How can you tell if a de-escalation attempt was successful?

1 Verbal cues

One of the most obvious signs of successful de-escalation is the change in the tone, volume, and content of the other person's speech. If they lower their voice, slow down their pace, and use more respectful and cooperative language, it means they are less agitated and more open to dialogue. You can also listen for signs of empathy, apology, or gratitude, which indicate that they appreciate your efforts and acknowledge their own role in the situation. To encourage these verbal cues, you should use active listening, paraphrasing, and validating techniques, and avoid arguing, blaming, or interrupting.

2 Non-verbal cues

Another sign of successful de-escalation is the change in the other person's body language, facial expressions, and eye contact. If they relax their posture, unclench their fists, and drop their shoulders, it means they are less defensive and more comfortable. If they smile, nod, or make eye contact, it means they are more engaged and interested. You can also look for signs of humor, laughter, or tears, which indicate that they are releasing their emotions and coping better. To foster these non-verbal cues, you should use mirroring, matching, and rapport-building techniques, and avoid invading, threatening, or ignoring.

3 Behavioral cues

A third sign of successful de-escalation is the change in the other person's actions, reactions, and interactions. If they stop their aggressive or disruptive behavior, comply with your requests, or offer to help, it means they are less resistant and more cooperative. If they follow your suggestions, accept your solutions, or propose their own alternatives, it means they are less rigid and more flexible. You can also look for signs of cooperation, collaboration, or compromise, which indicate that they are willing to work with you and find a positive outcome. To elicit these behavioral cues, you should use problem-solving, negotiating, and influencing techniques, and avoid forcing, manipulating, or judging.

4 Environmental cues

A final sign of successful de-escalation is the change in the context, setting, and atmosphere of the situation. If the noise level, crowd size, or physical distance decreases, it means the situation is less chaotic and more manageable. If the location, time, or duration changes, it means the situation is less urgent and more flexible. You can also look for signs of support, assistance, or intervention, which indicate that you have allies, resources, or options to deal with the situation. To create these environmental cues, you should use adapting, relocating, and referring techniques, and avoid ignoring, escalating, or isolating.

De-escalation is not a one-size-fits-all skill, and each situation may require different strategies and outcomes. However, by paying attention to these four types of cues, you can assess if your de-escalation attempt was successful, and adjust your approach accordingly. Remember, de-escalation is not about winning or losing, but about finding a peaceful and respectful resolution for everyone involved.

5 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?