Conflict is inevitable in any team, but it can also be a source of learning and growth if handled well. As a team facilitator, you can help team members see the other side of a conflict and foster a constructive dialogue that leads to better outcomes. Here are some tips on how to do that.
Before you can help team members see the other side of a conflict, you need to understand what is causing it. Is it a difference in values, goals, expectations, or perspectives? Is it a misunderstanding, a miscommunication, or a lack of trust? Is it a personal issue, a professional issue, or a mix of both? By asking open-ended questions, listening actively, and summarizing the key points, you can help team members clarify the root cause of the conflict and acknowledge each other's feelings and needs.
Once you have identified the root cause of the conflict, you can help team members reframe the problem as a shared challenge that they can solve together. Instead of focusing on who is right or wrong, or who is to blame or to praise, you can help team members see how the conflict affects the team's performance, goals, and relationships. You can also help them see how their different views and skills can complement each other and contribute to a better solution. By reframing the problem, you can help team members shift from a competitive to a collaborative mindset.
Another way to help team members see the other side of a conflict is to encourage empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings and thoughts of another person, even if you do not agree with them. You can help team members develop empathy by asking them to put themselves in each other's shoes, to imagine how they would feel and act in the same situation, and to express appreciation and respect for each other's perspectives and experiences. You can also help them use empathic language, such as "I hear you", "I understand", and "I appreciate", to communicate more effectively and build rapport.
Feedback is essential for learning and improvement, but it can also be a source of conflict if not delivered or received well. As a team facilitator, you can help team members see the other side of a conflict by facilitating feedback that is constructive, specific, and timely. You can help team members give feedback that is focused on behaviors and outcomes, not on personalities and intentions. You can also help them receive feedback that is open-minded, curious, and respectful. By facilitating feedback, you can help team members see how they can improve their work and their relationships.
The final step to help team members see the other side of a conflict is to promote action. Action is the process of implementing the solutions and agreements that team members have reached through dialogue and feedback. You can help team members take action by setting clear and realistic goals, assigning roles and responsibilities, monitoring progress and results, and celebrating achievements and learnings. You can also help them review and adjust their actions as needed, based on feedback and changing circumstances. By promoting action, you can help team members see the positive outcomes of resolving their conflict and working together.
One thing I have found helpful is to" ASK, AND DO NOT TELL. Scholars in human conversation had found that questioning is a powerful tool for promoting progress toward the shared goals of conversation partners. Follow up questions seem to have special power. They signal to your conversation partner that your are listening, care, and want to know more. People interacting with a partner who asks lots of follow-up questions tend to feel respected and heard. Well-posed questions have been shown to shift opinions on even the most polarizing issues. So listening authentically rather than try to persuade is a sure road to get team members see the other side of the conflict.