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How do you build rapport and trust with the other party in a negotiation?

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Negotiating can be challenging, especially when you want to reach a fair and mutually beneficial outcome. But how do you build rapport and trust with the other party, so that they are more willing to cooperate and compromise with you? In this article, we will share some tips on how to establish a positive and respectful relationship with your counterpart, based on the principles of confidence building.

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Rob McPhun

Business coach ∞ Author ∞ Team Facilitator ∞ You cannot NOT communicate so make it count!

1 Know your goals and values

Before you enter a negotiation, you need to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve and why. What are your interests, needs, and priorities? What are your non-negotiables and your trade-offs? How do you measure success and satisfaction? Knowing your goals and values will help you communicate them effectively and confidently to the other party, and also help you understand their perspective and motivations.

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Dana B. Lichtstrahl

Integrative Psychologist/Facilitator; Mental health professional; divorce mediation
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Whether you downright disagree with someone, or are seeking the best outcome with a group, ask yourself, “Do I really know what matters to them? Can I care about that? What might happen if I did? What feels good about caring about that and what doesn’t, and why? Negotiation is a process of self-reflection and awareness too. Everyone advances when we know ourselves better.

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2 Do your research

Another way to build rapport and trust is to do your research on the other party. Find out as much as you can about their background, culture, preferences, style, and expectations. This will help you tailor your approach and language to suit them, and also show that you respect and value them as a person and a partner. You can also use your research to find common ground, such as shared interests, experiences, or values, that can create a positive connection and rapport.

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Rob McPhun

Business coach ∞ Author ∞ Team Facilitator ∞ You cannot NOT communicate so make it count!
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I like to refer to this aspect as the the 3 C's. Be Curious. Ask about them. Based on your research from LinkedIn, Facebook, other social media and plain old Google search ask about their interests, work, family (if appropriate) and listening to their responses find Common ground. People like to deal with people who are like themselves. Once on Common ground and sharing something of yourself you can start to make a Connection. So Curious - Common ground - Connection for accelerating building trust and rapport.

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3 Listen actively and empathetically

One of the most important skills in negotiation is listening. Listening actively and empathetically means that you pay attention to what the other party is saying, how they are saying it, and what they are not saying. You also show that you are interested and engaged by asking open-ended questions, paraphrasing, summarizing, and acknowledging their feelings and concerns. By listening actively and empathetically, you can build trust and rapport by demonstrating that you care about their needs and wants, and that you are willing to understand their point of view.

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Rob McPhun

Business coach ∞ Author ∞ Team Facilitator ∞ You cannot NOT communicate so make it count!
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Listening requires you developing one of the most powerful tools in negotiation. The ability to use Silence! Often people listen to respond instead of listening to understand. Using silence encourages the other party to provide more information than they might otherwise have shared. It allows you time to process what they have said and often more importantly what they haven't said!! Silence also gives you the opportunity to watch their body language, monitor any changes of tone in their delivery and listen for give away phrases or words they've used which you might need to explore further. Remember not to use silence in an oppressive way (too long or too often) but long enough to encourage their further input.

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4 Express yourself clearly and respectfully

Another key skill in negotiation is expressing yourself clearly and respectfully. This means that you use clear, concise, and positive language to convey your goals, values, and proposals. You also avoid using aggressive, defensive, or manipulative tactics, such as blaming, threatening, or lying, that can damage trust and rapport. Instead, you use assertive, cooperative, and constructive strategies, such as framing, reframing, or proposing solutions, that can enhance trust and rapport. You also respect the other party's right to disagree or decline, and seek to understand their reasons and objections.

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5 Build on areas of agreement

A common mistake in negotiation is to focus too much on the areas of disagreement or conflict, and ignore or overlook the areas of agreement or alignment. This can create a negative and adversarial atmosphere, and reduce trust and rapport. A better approach is to build on the areas of agreement, and use them as a foundation for further cooperation and compromise. You can do this by identifying, highlighting, and reinforcing the points of convergence, similarity, or mutual benefit, and by expressing appreciation, recognition, or praise for the other party's contributions, efforts, or concessions.

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6 Follow up and follow through

The last tip to build rapport and trust in a negotiation is to follow up and follow through. This means that you keep in touch with the other party after the negotiation, and confirm the details, expectations, and responsibilities of the agreement. You also deliver on your promises, and fulfill your obligations, in a timely and professional manner. By following up and follow through, you can show that you are reliable, accountable, and trustworthy, and that you value the relationship and the outcome of the negotiation.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How do you build rapport and trust with the other party in a negotiation?

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1 Know your goals and values

2 Do your research

3 Listen actively and empathetically

4 Express yourself clearly and respectfully

5 Build on areas of agreement

6 Follow up and follow through

7 Here’s what else to consider

Confidence Building

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