How can you develop a problem-solving plan for clients with anger management issues?

The first step is always awareness and then being able to express their anger in a safe space. Expressing our emotions is not a bad thing but for many of us growing up, have been taught that certain emotions are not acceptable. We then start to push them and even numb them with alcohol and other crutches. But they will go somewhere and can come out inappropriately in the workplace or other environment. There is a lot to cover here and we need to feel to express our anger safely which is what I show my clients to do so they can let go of that anger and other debilitating emotions.

Years ago, I worked with a client who had anger management issues and was in danger of losing their job. Luckily, they were open to coaching, and we worked together for six months - with me using open questions to explore their world and what was happening to trigger their anger. I also used Myers Briggs to help them gain fresh perspectives on their behaviour and that of others.

identify the trigger, sometimes asking what makes you angry hardly get you the correct answer because most of our emotional reactions hardly are noticed by our conscious mind. however and close observation as they tell you the story of how they got angry can help you isolate the triggers

What has helped me and my clients is to prepare myself mentally first. If we are not in a good headspace, feel distracted or are dealing with our own emotional triggers - it becomes quite difficult to demonstrate genuine empathy, listen to understand and not reply, and be fully present to pick up on both the client's verbal and non-verbal cues. Then as a second step, I set an intention before my session with the sole objective to help my client feel better after the session. This clears out any bias I have, and makes sure that I transform any potentially judgemental questions into curiosity. Because people can feel when you are judging them, even if it is unintentional.

We are all wired uniquely. This wiring informs our unique needs and contributions. When our needs are met we can contribute effectively, often optimally. However, when these same needs go unmet, we can be triggered into overuse and underuse patterns of behaviour. This causes systemic disengagement and conflict and when ongoing, can cause acute anger. However, exploring one's natural wiring (through one's Strengths Assessment) and the associated triggers, overuse, and underuse patterns, one can learn to manage these through a deep understanding of oneself, and the associated needs, as a way to reduce the triggers, mitigating anger and conflict as a result.

I would add that the 2nd step could involve focusing on one recent experience and have them walk through it again and at the same time notice that what they are feeling and experiencing in their body as they share. Then it can be helpful to have reflect on when was the first time they felt or experienced this. The goal here is to explore if there are similarities to what they learned about being angry and what is happening now. Anger is a surface emotion that can be a strategy to avoid other feelings like sadness, shame or guilt.

In my experience, what has helped is to put the client's mindset in the right framing by using emotional disassociation techniques. Often when we feel intense emotions, especially negative emotions such as anger and frustration, we use a tunnel vision. Being open to other perspectives becomes difficult as we are carrying those emotional attachments. So first I diffuse their negative emotions so that they feel more neutral by putting them at ease and allowing them to channel their negative emotions. Than I apply the 360-degree perspective where I use the perceptual positions technique and help my clients look at a challenge from different angles so they no longer associate the intense emotions with their challenge.

I'd also help my client differentiate between what issue lies with the client (his/her own "stuff") and which issue is something that can be changed by making their needs known. I'd ask the client to choose between working on "their stuff" (anger rooted from past experiences that get triggered in the moment) or working on addressing the external present-day moment that triggered the anger.

Adjust Expectations Sometimes unrealistic expectations of themselves or others lead to frustration. Help reframe their thinking around the situation. Shift from judging to understanding different perspectives.

I would connect with how they feel when they are losing their temper, and especially how they feel afterwards. Then explore if their angry self is an element of themselves they want to represent their best self. Then we would spend time talking about the best self they would like to show up with- the values, presence, and tone they feel represents them best. What does that self feel like? What choices does it have? How would it respond to the same triggers ?

I would present this as a toolbox full of varied tools for different situations. Pick what fits, what feels right in the moment. Usually it will need to begin with a Pause or an interruption to the stress response firing- breathing, leaving the situation, going into the body, walking away, writing in a journal, etc. Important to acknowledge they won't be perfect, they might still do their old habits here and there, and that's ok, because they are learning a new way of being.

What is quite helpful to integrate within this step is the use of visualization exercises. We all visualize because we worry, which is basically projecting the worst case scenarios and outcomes. When we use all of our senses, and we become clear on the outcome and the consequences of our decisions, how the outcome looks and feels like, and create a vivid image with positive emotions, people are less likely to develop fear for the unknown, more confidence in the next steps ahead and gain greater clarity. Now they have a mental image of what their outcome is, and they have felt the emotions that come with challenges on the way towards their outcome. So the fear for the unknown will be felt in less intensity.

Options depend on your overall goal. The life is about relationships and communications again. If these are personal, then the best option is to use 'I feel xxx, when you do xxx' - discuss the behaviour that upsets you, not the person. Depending on whether you want to keep non-personal relationships or not (a major client, for example) - you might use the same tactics. Otherwise, the best option is to cool down - meditation, breathing, not responding to emails same day, etc.

A collaborative approach in this evaluation and decision-making could be very beneficial for the clients. Challenging and empower our clients to explore their preferences and goals, on their strengths, values, and personal interests. Then together evaluate the potential benefits and drawbacks of different strategies, considering factors such as feasibility, effectiveness, and compatibility with their lifestyle for example.

Suggest Lifestyle Changes Suggest Lifestyle Changes. Exercise, relaxation practices, sufficient sleep, and healthy eating habits help manage anger overall. Recommend making positive lifestyle adjustments. The plan should be tailored to the client's anger patterns and adjustable over time. Patience, , compassion, and consistency are key.

Anger is natural. So can’t and shouldn’t stuff it down. However wisdom lies in increasing the gap between the stimulus or trigger and the reaction. Remember that’s why we were told to count from 1-10 before answering. I have a few go-to solutions for my clients : 1. Go for a walk. It clears the head and increases the response gap 2. Write an angry letter to the person ( don’t send it to them) and then burn it 3. Imagine the other person is a cartoon character like Donald Duck or tweety & laugh in your head 4. Do tapping ( EFT) to process long term anger - works like magic Ultimately what works is the awareness that with inappropriate anger you become like a volcano that erupts and destroys everything in its path.

Definitely a clear and actionable plan should be in place, broken down into manageable tasks, but we need to collaboratively ensure that the plan aligns with their capabilities, resources, and timeline. Whenever check-in, some guidance and support is required, these can help them navigate any challenges or obstacles, and our encouragement, reassurance, and practical tips are important to keep them motivated and on track.

Important here is the support systems - both internal and external. Internal- Do they know what helps them de-escalate? Do they know their sensitivities to certain triggers and how to respond? Do they know what it feels like in their body when the anger is at a critical point? External- do they have a support crew, aware of their journey? Do they have regular contact with people who affirm and encourage their best qualities? Do they have people they trust to give timely and frank feedback? Do they know what to change in their environment to support their goals ?

In my experience, exercise helps to reduce stress, which is a culprit in anger. Jogging, running, swimming, and other such activity causes endorphins to be released in the body. When released, this hormone promotes well-being and relaxation while reducing stress. When done daily, exercise helps to reduce frustration and annoyance. Also, suggest a positive can-do approach to addressing whatever annoys them. One positive approach is to avoid expressing oneself when angry and aggressive to prevent escalating the situation. Self-expression should be done when one is calm. And it should be positive, not hostile and accusing. Another idea is taking timeout or short breaks during those times of the day that tend to be stressful and aggravating.

I've led groups helping women express their anger using bio-engergetic releasing techniques (squeezing/twisting a hand towel, using a bat or tennis racket to pound a billow, etc...) and in about 90% of the cases, women feel so incredibly empowered after they learn safe ways to get the anger OUT. I've seen people who have experienced depression begin to make movement in their lives after learning to get the anger out rather than internalizing it. Our anger can be SO powerful when clearly, cleanly and responsibly expressed. Unfortunately, our anger can damage us when it saturates inside of us and we turn it into self-hating comments, shoulds, self-criticism, and looped resentment and blaming.

Anger arises when our expectations are not met. Taking a pause for at least 10-20 seconds before reacting to anything will calm down our temper & give us time to think. Always look at the situation from a 3rd person's perspective & find out the positive intention behind every negative behavior. When we emphasize from being in other person's shoes, many a times we find that both persons are right from their own perspective. Anger is natural when our feelings are suppressed. Find out the root cause behind the arising anger. Think consciously what can I do to eradicate it permanently, If nothing can be done, why should I spoil my day, moments, & weeks just because something happened or someone reacted in an unacceptable way. Smile & Switch.

In my experience, understanding how we view anger within our personal life experience is essential. For example, I grew up being taught to suppress the emotion of anger. We could not show or express anger as it was a sign of disrespect and disrupting the household harmony. So then every emotion we suppress, persists and comes out either at the wrong time or accumulates physical health problems later on. Unfortunately the word 'negative' in emotions already causes a perception of wrong or I cannot feel this. Anger is a human emotion, and when we learn to channel this emotion in healthy and non-harmful way, we can transmute them into creative arts, deeper connections with others and share unmet emotional needs, or physical exercise.

Angry behaviour was learned from somebody in the closer family; and yes in the childhood. Most probably you've never liked that behaviour towards yourself - you felt helpless - this is indeed an unpleasant feeling. So in order to avoid feeling helpless back then you unconsciously decided to identifying with that person - and and doing the same to others now. As soon as you realise that and increase awareness, it should help.