How can you use EI to improve communication during conflict?

Use empathy to help bridge differences that may feel too big to overcome during times of conflict. When we can center ourselves using self awareness, which is the foundation of EI, then we can move into empathy which is to hold space for the other person you’re in context with to understand their lens frame of the situation. Leveraging empathy allows you to get perspective and expand understanding which can bring about new possibilities of moving forward collaboratively.

If you can rely on Emotional Intelligence during conflict, you should be able to "de-personalize" the situation--viewing any negativity toward you as an individual as not germane to the situation. At the same time, ideally, you will mentally step back and do your best appreciating the other person's emotional state and why she/he/they may feel a certain way that fuels conflict. After all, many conflicts are really not about what is being communicating. (Is it really about whose turn it is to do the dishes or clean the bathroom? Or is it most likely an issue of real or perceived unfairness that needs to be addressed?) In short, Emotional Intelligence helps to defuse conflict and lead former "combatants" to a mutually satisfying outcome.

Recently I have been between many conflict that require my intervention to build a common ground for both parties, people usually focus on their own prospective of the deal without looking into the result of such prospective overall the organization , EI was the key for me to mitigate such practices to see to which extend I can go or to which extend it will effect the business , and I always try to take the extra mile to let both parties see the result of such request , some time part of EI is to attain some of the point that are presented, until there is clear visibility so both parties can come to a common understanding.

Totally concur with the above. Before one regulates one's emotions, one must be aware or what triggers such emotional responses. Perhaps a short distraction like focusing on one's breathing for 10 seconds or even wriggling one's toes could stop the a potentially explosive confrontation from happening. It then help the brain to respond in an emotionally positive way (e.g. try to see things empathetically or even a response to diffuse the tension calling a time-out).

Conflicts are not about facts. They are about emotions and perspectives. Understanding why you think and feel the way you do is essential if you want to turn the conflict into a negotiation or collaboration. It can be difficult to shift focus from convincing others to understanding your own position. A technique I recommend is to first zoom out by looking at something far away, and then ask yourself a few questions such as what are you defending, why does it matter to you, what do you fear if the outcome differs from what you want? By asking yourself these questions you will start to understand your own position, and automatically start to wonder why others in the conflict think and feel the way they do.?

While managing an art and design team, we navigated a significant tech shift, possibly jeopardizing graphic designers' performance-based pay. Many were distressed, some even in tears during one-on-ones. Recognizing the importance of emotional well-being, I attempted to create a safe space. I actively listened, used open-ended questions, and provided tailored support, alleviating their anxiety. For most, frustration turned into determination as we embraced the change. This experience affirmed the vital role of emotional intelligence during transitions, converting challenges into opportunities for growth and resilience in our team. If you build, support, and empower people, they'll build a good business.

Rather than paraphrase, don’t escalate the conflict by adding more ‘misunderstandings’. Try repeating back, then asking clarity questions to understand the meaning behind how they are using those words.

This is important, most people come into a situation like this with a pre-determined outcome they want. Listening and evaluating what is said can help you become more relatable and trustworthy. Sometimes conflict can be resolved just by listening.

Listening is circular, meaning internal and external. An environment unto itself. Listening can be done in a variety of ways - body language, intuition, heart, the whole environment inside you and outside… One of the best ways is it step outside and take a wide look. You see in conflict the mind gets narrow, hence limiting possibilities to solve the situation. This triggers also emotions and limits the ability to be observant, curious, objective… Asking questions helps the situation to expand because more possibilities begin to be revealed. To be continued

Start with Love. I know that may not sound right in a corporate setting. Love? Really? But start with loving yourself before you go and have a conversation about addressing a conflict. One way is to recognize your courage in addressing the conflict. That is an Act of Love. This is an Act of Love because your courage could give courage to the other person to resolve this issue. Ask yourself what else can I acknowledge as the source or reason for wanting to resolve this situation e.g. You care for the company, e.g. you care for the person e.g. you care for the team. Once you have love present in your heart and mind, then ask yourself what could you ask of this person that would be an Act of Love? Could it be something small to start with?

Continued from my post under listening A way to do this is to put the problem outside of you or the team. This takes the situation from inside of you and creates it as a special entity - it is not any one person. It is intangible! Once outside you ask it questions - eg - what is the bigger issue? What does it want to say? What does it need right? The trick to not point this things / entity at any one person. Develop neutrality. Everyone is to address the entity / not another person. The most thing is to take issue out of the individuals involved, to help de-escalate the situation. This is the listening to the ‘environment’ while acknowledging feels and being empathetic of them.

Write it down. Make it clear. THEN deliver the message. You don’t always have to shoot from the hip. Try taking a pause before reacting to whatever was said and instead craft a response that is clear, concise, and genuine. Who says you HAVE TO knee-jerk react to something. Nope! Don’t do it!

This is a step many people often forget when dealing with conflict. People will take time for self-awareness and understand their triggers and reasons for the conflict and try to put themselves in the other person’s shoes to understand their perspective. I make an effort to validate the other person’s point of view before stating my own perspectives. Oftentimes, conflicts are emotional and validating the other person’s rights to their perspective and feelings and showing them you understand often will quickly get rid of the emotional aspect and allow you and the other party to deal with the problem at hand in a logical and reasonable manner.

In my experience people can feel resistent to doing this. It can feel as though you're giving up your position. When really what you're doing is helping the other person to settle their nervous system so they don't get triggered further. In doing this you're settling their nervous system and will be more open to change. One thing I find helpful is to acknowledge that you can see their perspective. It doesn't mean that you agree but just that you can see what they're saying

I would validate the other persons feelings before then explaining where I am coming from and why… that way they immediately feel heard (you were actively listening to hear) rather than thinking you were waiting to speak while they were talking.

Validation of the other persons views, beliefs and feelings should be a basic expectation at all times irrespective of whether there is a conflict or not. It establishes mutual respect between both parties and creates a working environment where disagreement does not equate to conflict. Open discourse without the negative influence of defensiveness and distrust can be a positive and effective means of overcoming shared challenges. It is incredibly unlikely that we will agree with everything that our friends, family or colleagues think our do. The trick is to realise that we don't have to, we just need to respect that no point of view is any more value than the next.

The default position in times of conflict is to win. This approach makes it difficult to acknowledge valid points being made by the other person. Always remember that there's always a 10 percent "truth" in everyone's viewpoint. Find it, acknowledge it and build up your conversation from there.

This is not necessarily true. When looking at conflict, it’s not always about a win-win situation. It’s more about importance and priority of the issue. Conflict is a part of relationship building and we sometimes need to look at building the long-term growth and trust with the other party. For example, if the core issue for the conflict is not important or a priority for you and doesn’t take too much of your time, but helps the other person, go ahead a do it. They will appreciate it and when you have an issue in the future, they will remember your efforts to help. However, if it is a critical issue for both sides, then working together to find win-win solutions is a must.

To achieve a win- win outcome ensure that you create a safe space . Do not interrupt,this ensures that you don't misunderstand the other party and also creates room for them to internalises what they are trying to say . Paraphrase what the other party is trying to convey repeat it to them for example ..if I hear you right..from what I gather..to ensure you do not misinterpret them. Let them take you through their train of thought ..find out where the disconnect is and instead of using words like 'I' you can use 'we' to show more of collaborative effort ..could we try this..what if we did this..this will ensure their is synergy and encourage dialogue and the solution will be more of a joint effort. Book suggestion :The Four agreements

EI involves recognizing and managing your emotions as well as understanding and empathizing with the emotions of others. you must show empathy and understand the situation before communicating.

A well respected and liked colleague of mine taught me an important lesson regarding following up and following through that stuck with me over the years. He explained to me that failing to deliver on agreed actions, meet deadlines or be where I promised to be left him with the impression that I was untrustworthy and unreliable, which impacted on our working relationship. Realising how personally affected he was by my inability to fulfil my obligations, was an eye opener. I committed to repairing our working relationship by ensuring that I followed up, followed through and avoided overpromising if I could not actually deliver either.

All of the points made here are correct when dealing with professional, emotionally intelligent people willing to address conflict in this productive way. However, some people are unwilling or unable to seek resolution despite best efforts. Depending on the matter, the only option may be to respectfully excuse yourself from the contentious situation, giving time to come up with an approach and plan that works for unreasonable people lacking EI.

If conflict could express one truth then it would be this…you’ve got me all wrong. Conflict is an inevitable and vital consequence of relationships in all their myriad forms. Where there is relationships, there will likely be some form of conflict. Empathy and respect for differences are essential elements of how to begin overcoming conflict. Without them, conflict resolution cannot happen. Start with empathy which is walking in another’s shoes. This helps to build understanding, and hopefully, it will give you some idea of how the other person/s are really feeling. With the bridge of empathy fastened, the next goal is to build compassion for the other side-even if you disagree with their viewpoint. Compassion is love in action.

One of the first tools to use when conflict arises is to congruently express that what you see, hear and feel happening. If you can speak from "I" and acknowledge: 'I feel myself becoming defensive at the moment because I'm afraid that what is important to me will not be heard' ... you are articulating the tension in yourself and the room no doubt also felt by others and laying the groundwork to negotiate a space where it is safe to be vulnerable.

One thing, I've found helpful is to keep an open mind, listen to the other party, let him finish, don't try to enforce, justify your point of view in the middle or asking counter questions. Also willingness to find a mutually beneficial solution would help build trust.