How can you use self-compassion to overcome perfectionism?

As a recovering perfectionist, I know that it is a coping and defense mechanism. It is also something that is repeatedly rewarded in our family systems and in the greater culture and community. It is rooted in the maladaptive belief that we will not be harmed, criticized, rejected or dismissed if things are perfect. When we can observe the voice of this strong inner critic, we can start to take a compassionate stance to this same critic. This means treating this critic with gentle kindness and remembering that we all struggle and suffer and are perfectly imperfect.

Ultimately self-compassion is self-love. Allowing ourselves to have flaws and not judge ourselves for them. It’s about being “enough”.

Self compassion and perfectionism are really funny concepts. Who's the self that needs compassion? You say "me", Or " I need to be compassionate towards myself" Who is the I, who is the me or my? Once you "know thy self", naturally you will love every part of yourself. You might not like parts of yourself but you can love the your whole self. The entire you! As for perfectionism. You either fall into the mindset that no one is perfect. That can help foster more self-compassion in knowing you won't be the first perfect person. Or perhaps you might hold the mindset that we are all perfect, just as we are. This may be a less preferred model of reality but for those that hold this belief, self compassion comes easy. What will it be for you?

Recognizing our negative self talk and affirmations may help to some degree. Having personally tried those methods I find them to be incomplete. For me, it was necessary to find a practice that helped me reconnect to the Source of unconditional love that is beyond the thinking level of the mind... where the negative self talk and affirmations reside. We cannot solve a problem at the level it was created, so getting outside the box aided me in finding true Self love. This higher self is within, beyond the thinking level. A practice such as the Art of Ascension, which uses mental techniques to connect to love and compassion, re-establishes a connection to the Higher self where love and compassion already exist in abundance.

Don't set yourself up to fail by expecting impossible standards from yourself. Recognise that, although you are certainly brilliant, you are still human and thus expecting 100% all of the time is unrealistic, unfair and demoralising. Be kind to yourself and try redefining perfect as, for example, 7 out of 10. Focus on and celebrate your successes and manage your negative self-talk.

The benefits of self compassion is that you can now live with a vision of the future rather than being a victim of the past. Now you can manifest your dreams & live from your ideal self. Having more self compassion means you can embrace change & challenges & live with great ease and less dis-ease. Understand that physically & mentally speaking, you are a product of the past. In knowing this forgive & accept yourself fully, but then from a place of compassion start to make better choices. The Dali Lama says "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion". So less thought more action. Experience the benefits rather than reading about them. Start by affirming daily "I am compassionate".

In my experience it takes deep inquiry into who we are beyond name & form to truly overcome the barriers to self compassion. The barriers to self compassion are in my opinion ignorance, ego, desire and aversion. You are who you are, you always were who you are & you always will be who you are. The question is who are you? The question can not be answered in words. You can easily enough identify who your not. You are not your beliefs. But then hold the knowing that you are who you are. There are 3 steps to overcoming the barriers to self compassion. Step 1: self observation. Step 2: self acceptance. Step 3: self understanding. Practice these 3 steps consistently every day & you will soon enough experience self compassion.