How can you manage difficult stakeholders with emotional intelligence?

In my experience, emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to understand and manage emotions effectively. It involves self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and social skills. Empathy, in particular, is a superpower—it allows us to connect with others, understand their feelings, and build meaningful relationships.

EI implies the humane aspect of the persona. It entails minding the 'human' in others. As a value, EI seeks report as foundation to prospective engagements.

It all starts to understand where the person is coming from - what is the current context of her area, company, personal , etc. which is driving her to act on a certain way. When you've assessed it's easier to differentiate what's related to you/your work and what's not and become more empathetic, objective and forward thinking in your discussions

First of all, remove the word 'DIFFICULT' from your vocabulary. That is only creating an extra psychological barrier between you and them. If you have no success with a certain stakeholder, conduct deeper research about their WHY. Once you'll understand it, you position yourself better to approach them about what THEY care about, rather than what you want to tell them. Sometimes, no matter what - you can't get through. It is better to understand it early and move to the next stakeholder. Go back to them after a while, as things are dynamic and your timing could be better next time.

Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to recognize, understand, and manage your own and others' emotions. EI consists of four main components: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. By developing your EI, you can improve your communication skills, build trust and rapport, and influence others positively. EI is especially important when dealing with difficult stakeholders, who may have different or conflicting goals, perspectives, or personalities.

Everyone is a sum of all our life experiences and learnings, and this is why everyone is different. Every information we got about a stakeholder can say something about its history and experiences, so it is important to research, and more important: to listen. Listen to the people is the better way to really know them.

If you think a stakeholder (or stakeholder group) is "difficult," it's probably this. Sure, in practice, they may be difficult for you to manage. But why is that? Once you go a few levels deep into the "why," you'll start to see them less as "difficult" and more as "someone with a human perspective." You might not ever share that perspective, but understanding it can help guide your thinking and decision-making in the relevant areas.

It's essential to not just have empathy but to SHOW empathy. When in conversation, deeply listen to them - see their world and understand their unique feelings. Then, show empathy - appreciate their unique feelings and worldview, and communicate that you care. I see you, I hear you, I care about what you shared. Even if you don't agree with someone, make sure you appreciate and respect their views. In this process, you'll find that you do have differences, and you also have common ground you might not have understood before. When you practice this regularly, and you take action in support, trust will come. With mutual trust, you can find a way to move forward together.

Creo que primero sería importante conocer sus necesidades y pensar desde su perspectiva entendiendo la situación, contexto y experiencias. Comunicarse asertivamente con un lenguaje claro, respetuoso y sobre todo sincero.

Humans are social beings and we are always looking for groups we can be part of. We have the need to be included. Listen, understand, create identification and make people feel included, make them feel like part of the group.

Effective empathy in the business world considers the specific style in which each of your stakeholders best receives information. Much like styles of learning, some stakeholders are overwhelmed by data-heavy reports, while others prefer less intimate conversations in favor of detailed reporting. How you deliver communication is as important as active listening, and a simple way to seed trust with a new stakeholder is to mirror their communication style until you have an opportunity to improve it. If you aren't sure how your communication is being received, ask for feedback and be clear, kind and receptive.

Emotional intelligence (EI) mentioned above is essential for understanding and self-regulating your own emotions. It's also important to develop cultural intelligence (CI), where you're working to understand other people's viewpoints, especially people who come from different backgrounds and identities. With EI and CI—along with a mutual trust you've built from deeply listening and showing empathy—you can communicate with an understanding of the other person's viewpoint. Frame your message through the lens of what is important to them.

Managing difficult stakeholders with emotional intelligence involves understanding their perspective, regulating your own emotions, and fostering open communication. By empathizing with stakeholders, maintaining self-awareness, and seeking collaborative solutions, you can build rapport and resolve conflicts effectively. It's about balancing assertiveness with diplomacy, actively listening, and finding common ground to achieve mutually beneficial outcomes.

In my experience, there is one key area where stakeholder management can falter: accountability on progress. We all want our stakeholders to trust in our process without being micromanaged or buried in rote reporting. Anticipate the desire for accountability by setting clear expectations at the outset of a project on how often and in what format you will be providing updates, check-ins mockups or prototypes. Let them understand what defines a meaningful reporting milestone for you, and why more frequent reporting may actually detract from your focus on the goal or efficiency towards the deliverable. Whenever possible, also be explicit about your expectations for the timeline to return feedback and provide requested info.

Develop a safe space for having inclusive conversations where you learn each other's viewpoints. Listen to understand rather than listen to change someone's mind. Find common ground and work toward mutually-beneficial solutions together.

At the root of most conflicts is a desire to have our perspectives understood. In situations where conflict between stakeholders arises, it is not enough for voices simply to be heard--every speaker must feel respected. To mediate effectively, model empathetic leadership by focusing on creating a forum of trust and transparency that will allow you to pinpoint the base problem. Only when all stakeholders can unravel and release the armor of heightened emotions, assumptions and hearsay to agree on the core problem, can we effectively begin to solve for that problem. Make the work of clarifying the problem the first collaborative triumph as a team.

Recently, a board chairperson with very low emotional intelligence in a very dismissive and disrespectful way attacked a person on our team, whom he absolutely needs in order to move the committee forward. It was a disaster! One way I was able to help manage this, even though I’m not the vice-chair was to appeal to his soft side and help him to see through the eyes of empathy what his actions were accomplishing. At the end of our conversation he apologized to the person that he offended. It wasn’t the best apology, but it was a beginning.

1) Listen to them without interrupting or judging. 2) Validate how they are feeling. For example:”sounds like you are frustrated by our decision to change direction.” 3) Listen again to understand what’s under the difficult behavior or what’s driving it (hint: it often has nothing to do with what you thought ) 4) Ask how you can help or support them.

Un aspecto a tener en cuenta cuando hay conflicto entre las partes interesadas es que el mediador debe mantenerse neutral y debe saber discernir en que momento realizar el abordaje. En una ocasión dos líderes de grupo tenían posiciones contrapuestas y la conversación se tornaba acalorada, en ese momento como mediadora les pedí una pausa para que transitaran las emociones y les propuse reanudar la reunión al día siguiente. Al día siguiente se retomo y fue posible llegar a acuerdos con mayor objetividad y éxito.

You have to meet people where they are and not take their frustrations personally. People’s reactions, be it anger, joy, or anything in between, are simply information. What you do with that information needs to be productive. If you are finding that a group of stakeholders are showing patterns of frustration over the same thing, then it’s time to adjust operations to positively impact your stakeholders’ shared experience. If it’s a one-off situation, then dig into what’s really going on specifically with that stakeholder. There’s an episode of Ted Lasso that illustrates this point: the captain of the team attacks a fan for saying something ignorant, but the real reason he was upset is because he wasn’t being trusted by a close friend.

The key here is to understand the "Motivation" behind the inputs from each keyholder. Everyone has certain background motivations that they want to drive and to deliver better and have better interactions you need to understand these motivations and mold your conversations accordingly.