feedback you receive. This can help you demonstrate your commitment, accountability, and professionalism, and show the feedback giver that you respect their time and effort. It can also help you improve your performance, skills, and results, and gain more confidence and satisfaction. To take action and follow up, you need to prioritize the feedback, set goals and plans, implement changes, track progress, and communicate updates.
Feedback can be isolating if you feel alone or unsupported in your journey. To deal with feedback anxiety, you need to seek support and feedback from others who can help you cope and grow. This can include peers, mentors, coaches, friends, or family members who can offer you emotional support, practical advice, constructive feedback, or positive reinforcement. By seeking support and feedback, you can reduce your anxiety and boost your confidence, as you feel more connected, valued, and motivated.
If you get feedback from your manager that you strongly disagree with and don’t see the value in, check your instincts by talking with people around you. Maybe you are simply feeling defensive the way many of us feel when we get feedback. Or maybe your friends and other people around you will confirm that your manager is bringing heat on you to assuage their own fear of your growing flame.
One reason many managers don’t share much spontaneous feedback is that they have not been trained to do so. They may think that the only valuable feedback is corrective feedback – feedback about something that needs to change. They may not know how to simply acknowledge or praise a specific act an employee took, or an idea the employee had. Get used to saying these things: Amazing job! Incredible results, way to go! Thanks for that idea! You are so good at this! Once again, you killed it! I love your perspective on this.