How can you frame constructive feedback to minimize defensiveness?

No - because the effectiveness of the sandwich method is being questioned by experts, as it is perceived as superficial and not adequately specific. Embedding constructive feedback between praise may potentially dilute the criticism or not be taken seriously enough. Instead, it is recommend a more direct and open approach where feedback is communicated clearly and precisely without packaging it. Through open and honest communication, clients can better understand what needs improvement and, therefore, respond more effectively to the feedback. It is important to consider different approaches and choose the appropriate method for constructive feedback based on the individual client and context.

The Sandwich approach to feedback, where criticism is "sandwiched" between positive comments, has its drawbacks. While it aims to soften criticism, it can muddy the message and seem insincere. Personally, I find it less effective for two reasons: 1) It dilutes the impact of the feedback, causing confusion. 2) Over time, it conditions people to expect criticism following praise, reducing the value of positive comments.

I recommend reframing the conversation from "feedback" to "tools for improvement." When providing someone with feedback, you are identifying the specific things that they need to change. You are giving them the roadmap for improvement. This is also a teaching moment. Share with them the power of working with a growth mindset. Finally, I ask, "Would it be okay if I share some tools that will enable you to improve your results?" The individual is more likely to take in the conversation with an open mind. Reframing the conversation from a negative to a positive one completely changes the dynamic.

While there is some truth to that, I believe directness is the best way to give feedback. Positive attitude towards the person and being ready to handle a negative self-image is important, but the sandwich method is very well a known tactic and it might come across as insincere and even a little manipulative.

The “feedback sandwich” sounds great in theory but it’s terrible in practice. Think about it as “A Salt Sandwich” no matter how think the bread is you will still be naturally repulsed by the salt, Also “A Salt” is a phonological ambiguity, meaning words that sound the same but have different meanings. When you attempt a feedback sandwich you are assaulting someone.

The Four-Step Method of Nonviolent Communication by Marshall B. Rosenberg can indeed serve as a valuable guideline for formulating constructive feedback to minimize defensiveness and maximize learning and growth. The method emphasizes empathetic communication and can help create a supportive environment for feedback. By applying this method, you can help ensure that the feedback is constructive, empathetic, and solution-oriented, thereby reducing the likelihood of defensiveness and creating a positive foundation for personal growth and development.

Be as specific as possible so the person receiving the feedback has something they can genuinely go and act on. This also helps with defensiveness as people perceive that you have carefully considered the feedback you are giving them. It also doesn't hurt to actively listen to what they have to say.

I believe we should always consider the timing and context of the feedback. It's important to make sure it's offered in an environment that's conducive to a constructive conversation. This can make the person more receptive and less defensive, fostering a more open and productive dialogue.

Personal coaching is all about asking the questions, that eventually will let the person you are coaching ask himself all the right questions, the fact is people react differently to "Feedback" so it is the coach's responsibility to create an environment of trust and understanding that demands honesty. Ergo, be honest, and unbiased, and trust your ability to allow a person to learn from his mistake, and be able to do the same.

Feedback should always be reasoned, objective, constructive, situational and appropriate. It must be adapted to the person concerned so that they can understand it, apprehend it and comprehend it in their own perspective. Essential for that is the reason, the deviation from the expectation and the illustration of alternative behavior, based on the four-sides model of communication. This individual communication enables a constructive conversation, in which the feedback can be accepted by the person being criticized, possible defensive attitudes can be reduced or prevented and changes in behaviour can made possible for the future.

The SBI model is particularly useful because it focuses on observable facts and avoids labelling or judging the individual. By sticking to the situation, behaviour, and impact, you allow the recipient to understand the issue without feeling personally attacked. This minimises defensiveness and opens the door for a constructive conversation about how to improve.

We have learned that receiving feedback can be a very stressful moment. It can be uncomfortable when your director or manager comes to remind you of what you did wrong in the past. The SBI model is too descriptive and I believe it would provide clarity instead of defensiveness. However, it is essential to gain self-awareness and learn to differentiate between what is right and could have been done differently. It is important to seek help from others in understanding how things are perceived externally. Therefore, we should focus on the future rather than dwelling on the past. My friend and mentor developed a concept called "feedforward" that removes all the negative connotations associated with feedback.

The SBI model can be a great start to a constructive conversation, as it begins with the facts of the situation and then helps the employee understand the impact of their action. Here are two ways to make the framework most effective: 1) To ensure the employee receives the feedback with your positive intent, avoid using words that are emotionally charged or sound judgmental, like "procrastinated" in the example. 2) Once you've shared the S, B & I, pause. Ask the employee for their perspective on the situation from a place of genuine curiosity (which minimizes defensiveness). More often than not, you'll learn additional context that will help stave off future issues.

Let me give you an example. Suppose a team member has been missing deadlines, affecting the project. Using the SBI model, you'd approach it like this: Situation: Start by pinpointing the situation. For instance, "In the last project phase, I noticed..." Behavior: Next, describe the behavior observed, "the deadlines for tasks A, B, and C were missed..." Impact: Then, explain the impact of that behavior, "which delayed the project and increased the workload for the team." This way, the feedback is clear, specific, and focuses on the behavior, not the person, reducing the likelihood of defensiveness. It also opens the door for a constructive conversation on how to improve, making the feedback a stepping stone rather than a stumbling block.

In my experience I have utilised the "Outcome model" it's a theory I cam up with that works in practice and it's easy to remember. 1. Position the client in an outcome frame of mind, i.e. what's their aim, what are they hoping to head towards. 2. Ask them how they think what they have said or done will support them in getting what they want? 3. In line with their aim would x,y or z (offer alternatives) be more useful next time? This way encourage the client to remain open to suggestions for improvement and their amygdala doesn't shut down the discussion.

Asking for permission is a useful strategy when offering feedback in coaching as it positions people to lean in and invite feedback. Permission is like "the knock before you enter" giving the client a chance to invite or reject feedback. Furthermore, following feedback with an invitation to agree or disagree is an empowering way to partner with clients, offering the opportunity for reflection, choice and personal agency.

This is actually the most important thing to remember. You can't coach someone who isn't open to being coached. Always communicate about what you're doing as a coach in these situations. Tell your client that what you're going to say might come across as harsh, but it's intended to get them to that next level they've been wanting to reach. And always give the client the chance to react and share their side of the experience.

For instance, you might start by saying, "I have some observations about the project we just completed. Would now be a good time to share them with you?" This courtesy gives the other person a chance to be mentally prepared for feedback. Then, after sharing your feedback, invite them to give their own perspective or feedback on your observations or even on your own performance. For example, "I’d love to hear your thoughts on this matter, or if you have any feedback for me as well." This approach promotes a culture of open communication and continuous improvement. It helps to minimize defensiveness as it's framed in a respectful and collaborative manner.

It's important to distinguish coaches from other helping professions. There is a wide misconception that coaches are cheerleaders and/or offer advice. In fact, Coaches partner with people to access their inner wisdom as experts in their own lives. Statements like "You have made great progress on this skill, and you can continue to improve by doing this..." fall into validation and advice, which is not a coach's role. A coach is most powerful when acknowledging and empowering a client with statements like, "I see how hard you are working to improve and I'm wondering what other strategies you have at your disposal?" Coaches are in a unique position to raise awareness and responsibility by building self-efficacy.

For instance, instead of saying "You didn't do this well," you could say "With some more practice or a different approach, you could excel in this area." This signals that you believe in their ability to improve, which can be empowering rather than deflating. Using language that reflects a belief in their potential to grow and improve can be motivating. For example, phrases like "I've seen how much you've improved in this area, and I believe with some adjustments, you can do even better." By consistently framing feedback within a growth mindset, you encourage a culture where feedback is seen as a tool for development rather than a judgment, thus minimizing defensiveness and fostering a culture of continuous learning and improvement.

The reality is simple: To achieve minimal defensiveness, consider timing, framing feedback as a collaboration, using 'I' statements, focusing on specific behavior, highlighting strengths, active listening, setting clear expectations, encouraging self-reflection, and offering solutions. By creating a supportive and respectful environment, coaches can guide clients toward meaningful learning and growth.

The art of giving feedback is a skill that improves with practice and thoughtful execution. By opting for methods like the SBI model over fewer effective frameworks, you're more likely to foster a culture of continuous improvement rather than defensiveness.

When giving feedback I would change it into feed-forward (a concept coined by Marshall Goldsmith?) to change a certain behavior for better results. Then, here’s another aspect to consider: how to do it in a way of least defensiveness? In the social work context years ago we framed this as “appropriately different”. If we stick to the old behavior, nothing changes. If we insist on something “too different”, we get rejected. In the middle is “appropriately different”. So, when giving feedback, take a future-oriented approach, and guide toward manageable (but continuous) improvement.

This is a wonderful write up. I must bring awareness to one important aspect though. What is being discussed in this article would be more relevant to a manager - team mate than to a personal coach -client engagement. As coaches, one must look at constructive feedback more on the lines of helping the client bring awareness, Self reflect , acknowledge. Reflecting inquiry helps. Acknowledge the progress, taking goals, changes happening and explore emotions, thoughts, options, cognitive reframing etcwhen they are stuck, not taking action.