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How can you read emotions to uncover the root of conflict?

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Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, whether personal or professional. But how you handle it can make a big difference in the outcome. One of the most important skills for conflict resolution is reading emotions, both your own and the other person's. Emotions are often the root of conflict, and understanding them can help you communicate better, empathize more, and find a solution that works for both parties. In this article, you will learn how to read emotions to uncover the root of conflict, and how to use them to your advantage.

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Nathan Weigel, MSSL

Safety Manager

1 Why emotions matter

Emotions are not just feelings that happen to you. They are signals that tell you something about your needs, values, and goals. They also influence how you perceive and respond to situations, and how you relate to others. Emotions can be positive or negative, and they can vary in intensity and duration. When you are in conflict with someone, emotions can either help or hinder the resolution process. If you ignore or suppress your emotions, you may miss important information or create more tension. If you express your emotions inappropriately or aggressively, you may escalate the conflict or hurt the other person. But if you acknowledge and manage your emotions effectively, you can use them to understand the situation better, express your needs and interests clearly, and build rapport and trust with the other person.

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2 How to read your own emotions

The first step to reading emotions is to be aware of your own. This means paying attention to your physical sensations, thoughts, and behaviors that indicate how you are feeling. For example, if you are angry, you may feel your heart rate increase, your muscles tense, and your voice raise. If you are sad, you may feel your chest tighten, your eyes water, and your shoulders slump. If you are happy, you may feel your face smile, your energy rise, and your body relax. By noticing these cues, you can identify your emotions and label them accurately. This can help you calm down, think rationally, and communicate effectively. It can also help you recognize what triggers your emotions, and what needs or values are behind them. For example, if you are angry because someone criticized your work, you may realize that you value quality and respect, and that you need feedback and recognition.

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Georgie Nguyen

Volunteer Program Manager at Hospice of San Joaquin
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Mindfulness is a key factor to self and external awareness. For example when you’re anxious sometimes your body exhibits symptoms and or mannerisms of danger, but we are able to slow down and recognize anxiety we can then coach and use tools to help us become less anxious. Am I in danger? Is there a major consequence ahead? What can I do to better what’s currently occurring in my thoughts or in my space.

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3 How to read the other person's emotions

The second step to reading emotions is to observe the other person's. This means paying attention to their verbal and non-verbal cues that indicate how they are feeling. For example, if they are angry, they may use harsh words, loud tones, and aggressive gestures. If they are sad, they may use soft words, low tones, and passive gestures. If they are happy, they may use positive words, high tones, and open gestures. By noticing these cues, you can infer their emotions and empathize with them. This can help you understand their perspective, validate their feelings, and show respect and care. It can also help you discover what triggers their emotions, and what needs or values are behind them. For example, if they are angry because you missed a deadline, you may realize that they value reliability and efficiency, and that they need communication and cooperation.

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4 How to use emotions to your advantage

The third step to reading emotions is to use them to your advantage. This means leveraging your emotions and the other person's emotions to facilitate the resolution process. For instance, you can use frustration to motivate yourself to resolve the conflict, hurt to express your needs and interests clearly and respectfully, and gratitude to build rapport and trust with the other person. Furthermore, you can use the other person's emotions to understand their needs and interests better, validate their feelings and show empathy, and influence their behavior and attitude positively. By doing so, you can help foster an environment of cooperation and commitment.

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5 How to avoid common pitfalls

The final step to reading emotions is to avoid common pitfalls that can undermine the resolution process. These include misinterpreting or ignoring the other person's emotions, projecting or imposing your own emotions on the other person, and reacting or overreacting to the other person's emotions. To successfully navigate these issues, you need to be mindful, curious, and respectful of the other person's emotions. Additionally, you should be self-aware, self-regulated, and self-expressed of your own emotions. By doing so, you can create a positive emotional climate that promotes understanding, collaboration, and resolution - avoiding conflict and hostility.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Nathan Weigel, MSSL

Safety Manager
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Take a moment to identify the type of emotion others display. Frustration is the type of emotion that shows who cares. In addition, it shows that they have a need that isn’t being met. Allow them the time to explain why they feel frustrated. It may lead them to an enlightened moment or provide the organization with stronger and better processes.

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How can you read emotions to uncover the root of conflict?

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4

5

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1 Why emotions matter

2 How to read your own emotions

3 How to read the other person's emotions

4 How to use emotions to your advantage

5 How to avoid common pitfalls

6 Here’s what else to consider

Conflict Resolution

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How can you read emotions to uncover the root of conflict?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Why emotions matter

2 How to read your own emotions

3 How to read the other person's emotions

4 How to use emotions to your advantage

5 How to avoid common pitfalls

6 Here’s what else to consider

Conflict Resolution

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