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How can you establish clear boundaries and expectations with your mentee or coachee?

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Establishing clear boundaries and expectations with your mentee or coachee is essential for building a trusting and respectful relationship. Boundaries define the scope, roles, and responsibilities of both parties, while expectations set the goals, outcomes, and feedback mechanisms of the coaching or mentoring process. In this article, you will learn how to communicate and negotiate your boundaries and expectations with your mentee or coachee, and how to handle any challenges or conflicts that may arise.

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Omar Halabieh

Tech Director @ Amazon Payment Services | I help professionals lead with impact and fast-track their careers through…

1 Why are boundaries and expectations important?

Boundaries and expectations are important because they create a safe and supportive space for your mentee or coachee to grow and learn. They also help you avoid misunderstandings, confusion, or frustration that can damage the relationship or hinder the progress. By clarifying your boundaries and expectations, you can establish mutual trust, respect, and accountability, and foster a positive and productive coaching or mentoring experience.

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Omar Halabieh

Tech Director @ Amazon Payment Services | I help professionals lead with impact and fast-track their careers through the power of mentorship | #1 LinkedIn Arab World Creator in Management & Leadership
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Setting these as part of the initial meeting helps get the relationship off to a good start - they establish a foundation of respect, trust and also accountability. This can cover areas such as confidentiality, action item tracking, availability etc.

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Kieran Doherty

Organisational Leadership Consulting
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As humans, getting transparency and agreement on boundaries and expectations is not only important but critical because we are masters of assumption. And some of the biggest assumptions we continually make are that others know what we know, value what we value and perceive what we perceive. So building a common engagement field together is simply a must.

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2 How to communicate your boundaries and expectations

The best time to communicate your boundaries and expectations is at the start of the relationship, or as soon as possible. To share and discuss your boundaries and expectations with your mentee or coachee, you can use a formal or informal agreement, a written or verbal contract, or even a simple conversation. Possible topics include the purpose and objectives of the coaching or mentoring relationship, the duration and frequency of the sessions, the preferred mode and method of communication, availability and response times, confidentiality and privacy of exchanged information, roles and responsibilities of both parties, goals and outcomes of the process, feedback and evaluation methods, ethical and professional standards, as well as boundaries and expectations. Be clear, honest, realistic about your boundaries and expectations while also being open to theirs. Seek to understand their perspective and needs in order to reach a mutual agreement that works for both of you; if possible, document it.

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Kieran Doherty

Organisational Leadership Consulting
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Interestingly we spend so much time these days talking about and focusing on feedback that we miss the opportunity feedback models give of us. A well known feedback model is SBI = Situation, Behaviour, Impact. It provides us with the labels to structure feedback so that it actually means something to people and leads to action. But even better, it’s perfect for feeding forward. What is the situation (or purpose), what are the desired behaviours that will be needed for success, and what will the impacts be because of those contributions and commitments. Simple is awesome ??

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3 How to negotiate your boundaries and expectations

Sometimes, you may encounter situations where your boundaries and expectations are not aligned with those of your mentee or coachee, or where they change over time. In these cases, it is important to negotiate your boundaries and expectations in order to resolve the differences or adapt to the changes. To do this, you should acknowledge the issue and express your willingness to work on it. Furthermore, you should actively and empathetically listen to their point of view and concerns, and share yours with respect and honesty. You should also identify the common ground and the areas of disagreement or divergence, explore possible options that can meet both parties' needs and interests, agree on a feasible solution, confirm the new or revised boundaries and expectations, and document them if possible. It is essential to approach the negotiation process with a positive and collaborative attitude, while being prepared to compromise, adjust, or renegotiate as needed.

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Kieran Doherty

Organisational Leadership Consulting
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I can never stress this enough when I deliver leadership programs; Purpose is vital for everything. Why? Because when we establish and agree upon the purpose of an object, a task, a project, a meeting or a company, if we do it properly, we establish common understanding on what will be contributed and what the impacts will be. When purpose is not commonly understood nor agreed upon, then misalignment takes way too long to correct or, engagements remain fractured and struggle to progress. Identify and agree on the reason the engagement exists in the first place, then any issues or misunderstanding can be validated or understood based on how they support or impede progress towards desired goals.

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4 How to handle boundary and expectation challenges

Even with clear and agreed boundaries and expectations, you may still face some challenges or conflicts in your coaching or mentoring relationship. These could include boundary violations, expectation gaps, role confusion, and relationship issues. To handle these challenges, it's important to address them promptly and constructively. You can communicate clearly and respectfully about the issue and its impact, refer to the original agreement for guidance, provide constructive feedback and suggestions for improvement, seek feedback from your mentee or coachee on how to resolve the issue, implement the agreed actions and monitor the results, and seek external support if needed. It's also important to be mindful of your own emotions and reactions, as well as those of your mentee or coachee, and manage them effectively while being respectful and supportive.

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Kieran Doherty

Organisational Leadership Consulting
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?? Go back to the purpose of the engagement. What were the reasons for its existence in the first place? What were the contributions both parties offered to achieve what impacts? For example: “The purpose of the engagement is to explore, challenge, and stretch the coachee in a safe and supportive environment so that the coachee can identify the actions they will take to improve and evolve the relationships and culture within their team”. This language then provides clear avenues for discussion on the behaviours, boundaries and standards needed by each party so that the purpose can be realised.

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5 How to maintain your boundaries and expectations

Maintaining your boundaries and expectations is an ongoing process that requires regular communication, feedback, and evaluation. You should check in with your mentee or coachee periodically to review your boundaries and expectations, and see if they are still relevant, appropriate, and effective. You should also celebrate your achievements and successes, and acknowledge your challenges and learnings. You should also be open to feedback and suggestions from your mentee or coachee, and incorporate them into your practice. You should also seek your own feedback and learning from other sources, such as peers, supervisors, or mentors.

Maintaining your boundaries and expectations is not only beneficial for your coaching or mentoring relationship, but also for your own personal and professional development. It can help you enhance your skills, knowledge, and confidence as a coach or mentor, and also improve your well-being, satisfaction, and fulfillment.

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Kieran Doherty

Organisational Leadership Consulting
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Talking about boundaries and expectations is hard. Why? Because it has never been a consistent part of cultures or accepted norms in our societies, communities, schools or families. It is an untrained muscle. Simply building the vocabulary and language that describes the needs, expectations and behaviours is hard. We don’t learn that stuff at home, at school, or in public. So don’t panic. Just know that being aware of the need to start those conversations is an awesome first step. Then tTry, fail, improve, repeat. With intention and practise it can become second nature to have these conversations readily.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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How can you establish clear boundaries and expectations with your mentee or coachee?

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6

1 Why are boundaries and expectations important?

2 How to communicate your boundaries and expectations

3 How to negotiate your boundaries and expectations

4 How to handle boundary and expectation challenges

5 How to maintain your boundaries and expectations

6 Here’s what else to consider

Leadership

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How can you establish clear boundaries and expectations with your mentee or coachee?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Why are boundaries and expectations important?

2 How to communicate your boundaries and expectations

3 How to negotiate your boundaries and expectations

4 How to handle boundary and expectation challenges

5 How to maintain your boundaries and expectations

6 Here’s what else to consider

Leadership

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