How can you prioritize self-care without feeling guilty or ashamed?

I remember quote that captures the essence of self care: “self care is giving the world and your loved ones the best of yourself, instead of what little is left of you.”

A woman leader that I was coaching went through extreme guilt pangs to take 30 min off for her SKY (Sudarshan Kriya Yoga) practice everyday. "My kids depend on me. Work will suffer if I don't respond immediately. My in-laws need my care. How can I just disappear for 30 minutes?" "But I also need SKY - it brings me so much rest and energy" It took a couple of conversations where we worked out her list of perceived commitments to all her stakeholders and bucketed them as 'Essential', 'Frills', 'Imaginary' (her choice of words). She reached emotional comfort to take time off for SKY as long as she was able to manage her 'Essentials'. This step of drawing a boundary helped her to enjoy her little routine of self care without regret.

Self care Vs Selfish...let's look at this from a new paradigm. In the course of my coaching conversations, a recurring theme emerges where individuals tend to perceive self-care as a selfish endeavor. It is crucial to recognize that engaging in self-care is instrumental in revitalizing both the mind and body, subsequently enhancing one's ability to excel in subsequent tasks and care for others effectively. Initiating a deliberate pause, taking a break, and engaging in activities that foster rejuvenation serve as foundational steps in equipping oneself to navigate life situations more adeptly.

Reframe your mindset. Look at the actual definition of selfish. It simply means acting in your own best interests. It speaks nothing of ethics & morality. You can do both. Our western world has elevated virtue or "being good" as only attainable thru sacrifice. That you MUST give away something you want (time/money/energy) in exchange for something someone else doesn't have. And thus, anything done for your own benefit is not only selfish but "bad". Reframe. Take care of your health. Get financially secure. Out compete someone for the job you want. These things are just; they are good; they are admirable. And when attained allow you to make room to give back in a way that is meaningful for you because you have more to give; more to share.

In a lot of cultures, there's more emphasis on 'human doing' than 'human being'. To buck the system or cultural norms can be hard. And, yet, still is important to do for your wellbeing... I mean there's only one you living this one life, so it's just got to be done. Personally, I love grand gestures like an exotic vacation but I've come to realize small steps are more important in order to get daily doses of self-care. Exercising most morning but also enjoying a moment to savory my chai tea on my off days. Both are done with intentionality and give me great pleasure. Then I sprinkle little joys and moments through the day. I am only human after all... as the song goes.

To give you the strength to set healthy boundaries for yourself is to have goals that inspire and are important to you. When you have important goals, then they become your priorities. To become successful with your goals, you would need to set boundaries to give yourself time to self-care, otherwise, you will not become successful. The more that your goals are important to you, the higher your motivation level to set boundaries to take care of yourself.

Setting boundaries is a crucial skill for maintaining healthy personal as well as professional relationships and ensuring our own well-being. Having said that I feel it is very tricky and many times I have felt too shy to let others know that I do have my limitations and preferences. And, now I am working on this by analyzing what is acceptable for me and what is not. I am more specific and clear when expressing my acceptable boundaries. I try to give recent examples to make others understand my point.

Self-care and self-love will never be a waste of time. As a human being, if you can become a better person daily, then that is a success. Reaching your full potential requires self-care. The two things that I believe that you will never regret in life are taking care of yourself and having the ability to do what you love in life.

It is also important that you do not need to put out a lot of time daily to self-care. For example, drinking one more cup of water daily or exercising 10 more minutes daily are very effective ways to care for yourself. It is through the little daily action steps that will make a difference, not once while big activity.

A simple and effective way to celebrate your progress is with a Book of Wins! Capture your victories, big and small, by writing them out each night. Jot them in a journal or in a note on your phone. Start with one 'win' for each day - work your way up to 3. Your brain is always seeking out information that confirms what it already believes - this practice primes it to seek out the positive in your life. If you believe self-care (or anything!) is challenging, your brain will seek out all the ways this is true. Once you begin seeking out the ways it DOES work in your life, your brain will seek that out instead. It's called Confirmation Bias ?? Use it to your advantage with a Book of Wins!

One thing thats is always good to remember is a simple saying, it may seem cliche however. "You cannot serve from an empty cup" means that filling your self confidence and self love quota on a regular basis allows you to have the energy to give to others. Feeling content with yourself by living with a habit of regular and consistent, selfcare and self love actions, thoughts and habits allows you to be there for others as your best self. Being your best self comes from selfcare and self love.

It is important to understand that your life success depends on you. If you do not care for yourself, then you will not have the energy and strength to become successful.

1. Set boundaries, honor needs. 2. Embrace self-compassion, release perfectionism. 3. Schedule regular breaks, prioritize mental well-being.