How can you manage fear of rejection and social exclusion?

Speak up, stand up for your convictions and act with courage. This might literally put your life on the line, but your life is on the line anyway without courage, so you just might as well be bold and stand for what you know to be right. You might be lonely while at it but the price is well worth it.

The fear of rejection is primarily self-induced and illusory. We can either feed it and let it overtake reason or confront and eradicate it as soon as it surfaces. It is essential to understand the nature and pattern of such a fear and investigate its root cause. The key is to candidly scrutinise our image and see if we like what we see instead of focusing/stressing about acceptance by others. We must decide what is more crucial for us—a liberated life or one controlled by external influences. Making conscious changes to our thought process can enormously benefit our overall well-being. In any case, the merit of social inclusion/exclusion is overrated. It is best to moderate it and not allow it to interfere with our repose.

We often personalize rejection when it's not about us at all. Could it have been an oversight or a miscommunication? Could you have conveyed a message that you're too busy, or not interested in a particular event you may not have been invited to? It's often our fears that we give way too much attention to and what we feed, grows.

En mi consulta yo utilizo el método de la triple A: Acepar, Abrazar, Alternativas Aceptar: El primer paso es conectarnos con nosotros mismos. Es decir, aprender a escuchar nuestras emociones. Ellas llegan para comunicarnos algo. Nuestra misión no es querer cambiarlas (ya que esto no es posible) sino más bien aceptarlas, tal y cual son. Nos gusten o no. Abrazar: al aceptarlas sin juzgarlas nos estamos acercando a ellas. Y esto es básico para descubrir qué hay detrás. Cuando las escuchamos estamos haciendo un trabajo de autoconocimiento. Alternativas: El tercer paso es buscar alternativas que nos ayuden a regularlas. Si bien no las podemos cambiar, cuando hemos hecho una autoreflexion, podemos regularlas, bajarles un poco la intensidad.

Growth happens on the outskirt of our comfort zone. Sometimes it gets uncomfortable digging deep down to become aware of our true emotions. It could be easy to mislabel an emotion with something else because speaking the truth makes you vulnerable, and our subconscious mind does such an incredible job protecting us. A general guideline to get to acknowledge your core emotions could be to look what's underneath that 3-5 times.

I find that practicing meditation focusing on the observation of thoughts can provide a great benefit in our mental awareness. Only if we are able to notice such thoughts, we can connect with them and find understanding where they come from and why they appear.

There isn't just one organ in our head that is widely known as the brain. It's really two different organs wired VERY differently, and when they get activated, they produce very different emotions that produce very different thoughts and attitudes. As humans, we are hard wired to have "sticky brains" because that's how we survived. Acknowledge that it is easy for negative thoughts to persist in our minds because we're hardwired for survival and to lookout for danger. There are ways to develop your mental fitness so you can command your mind to shift from a negative mindset where you're stressed and upset to a positive mindset, where you're able to tap into your curiosity, creativity, and take clear-headed laser focused action.

Our brains are wired for survival. Often, this means they default to worst-case scenario thinking. They shortcut to save energy: event -> response happens automatically, eliminating our ability to attach a new belief and meaning between a familiar event and our feeling/response. Two key things that can be done to counteract negative thought patterns: 1) Ask yourself: what are the facts? Journal about this. If you struggle, seeking outside counsel can be helpful (coach, therapist, trusted friend) 2) Intentionally replace worst-case scenario thinking with most-likely scenario thinking. Notice when you’re defaulting to the worst case and substitute that thought with a more realistic alternative. Event -> Belief -> Meaning -> Response

It's a shared human experience that we speak to ourselves in a pretty toxic way that we wouldn't say to friends or people we love. We know ourselves so well that we don't let ourselves get away with anything. I don't know that there is a one-size-fits all secret sauce to deepening self-compassion. It could be rooted from many different reasons and the invitation is to do your inner work, discover your values, know when they're violated, know how to honor them. Love your younger self and your inner-child. If you're curious to get a coach to join you in this journey, feel free to reach out to me!

While focusing on becoming active and take positive steps towards feeling less rejected and more included is important, it is easier to say than to do. If it is deeply rooted in traumatic past experiences or has been following a person for years or decades, this process has to be done in smaller steps. It takes time for the brain as well as the body to adjust to new ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. I recommend to be always respectful with personal boundaries and don't push ourselves too much out of our comfort zones - rather taking slow small steps forward, but with consistency.