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How can you use reflective thinking to learn from a conflict with a peer?

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Conflicts with peers can be stressful and frustrating, but they can also be opportunities to learn and grow. Reflective thinking is a process of examining your own thoughts, feelings, actions, and assumptions in relation to a situation or a problem. It can help you to understand yourself and others better, to improve your communication and collaboration skills, and to find constructive solutions. In this article, you will learn how to use reflective thinking to learn from a conflict with a peer.

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1 What is reflective thinking?

Reflective thinking is an inquisitive form of thinking which encourages openness and curiosity. It is not about making judgements, but rather exploring different perspectives. Through reflective thinking, you can identify the root causes and effects of a conflict, recognize your own and others' emotions, needs, and values, evaluate your own and others' actions and choices, learn from mistakes and successes, develop new insights and ideas, and plan for future actions and goals.

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Dr. Kitty Brandal

Professional Speaker and Action-Based Leadership Coach
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Reflective thinking isn’t too challenging when we are in a curious state. But, when our brain is in a threat state, it will more be challenging. -Be careful about the “blame factory” between our ears! We are blaming the person OR helping the situation. Rather than: You are always late getting your reports in! Be curious while still getting the point across: I notice that your reports have been late for the past few months. As you know, we count on those reports for the board meetings. What obstacles are you facing with the reports? Can any of us help you with those obstacles? Once the brain is in a threat state after being “lectured to” - - it’s difficult to switch over to curiosity mode where the comprehension takes place!

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2 How to use reflective thinking in a conflict situation

Reflective thinking can be applied before, during, and after a conflict situation. Before engaging in a conflict, it is important to prepare yourself mentally and emotionally. Consider what you want to achieve, what you are willing to compromise on, and your boundaries. Anticipate the other person's perspective, and how they may react to your words and actions. During the conflict, stay calm and focused on the issue rather than the person. Listen actively and empathetically, express your feelings and needs without blaming or attacking, ask open-ended questions, explore possible solutions, and negotiate for a win-win outcome. After the conflict is resolved, reflect on what happened and how you handled it. Consider what you learned, what you did well, and what you could improve. Acknowledge your own and the other person's contributions and efforts, express appreciation and gratitude, follow up on any agreements or actions made, and monitor the progress and results.

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3 Benefits of reflective thinking for peer support

Reflective thinking can greatly improve your peer support skills by building trust and rapport, fostering a positive and supportive culture, resolving conflicts, encouraging innovation, and aiding in personal and professional development. Showing respect, empathy, and understanding can help build trust with your peers. Promoting mutual learning, feedback, and recognition can create a supportive environment. Focusing on common goals, interests, and values can help resolve conflicts and disagreements. Generating new ideas, perspectives, and solutions can foster creativity. Lastly, reflective thinking can help you identify your strengths, weaknesses, and opportunities for growth.

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Dr. Kitty Brandal

Professional Speaker and Action-Based Leadership Coach
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Emotional intelligence is the crux to reflective thinking! I’ve found that when people deliberately use the “power of the pause”, they can channel their energy into managing their impulses. It’s going to be more difficult for people to engage in reflective thinking if they have a “stuck story” about the person they are listening to. Write down what the other person is saying – it shows you are listening to them and it reveals tactical work that needs to be completed. Agree on the priorities – find a mutual purpose. It isn’t fair for anyone at work to expect people to simply “get over” their feelings about a conflict. Yet – to be “business ready” we need to use mental toughness to work through the discomfort!

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4 Challenges of reflective thinking for peer support

Reflective thinking can be a difficult process for peer support, as it requires mental and emotional effort and may even need external support or guidance. Additionally, it can be uncomfortable as it may bring to light your own or others' biases, assumptions, or conflicts. Furthermore, it can be easily misunderstood or misused as a sign of weakness, doubt, or criticism, or as a way of avoiding action or responsibility.

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5 Tips for reflective thinking for peer support

In order to make the most of reflective thinking for peer support and to overcome common challenges, it is important to be honest and authentic, respectful and constructive, flexible and adaptable, proactive and collaborative, and consistent and committed. This means admitting when you don't know something or make a mistake, avoiding assumptions, judgments, or comparisons, being open to change your mind or try different approaches, seeking feedback and input from others, and practicing reflective thinking regularly. Applying what you learn is also essential.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How can you use reflective thinking to learn from a conflict with a peer?

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1 What is reflective thinking?

2 How to use reflective thinking in a conflict situation

3 Benefits of reflective thinking for peer support

4 Challenges of reflective thinking for peer support

5 Tips for reflective thinking for peer support

6 Here’s what else to consider

Peer Support

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How can you use reflective thinking to learn from a conflict with a peer?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 What is reflective thinking?

2 How to use reflective thinking in a conflict situation

3 Benefits of reflective thinking for peer support

4 Challenges of reflective thinking for peer support

5 Tips for reflective thinking for peer support

6 Here’s what else to consider

Peer Support

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