How can you help women leaders navigate difficult conversations at work?

I believe that difficult conversations at work are an integral part of any leadership journey. In many cases, it requires bravery to initiate such conversations, and often times difficult conversations are the only choice. The key to an effective difficult conversation is transparency, respect, and a willingness to achieve a resolution that works for as many participants as possible. When all the participants entering the conversation have such a mindset, the difficulty of the conversation can be transformed into a win-win business environment and raise the conversation to a whole new level of possible resolutions.

A few years ago I was told something inappropriate by my CEO. My first reaction was: "is he a bully? if so, this is going to be a career-defining moment." Before we began my next 1:1 I informed him about my reaction to his inappropriate comment. I mentioned that I conducted a cultural analysis on him to make sure he was not a bully, and I found he was not. He immediately mentioned he was under a lot of stress, as the board had just asked him to make a decision that overrode me. He became my biggest proponent, and trust was immediately built. I didn't judge; instead, I searched for factual data, which showed me my first assumptions were wrong. Always go with the facts.

Women looks for security first.. then they can open with conversation. Giving them secure and trusted place and time is the best way to advise.

As Dr. Mark Goulston, the world authority on listening, says: "Listen INTO what they're saying." That requires active listening... sometimes I have to listen to what's NOT being said. There is a term I coined as : "Innocent Curiosity." When asking questions, the receiver must know that I am genuinely curious, and not asking with a previous agenda. Asking like a child, with innocent curiosity, builds trust and allows the receiver to exhale when asked the questions, knowing I have their best interest at heart. This type of trust takes time to build; one experience, one conversation at a time. We must show we care, as talk is cheap.

From my perspective, it is crucial to treat colleagues with respect, irrespective of gender. Use open and transparent communication, ensuring that everyone feels heard and valued. Respect boundaries and engage in nurturing conversations, avoiding mansplaining and toxic lectures.

Managing your emotions does not mean that you should quell, minimize, or hide your emotions. It means you have to be AWARE of your emotions and use them as data. Naming your emotions can go a long way in creating safety and trust in a difficult conversation because it's a courageous thing to do and that creates intimacy and closeness. It is disarming and vulnerable, which can turn a tense situation into a lighter and more manageable conversation. It brings humanity into the space, making it possible for two people stuck in a difficult situation to actually see each other and empathize with one another.

I learned a long time ago when doing crisis intervention counseling, that if I bring my emotions to a situation, my ability to stay objective and help the situation greatly diminishes. Bringing empathy while keeping my own emotions in check has served me well is not only handling my own situations, but also helping HR departments handle difficult situations for them when called upon to do so.

Staying human and realizing we are in the people business helps keep us humble and honest. That is what our people need from us.

People are energy and women, we are excellent energy managers. My advice is: 1. Study and know your best energetic moments (which day of the week and after or before doing what) and plan the conversation for that moment where you will be in your 'best form' 2. If not possible and you are facing this conversation in the middle of chaos, don't rush to answer, even if they are insisting, take your time. Best politicians and leaders took their time before giving their point or answer. Time in between will calm the waters and give you perspective 3. Try to capture the energy of the other person: whether he/she is earth, air, fire or sun. Giving them what they are waiting for, according to their personality (numbers, emotions, examples,..)is key.

Take your time to understand what values and strengths of yours are involved in the difficult conversation This will help you identify the "root cause": why you care. And from this place of knowing is easier to be assertive and empathetic, therefore have a win win rather than a win- lose conversation

Objectifying colleagues creates a toxic workplace by destroying respect and fairness. Treating everyone with dignity builds a positive and empowering environment where everyone feels valued..