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How can you repair relationships with colleagues after a conflict?

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Conflicts with colleagues can damage trust, productivity, and morale in the workplace. However, they are also inevitable and sometimes necessary for growth and innovation. The key is to repair the relationships after a conflict and restore a positive and collaborative work environment. Here are some tips on how to do that.

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Bill Sullivan

Senior Implementation Project Manager at Optum Rx (a UnitedHealth Group company)

1 Acknowledge the conflict

The first step to repairing a relationship is to acknowledge that there was a conflict and that it affected both parties. Ignoring or avoiding the issue will only make it worse and create resentment. You can acknowledge the conflict by reaching out to your colleague and expressing your willingness to talk and listen. You can also apologize for your role in the conflict and take responsibility for your actions and emotions.

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Bill Sullivan

Senior Implementation Project Manager at Optum Rx (a UnitedHealth Group company)
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Honesty truly is the best policy. The other person knows there is an issue and with the right approach, this can be the common ground that starts the healing process. It is going to easy - NO. Can you guarantee that it will yield a spirit of reconciliation from the other person - NO. But do me a favor (really do this). Take your closed hand (palm side up). Now open your fingers. Do you see that? That is nothing. That is what you have to lose.

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Feng Xia (FX) Ang-Bruhn

?? Co-Founder & CPO at 21done | Certified Life & Success Coach ?????? New Work | Personalentwicklung | Focus on building habits, the results will take care of themselves.
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Put the focus on the situation instead of the person. Make it about the situation and avoid making judgments or attacks on the person. If you are unable to reach this person by yourself, reach out to your HR to support here.

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2 Seek to understand

The second step is to seek to understand your colleague's perspective and feelings. This means listening actively and empathetically, without interrupting, judging, or blaming. You can use open-ended questions, paraphrasing, and reflecting to show that you are interested and attentive. You can also share your own perspective and feelings, but avoid making assumptions or accusations. The goal is to understand the root cause of the conflict and the impact it had on both of you.

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Bill Sullivan

Senior Implementation Project Manager at Optum Rx (a UnitedHealth Group company)
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Obviously, you both have differing opinions on who was right and who was wrong. It's important to recognize that this other person feels that their opinion is based on rational facts just like you do. Instead of shutting down because of their initial premise does not align with yours, take some time to listen (really listen) and see if you can agree with (or at least see rationale) in any of their foundational elements. This doesn't mean that you are abandoning your whole case. Just that you recognize that other rational thinkers have validity also and to value their opinion you need to be willing to understand.

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3 Find common ground

The third step is to find common ground and mutual interests with your colleague. This means focusing on the things that you agree on, such as your shared goals, values, or expectations. You can also acknowledge the strengths and contributions of your colleague and express appreciation for their work. Finding common ground can help you rebuild trust and rapport with your colleague and remind you of the positive aspects of your relationship.

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Bill Sullivan

Senior Implementation Project Manager at Optum Rx (a UnitedHealth Group company)
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Sometimes the thing that frustrates you is something that also frustrates them. They just have a different way of processing it and that created the conflict. Maybe you are both trying to accomplish the same thing in different ways and are butting heads. Collaborating in these times can help build a bridge where you both have input into a joint solution.

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4 Generate solutions

The fourth step is to generate solutions that can resolve the conflict and prevent it from happening again. This means brainstorming ideas that can address the needs and concerns of both parties, without compromising or sacrificing. You can use a collaborative and creative approach, such as the SCAMPER method, to generate solutions that are beneficial for both of you. You can also evaluate and select the best solution based on criteria such as feasibility, effectiveness, and fairness.

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Bill Sullivan

Senior Implementation Project Manager at Optum Rx (a UnitedHealth Group company)
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This can be difficult and could very well include "agree to disagree" At least this way you both know the patch of term that you are not going to unite on. Another is to clearly map out solutions to "hot points" that you have discussed. If I understand that you feel talked over on calls, maybe I make a point to stay on mute until the talking has subsided and then I provide my input.

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5 Implement and follow up

The fifth step is to implement the solution that you agreed on and follow up on its progress and results. This means taking action and fulfilling your commitments, as well as monitoring and measuring the outcomes. You can also communicate regularly with your colleague and provide feedback and support. Implementing and following up can help you demonstrate your accountability and reliability, as well as reinforce the positive changes in your relationship.

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6 Learn and grow

The sixth step is to learn and grow from the conflict and the repair process. This means reflecting on what you learned about yourself, your colleague, and the situation, and how you can apply it to your future interactions. You can also identify the skills and strategies that you used or developed, such as communication, empathy, or problem-solving, and how you can improve them further. Learning and growing can help you turn a conflict into an opportunity for personal and professional development.

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7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Bill Sullivan

Senior Implementation Project Manager at Optum Rx (a UnitedHealth Group company)
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Once I had an issue with a peer who was leaderships point person for task assignments (sorry Karen T.). It wasn't her fault but it felt like a slam when I would get assigned more work (especially when we had just talked about me being overwhelmed). It took some time for me to realize that Karen was also in a difficult situation. After talking with her I realized the stressful position she was in as she knew I was slammed and had nowhere else to go with the work. When I gained that understanding I took Karen to lunch to apologize for being standoffish to her. We were both so relieved that the tension was over and were able to move forward with a better working relationship. Change can happen. It's up to every one of us.

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Feng Xia (FX) Ang-Bruhn

?? Co-Founder & CPO at 21done | Certified Life & Success Coach ?????? New Work | Personalentwicklung | Focus on building habits, the results will take care of themselves.
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I think it’s also important to remember that you always have the option to reach out to your HR or team lead to support here. Having a third party can also help to bring in more objectivity and mediation.

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How can you repair relationships with colleagues after a conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Acknowledge the conflict

2 Seek to understand

3 Find common ground

4 Generate solutions

5 Implement and follow up

6 Learn and grow

7 Here’s what else to consider

Staff Development

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How can you repair relationships with colleagues after a conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

7

1 Acknowledge the conflict

2 Seek to understand

3 Find common ground

4 Generate solutions

5 Implement and follow up

6 Learn and grow

7 Here’s what else to consider

Staff Development

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感谢您的反馈

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