How can you help your coachee set realistic expectations for coaching?

In the desire to connect with coaching clients and show them the value of coaching, it can be very tempting to just dive in and start coaching. But agreeing on the coaching parameters -clarity on what the coachee hopes to achieve through coaching, what the coachee will need to drive and commit to in order to see results, what they can expect from you - is an essential part of setting the coachee and the coaching realtionship up for success. Find authentic ways to engage your new client in discussion on these matters and the coaching theory of why things like client leadership, accountability, measures of success, clarity and open re-negotiation, support a powerful coaching relationship. Co-designing the agreement sets the partnership tone!

The potential coachee is interviewing me, and I am interviewing them, in a manner of speaking. We both need to figure out if we want to work with the other. By clarifying the purpose, scope and expectations of the relationship we already being to evoke change within the other, and create value. I have clear expectations of the coachee, and I seek a handful of clear agreements (which they may or may not agree to make). We are each successful through the other. We serve no one well when we partner in coaching believing there is a low chance of success.

Clarifying the purpose and scope of coaching means confirming the role the coachee plays in the experience. My role as a coach is to be a powerful advocate and guide for their lives, but they have to show up and do the work. As a certified transformational coach who works with working parents and families - and as I personally have worked with MANY coaches myself - I know the process of transformation is the hardest thing any of us will ever do. That's why it's important to create agreements with the coachee or group that they commit to fully participate in the process, even when it's heavy and hard. There's no worse damper on your day as a coach than having a client who consistently does not follow through on their commitments.

When I begin working with a new client, I ask up front the areas where I need to be tough on them, and where I need to be gentle with them. This eases the process for both of us, making their process of transformation rapid in some areas, and slow and steady in others.

This perspective resonates deeply with my own coaching experiences. I meet with some of my clients weekly, while others prefer a monthly schedule. The mode of interaction varies too, from Zoom calls and phone conversations to in-person meetings. This flexibility is key in catering to each client's unique needs and comfort levels. I've found that adjusting the frequency, mode, and style of coaching sessions significantly enhances their effectiveness. It creates a tailored environment where clients feel heard and supported, fostering a more productive and meaningful coaching journey. This approach not only respects individual preferences but also maximizes the impact of the coaching process.

Setting realistic expectations for coaching involves establishing a foundation that balances the focus on results and learning. It is important to begin with clarifying that coaching is a dual-purpose journey, encompassing both achieving tangible results and fostering continuous learning and development. At the same time also emphasize that the process is not solely about immediate outcomes but also about acquiring skills and insights for long-term success. For example, behavioral changes takes time to happen and requires lots of learning on the way and actions to get the desired results.

It is very important to stress the importance of active participation and ownership in the coaching process. As a coach its important to hold the coachee accountable for the discussed actionable during the coaching session. Encouraging the coachee to take responsibility for their goals, actions, and progress becomes inevitable. Emphasize that the more engaged they are, the more impactful and tailored the coaching experience will be to their unique needs and aspirations.

In my experience, open and honest communication is essential in making the coaching process successful. The coach needs to really understand the coachee's aspirations and what success will look like for them. During the early stages of the coaching process (chemistry and contracting) I always assess their current situation, and align on what is an achievable outcome before moving to formal coaching. When assigning actions to a coachee, they need to be specific, measurable, and time-bound - providing clarity on what is required and providing a real expectation on what a successful outcome will be.

A part of any coaching should be clarification of the relationship and rules of engagement. If consent is just another signed document, the crack for conflict is left open. Coaching can be quite an intense process of change. Coachees can change their minds or feel overwhelmed. I always clearly communicate the framework before any session; it calibrates both sides. Although some things are obvious and known, we change daily, internally, and in response to our environment. Mantras are a good way to communicate rules of engagement. You can create mantras together with your coachees as a set of rules that frames a mindset and borders. It's almost like the consent from both sides, created as a simplified story to follow in any circumstances.

Help your coachee develop a growth mindset. Progress is better than perfect. Make goals trackable so any progress is visible. Help them build a journaling habit... to: 1. Practice gratitude - the natural multiplier of all blessings. 2.Rewrite negative thoughts, improductive strategies and hurtful stories. - In any scenario meaning is KING. 3. There is no such thing as useless repetiton, rewrite different, empowering results or meanings for any given negative thought or scenario. Remind them that small, consistent increments will make up for larger progress than an exhausting sprint. Make room for error, learnimg and restarting; some of the most successful stories are built on learning from failures turned into how not tos.