How do you control your feelings as a facilitator?

“If it’s hysterical, it’s historical” if as a facilitator you’re not on your own personal development journey, I don’t think you should be “holding” a room. Emotions will be projected onto you because you’re in a position of “authority” and so you must do the work on your emotional regulation. Therapy, journaling, awareness, meditation have all helped me become a better facilitator and I’ll be learning and developing forever as will you. If you think you’re done, you are ??

Most people when they read “breathe deeply” think: take a big inhale. This is the wrong side of breathing (sympathetic - survival/threat response). Increasing the depth of your inhale will ADD anxiety to your body which will make the emotions more extreme/more likely to feel/be perceived as negative. Instead you can extend the exhale (parasympathetic nervous system) which will counterbalance OR at least develop coherent breathing where inhale:exhale rhythm is even. As Alan Watkins says: “BREATHE: Breathe Rhythmically & Evenly Through the Heart Everyday.” It works.

When I was brand new to facilitating and teaching folks in a locked psychiatric facility how to intervene in crises, a participant asked, why he couldn't just "fight back." This was after he'd done just that and put a client in harm's way. I was triggered, but I paused, and luckily in that pause, my co-facilitator recognized the comment was coming from a place of fear. He validated the participant's anxiety, then said, "I think what you're asking is..." That was the day I truly learned the power of listening deeply while also "being on stage." Now, when a question or interruption comes my way that *feels* like an attempt at derailment, I try to understand what the underlying need is and address that need.

This is one reason having a co-facilitator becomes so important. Being able to regulate yourself, calm your emotional response and create clarity of thought and impact, you will be in a better position to communicate.

I always carry a journal with me wherever I go but especially during facilitation. I openly tell participants that I am also open to and seeking to learn from the group and this changes the dynamic because you’re embodying the intent of them being in the room too. Taking notes, staying curious and reflecting after a session has been profound for my development and I hope for yours too!

“Never give from the depths of your soul but your overflow.” Rumi If you don’t know how to manage your energy and then facilitate and give to a group, it’s not sustainable. Practice noticing when you’re energised and what you were doing, then do those things more often and build in recovery to your working days facilitating.