How can you differentiate between constructive and destructive feedback?

Distinguishing between constructive and destructive feedback is vital. Constructive feedback focuses on specific behaviors or actions, offers solutions, and aims to help you improve. On the other hand, destructive feedback is vague, focuses on personal attacks, and lacks actionable suggestions. Always prioritize feedback that helps you grow and ignore comments that are unproductive or demeaning.

Ensure that you are willing to make changes before you solicit feedback. Not all feedback has to be acted upon but why waste your own and others time if you are prepared to even consider some form of action based on what you learn?

Consider these 3 factors to determine constructive or destructive feedback: 1. Intent behind the feedback: Constructive feedback is delivered to help the recipient improve and grow, focusing on specific behaviours or actions that can be changed. Destructive feedback, on the other hand, may be driven by personal bias, lacking clear objectives for improvement. 2. Tonality of the feedback: Constructive feedback is typically delivered in an empathetic manner, emphasizing strengths alongside improvements. Destructive are judgmental, discouraging further growth. 3. Impact: Constructive feedback encourages reflection and inspires positive change, Destructive feedback, however, can damage relationships, erode trust, and demotivate individuals.

Constructive feedback is aimed at improvement; it's specific, actionable, and focused on behaviors or work, not the person. It often includes suggestions for growth and acknowledges strengths. Destructive feedback, on the other hand, lacks specificity, may be personal or emotional in nature, and often lacks guidance on how to improve. Constructive feedback builds up, while destructive feedback tends to tear down.

Constructive feedback is provided with the intention of helping the recipient learn and grow, focusing on specific behaviors or actions and offering actionable suggestions for improvement. It is delivered respectfully, with empathy and support, and encourages open dialogue and collaboration. Constructive feedback is specific, clear, and focuses on behavior rather than attacking the individual. It contributes to long-term personal and professional development, building trust and a culture of continuous improvement. Destructive feedback, on the other hand, is often driven by negative emotions or personal biases, attacking the person's character. It is vague, critical, and demoralizing, damaging relationships.

Relationship Dynamics and Consistency: Reflect on the nature of your relationship with the feedback provider. Feedback from someone who has a direct stake in your success, like a mentor, maybe more constructive than from someone with less investment in your outcomes. Look for feedback consistency from various sources, as repeated points are likely constructive. Assess Tone and Actionability: Notice the emotional tone of the feedback. Constructive criticism is typically delivered in a supportive, calm, and respectful tone, aiming to encourage growth rather than to demean or control. Constructive feedback is usually specific and actionable, providing clear pointers on how to improve, rather than vague or purely negative comments.

Like everything else it is important to know the credibility of the source who is imparting the feedback. 1. Is the person a subject matter expert on the thing the person is sharing feedback on 2. Or is the person someone who because of his/her position or authority thinks that he/she is the best person to give feedback 3. Did the person collect enough facts and figures on the matter or person the feedback is given to Sometimes, the limited knowledge and belief of the person giving feedback impacts the very purpose of a positive feedback keeping growth perspective in mind. It is wise to check if the person giving feedback has his/her credibilities in the right place or not. Last but not the least, feedback should be never imposed upon.

Evaluating feedback sources is vital, akin to discerning advice quality. Mentor feedback is gold, offering depth from experience. Peer insights might align with current trends but lack depth. Understanding their perspective enriches your growth journey. Feedback's origin shapes its value. Supervisors focus on organizational fit, while mentors aim at your career arc. Recognizing these distinctions allows for a nuanced approach to professional growth, turning varied advice into a personalized development plan.

Ask for specific examples. If the person providing the feedback provides you with a generalization and can't provide a specific example of when and how you demonstrated the behavior, take it with a grain (or a handful) of salt. Also, consider the impact of implementing the feedback. Will it make the company better? Will it help your reach your professional goals? If the answer is yes, identify one or two action items to implement the feedback.

Constructive feedback focuses on positive aspects while offering solutions for improvement. It is specific, factual, action-oriented. It encourages dialogue, respects autonomy, and promotes collaboration. Examples: 1. Your cart looks empty. How about adding some grocery items for breakfast? 2. It seems like your phone is running out of storage. Try deleting some unwanted pictures to free up space for new memories. Destructive feedback focuses on flaws with the intent to criticise or hurt. It’s vague, opinionated, and often includes personal attacks. Examples: 1. You have been watching YouTube for 2 hours. Stop wasting your sleep time! 2. Your savings account has been low for 3 months. What's wrong with you?

Providing constructive feedback is not as easy as one may think, and maintaining the other person's dignity and confidence level, often takes diplomacy, practice, or putting yourself in the shoes of the receiver. For example, consider their current self-esteem/confidence level before delivering feedback. Many job seekers experience moments of self-doubt, imposters' syndrome, and/or can be depressed about losing a job and not knowing how to land one. Leverage the "Golden Rule" To do unto others the way you would want done unto you," is a safe approach. See a specific strategy I've had great luck using and teaching under, "Respond Appropriately."

Remember that the goal of constructive feedback is to build a person up by helping them recognize their blind-spots. We should not internalize feedback we have received that is vague, insulting or meant to demotivate us. The content of good feedback can be a catalyst for improving work skills or growing in perspective. Listening and learning from constructive feedback is beneficial.

Distinguishing constructive from destructive feedback transforms how we perceive and use critiques. Constructive feedback is a blueprint for growth, detailing what worked, what didn’t, and offering solutions. For example, praising your project's innovative approach while suggesting time management improvements offers clear pathways to excel. It’s actionable and empowering. Conversely, destructive feedback acts like fog on your career path, obscuring direction and sapping motivation. Statements like "Your work lacks professionalism" without further explanation or guidance leave you stranded. Seek out feedback that clarifies, not confuses, turning critiques into stepping stones rather than stumbling blocks.

When it comes to responding to feedback, you must first determine whether it's useful—regardless of whether the feedback is positive or negative. So, before responding, start by ensuring the comments are grounded in data and facts. Request examples of their observations, and inquire about specific actions you can take to address those opportunities. Then, ask probing questions to see if it's possible to transform the feedback into valuable information. This transforms any feedback (positive, negative, useful, or poor-quality) into your arsenal for driving positive change.

1. It important to remember that it is not about what you say, it about how you say 2. Please don't become defensive in order to prove a point 3. It is not a gayan download session. Allow the other person to talk and listen 4. Keep your share of the promise 5. Sometimes we impose our thoughts and ideas. Feedback is really not about that 6. Don't rush through the process

See the "Analyze the content" section above as a primer for the below. A former Psychology Professor of mine (back in the days when dinosaurs roamed the earth), had us read, "I'm OK, You're OK" by Thomas A. Harris and one by Eric Berne on a model called Transational Analysis. He promised these books would share invaluable methods of communicating more effectively with others. Berne describes a communication style based on ego states and examines what happens when people communicate. Messages are either INTENTIONALLY delivered in a way that causes others to retreat to unhealthy emotional ego states or the recipient PERCEIVES this intent and gets "stuck" in this state/place. (See "Here's what else to consider" section for helpful examples.)

Reacting wisely to feedback sets the stage for growth. With constructive input, show gratitude, seek clarity, and integrate the advice into your actions. This approach not only enhances skills but also strengthens professional bonds. Acknowledging the effort behind thoughtful feedback fosters a culture of continuous improvement and respect. When faced with destructive feedback, maintain composure and discernment. Rather than engaging in fruitless debates, request specific examples, or if necessary, escalate the issue to protect your well-being. Handling negative feedback with grace preserves your self-esteem and positions you as a resilient and adaptable professional, qualities that are invaluable in any career journey.

(See Respond appropriately" section for additional context.) Eric Berne's book on Transactional Analysis" provides simple ways of alternatively phrasing "suggestions" in a more constructive way. Q: What causes this? A: Using any words that contain "not or a contraction such as Don't, Won't, Wouldn't, Shouldn't, etc. Why? It's judgmental/critical, even if you believe you intended it to be constructive. Rather than: 1) Shouldn't you do it this way? 2) Don't you think you should... Try: 1a) What if you did it this way? Would this get the results you desire? 2a) How would it be if you took this approach? If the recipient is offended by what you've said, you must neutralize the unhealthy ego state. I suggest reading this short book.

Everyone is receiving information through their own personal filter of experiences, mood, environment, etc. When determining if feedback is constructive or destructive, explore what you are bringing to the table. If you are in a horrible mood and reading written feedback, it is extremely likely that you are reading it in the tone of your mood. So, it is important to create space to receive feedback and consider it objectively, unless there is a valid reason to disregard it. Check in with your emotions before deciding how to categorize the information provided.

Few things that should be considered before giving feedback are 1. Is the time right for giving feedback 2. Is the person open to receiving feedback 3. As a person giving feedback do he/she has a. Right attitude b. Right tonality c. Right knowledge d. Right know-how e. Right facts, figures and data 4. Is the feedback given measurable and monitored 5. Is the person giving feedback approachable and answers questions with clarity 6. Is the feedback really needed or just a corporate goal which has to be done for the records

Constructive feedback aims to facilitate growth and development by addressing specific behaviors or actions in a respectful, clear, and actionable manner. It focuses on separating the behavior from the individual, fostering open communication and collaboration, and encouraging self-reflection and improvement. In contrast, destructive feedback is often driven by negative emotions or biases, attacking the person rather than the behavior, and lacking specificity or constructive guidance. It can damage relationships, undermine confidence, and hinder progress. Understanding these differences enables individuals to provide feedback effectively, nurturing a culture of learning, and positive change.