How can you encourage clients to share their thoughts and feelings?

It is seldom that executive clients open up in the first session. It takes time... once the rapport is build, once they see and start to trust the mentor, that is when slowly they start to share their thoughts, initially it is all about building trust, listening with out judging, discuss informal topics and work on connecting with them on personal level. Active listening is definitely crucial here. I have seen in my coaching after usually 3 sessions down they start to share their problems. And as a executive coach I LISTEN - Actively. Without judgment.

The ICF defines active listening as focusing on what the client is and is not saying to fully understand what is being communicated in the context of the client's systems and to support the client's self-expression. Active listening requires patience, especially in creating a non-judgmental space, and allowing clients to share at their own pace can build trust over time. Flexibility is key, so tailor active listening techniques to the individual. Acknowledging and validating clients' emotions by demonstrating empathy helps clients feel understood and encourages further sharing. Paying attention to non-verbal cues, such as subtle shifts in body language or tone, can provide valuable insights into the client’s emotional states.

Firstly, the time and space must be safe for clients to share their thoughts and feelings. Secondly, sheer listening will not do it; the Coach needs to remain curious, which leads to active listening. And with time, when the client feels more comfortable, there is more to discuss, and that leads to an upward cycle of active listening.

A senior executive, quite accustomed to a formal and structured communication style, appeared reserved during coaching sessions and hesitated to share personal challenges and emotions. Recognizing the executive's preference for formality, I initially structured sessions around discussing professional goals and challenges. As rapport developed, I introduced more casual and open-ended questions, creating a less formal atmosphere. Additionally, I shared relevant personal anecdotes to demonstrate vulnerability. By adapting the communication style, the executive gradually began to feel more at ease, fostering a deeper level of trust to express her thoughts and feelings.

What i have learned in my years of experience is blend. Blend with their style to build the initial connection. Keep your eyes open and ears widest open. Listen and observe, talk less, ask more questions. Eventually you learn more about thier personal style. and then adapt to them. Once the trust is build. The table turn on my side. I am in control and further coaching works on my terms. I simply love this part.

The effectiveness of a question often lies in its ability to provoke thought and guide the client toward deeper self-discovery. In my practice, based on the context, I incorporate the following questions; - How do your personal values play a role in your approach to leadership? - Can you identify any concerns or fears linked to the anticipated changes? - Can you recall a specific challenge from your past that taught you valuable leadership lessons? - Are there aspects of your leadership approach that you're considering refining or strengthening? As a coach one needs to be mindful of adapting questions based on the specific context and needs of clients to stimulate deeper thinking, self-reflection, and insight.

I have prepared the set of questionnaire with my years of experience. It is mix of formal, informal and a few personal question. Open ended questions are great way to get deeper into learning about your clients behaviour, intentions and expectations. There is no way better than that. here are few examples... How has your journey been so far? Did you always wanted to be what you are now? WHo is your anchor? Who do you idealise? and why? What is your dream destination? have you been there? What advice would you give to younger generation? and many more

I never give my feed back at the first session. It is always after I am completely confident of what I am telling to them. However a few insist on getting the feedback in the first meeting, then very carefully I frame my words to ensure the the message is polished and coneveyed in a right way.