How do you balance self-promotion and value-adding when you communicate with your network?

I love to refer to this as the “Show me you know me” concept I’ve learned from Sam McKenna. It’s all about research to show you are invested in the relationship. You’ve taken the time and respect to think about the other person’s needs before your own. It’s a huge psychological shift in which you are seeking ways to understand and help vs self serving ways you can transact and get. There’s a universal law that the more we give, the more we get and this certainly rings true with budding relationships.

Understanding your audience is crucial, but it's also important to be adaptable. While research is valuable, don't assume you know everything about someone based on their online profile. Be prepared to adjust your approach based on how they respond. For instance, if you reach out to a potential mentor with a formal message but they reply casually, mirror their tone in future communications.

In my experience taking the time to learn about where people are at is key before reaching out and engaging. It's important to find a common ground, observe what they are interested in, what they might be commenting on, and with some insight you can possibly determine their goals. Sometimes just asking the right questions (not self-serving) are key. It's important to actually take a genuine interest, praise people for their accomplishments, acknowledge/observe what they are doing that could start an interesting conversation. I tried this earlier today with a person in my network and it brought about an authentic interchange. I was able to provide help and tips that are not tied to my business goals but it fostered a deeper connection.

When building relationships online, we need to be focused on new avenues to learn about the person we want to speak to. We do not have the face-to-face advantage of picking up on interests, values, accolades, and more. Something I rarely see mentioned is to read their recommendations - there is a lot to be learned about the character and personality that can be applied to our first 'handshake'...in a digital world

We live in an era of information overload, so to be respectful of someone’s time you must be concise. The goal should be to get a call or you can discuss ways you can add value in more detail. to get someone’s initial attention always important that you first start with them and how you’ve done your research to identify that you have a aligned proposition. Don’t give away everything in your initial email as the goal is to set up a time to discuss further.

As a wellness coach trying to help people shift how they live life, some ways to add value that I find helpful are by breaking down how to take an action and explaining WHY it's worth it. I try to keep the needs of my audience forefront always. I aim to take out the overwhelm in teaching a new habit or helping my audience apply a particular skill by showing authentically, applying the point of counsel myself, and teaching or educating my audience on how someone else without that knowledge can actually take action - that's value. I'm a very visual person and so I like to take people through making practical application of a point with how-to video tips, point them to research that open up their perspective, and share testimonials.

I like to reframe self-promotion with self-advocacy! Self-advocacy is so critical when it comes to authentic leadership. Building a network is leadership, and sharing content that is motivating, inspiring and encouraging isn't self-promotion; it is authentically demonstrating the processes and strategies that have got you to where you are! People have a negative perception of self-promotion. They see it as arrogance or showing off when, in actual fact, by sharing your achievements and accolades authentically, you empower others to do the same!

What really helped me find my way in communicating with others is accepting that "I am not everyone’s cup of tea." I’ve learned that I don’t need to change who I am for people to like or respect me. Authenticity not only builds stronger connections but also brings the right people into your world. People can always sense when you're being genuine, and that honesty fosters trust.

Follow-up is an essential part of the communication cycle to build lasting relationships. Let's remember it is a process, not an event. When we understand that purpose of communication is about the receiver, we will be more thoughtful about the styles of follow up we use. In the digital world there are many modalities.. ask them their preferred communication method. And remember, we still have the physical mail to send a note or a card that will show our gratitude for their interest, effort, referral, -and valuable time- show them you care.

When communicating with your network, look for opportunities to create win-win situations. For example, if you're reaching out to a former colleague about a job opportunity at your company, you could offer to provide a glowing recommendation for them in return. Or if you're asking an industry expert for advice, offer to share insights from your own area of expertise that could be valuable to them. By focusing on mutual benefit rather than just self-interest, you build stronger, more collaborative relationships.