How can you establish healthy boundaries during a conflict?

Often many of us forget our boundaries. Sometimes we may feel our Juniors/colleagues/managers are not supportive and conflict may arise. But should we go and shout at our colleagues/juniors? No, even if he/she is my junior we should not shout. we should recognize the boundaries that every employee deserves to be respected. Instead of shouting, we should sit together and mutually discuss the issues. we can try to assist with any help that would enable him to complete his responsibility. Setting boundaries is about mutually understanding our responsibilities and also about having faith in our colleagues.

The problem with setting boundaries, frankly, begins with the word itself. Boundaries have a negative connotation. It implies a separation from others. It suggests an impermeable barrier where you don’t allow others into your circle. Quite the opposite is true. Setting boundaries, when done properly, can be incredibly freeing and will ultimately strengthen your personal and professional relationships. A good way to think of the boundaries we are talking about is that of a chainlink fence rather than an impenetrable cement wall.

As important as it is to understand your own feelings and the needs underneath the feelings to set and communicate your boundaries it's equally important to be aware and acknowledge someone else's boundaries – without judgement. Quite often other people's boundaries don't make sense to us because even though the consequence (setting boundaries) is the same, the feelings and needs underneath can be totally different. In a conflict it can be even more challenging to listen actively and empathetically because our own dynamics and belief systems may block us. In this moment try to mirror objectively what you observe and ask what the person needs. This helps to identity boundaries and supports you to care.

Setting boundaries takes practice. You will struggle at first. You will, undoubtedly, fumble with the words. I like to keep things short and simple. Use “I’ sentences such as: I feel_____ when you ____ because_____. What I need is__________________. If this is the first time you read the sentence above, you may become nervous because it feels “too direct” because hear me clearly--it is an incredibly powerful statement that is clear, confident and direct. Keep it simple.

Find a friend or colleague who is really good at setting boundaries. You know these people are. In fact, you can immediately picture his or her face right now. Great leaders have an uncanny ability to do this effectively. They are not afraid to say no yet they do it with such poise and grace you feel that they have a superpower. They don’t--they have had a lot of practice. Learn from them.