Conflict resolution is a vital skill for any professional, but giving feedback on how others handle it can be tricky. You want to help them improve, but you don't want to offend, discourage, or demotivate them. How can you give feedback on conflict resolution without making common mistakes? Here are some tips to guide you.
The first rule of effective feedback is to be specific and timely. Don't wait too long to share your observations and suggestions, or they might lose relevance or impact. Also, don't be vague or general, or they might miss the point or feel confused. Instead, use concrete examples and data to illustrate what went well and what could be better. For example, instead of saying "You were too aggressive in the meeting", you could say "When you interrupted John three times in the meeting, it made him feel disrespected and defensive".
One thing I've found useful during my conversations with senior people (14 years and above) on this subject is that there's an opportunity out there, beyond threat when a conflict has taken place. Example of Opportunity: This is a situation when People can learn about each other's strengths and perspectives from where they're coming from. During conflict resolution, if one attempts to step forward to reach a common ground, the conflicts could sometime prove useful and help with a stronger bond between two parties.
The second rule of effective feedback is to focus on behavior, not personality. Don't make personal judgments or assumptions about the other person's motives, intentions, or character. That will only make them defensive or angry, and damage your relationship. Instead, focus on the observable actions and outcomes that you want to address. For example, instead of saying "You are too stubborn and rigid", you could say "You did not listen to any of the alternative solutions that were proposed".
The third rule of effective feedback is to use the sandwich method. This means that you start and end your feedback with something positive, and put the constructive criticism in the middle. This way, you balance the negative and positive aspects, and show that you appreciate the other person's strengths and efforts. For example, instead of saying "You did a terrible job at resolving the conflict with the client", you could say "You did a great job at initiating the conversation with the client, but you could have used more empathy and active listening to understand their needs and concerns, and then you ended the conversation on a positive note by thanking them for their feedback".
The fourth rule of effective feedback is to ask for their perspective. Don't assume that you know everything or that you have the only valid opinion. Instead, invite the other person to share their thoughts and feelings about the situation, and listen to them with respect and curiosity. This will help you understand their point of view, acknowledge their emotions, and show that you care about their growth and development. For example, instead of saying "You should have done this or that", you could say "How do you think you handled the conflict? What did you learn from it? What would you do differently next time?"
The fifth rule of effective feedback is to offer support and resources. Don't leave the other person hanging or feeling overwhelmed by your feedback. Instead, show that you are there to help them improve and succeed, and provide them with some practical tools and tips to apply your feedback. For example, instead of saying "You need to work on your conflict resolution skills", you could say "I can recommend you some books, courses, or mentors that can help you develop your conflict resolution skills. Would you be interested in that?"
The sixth rule of effective feedback is to follow up and celebrate. Don't forget to check in with the other person after giving your feedback, and see how they are doing and if they have any questions or concerns. Also, don't forget to acknowledge and celebrate their progress and achievements, and give them positive reinforcement and encouragement. For example, instead of saying "I hope you do better next time", you could say "I'm proud of how you applied the feedback and resolved the conflict with the client. You showed great skill and professionalism".