How can you build resilience in your personal and professional life?

I've survived multiple near-death experiences that I recovered from or walked away from without harm or injury. When we have physical resilience missteps, we have a choice: 1 - give up and enter the mindset of woe is me or 2 - I CAN do this! I think the definition of physical resilience is determination, fortitude, pushing forward, and learning from our transgressions. I was dealt with two alcoholic parents who did not want children. Yet, with the help of the elders, I survived. In adulthood, I faced many barriers because of gender and race. However, faith pushed me to become a resilient person. Physical resilience comes after mental resilience. Intake and exercise are in moderation. Yoga provides peace. My businesses offer motivation.

Physical resilience is indeed an essential facet of overall well-being, especially in demanding or stressful environments. Maintaining optimal physical health isn't just about avoiding illness; it's also about enhancing your ability to cope with challenges, recover from setbacks, and even thrive under pressure. Factors like quality sleep, balanced nutrition, and regular exercise form the bedrock of physical resilience. For example, adequate sleep not only refreshes the mind but also plays a role in physical repair. Nutritional choices directly impact energy levels and cognitive function, as well as long-term health. Regular exercise not only builds physical strength but also releases endorphins.

Leaning into communal care is one of the most effective ways to build resilience in your life. Living in a world that is so obsessed with individualism puts strain on our ability to be helped. Hence, we take on more than we can bare and end up burnt out and unable. Fortifying ourselves by showing up in spaces where it's safe to be vulnerable and seek the physical, emotional and mental abundance of others in times when we need pouring into is the ultimate act of rest as a form of resistance and a builder of resilience.

Building resilience in both your personal and professional life is not solely about pushing harder and longer. It is about recognizing that rest is a powerful tool in your arsenal. Rest may not be the glorified answer, but it should undoubtedly be recognized as productive. Self-care is the linchpin of longevity, as exemplified by LeBron James, who, at nearly 39 years old, remains a dominant force in his 20-season career, investing nearly seven figures in his body. One essential element he mentions as the cornerstone of his routine: sleep. Neglecting rest is surely a way to diminish your personal and professional life, whereas embracing it can lead to a long lasting and enduring successful career full of excellent health and well-being.

I knew as an Emergency Medicine physician for 20+ years that if I didn't intentionally design a life of nutrition, rest, community, physical activity and fun that I would passively be designing a life of disease and decreased mobility. I have created a "blue zone" of health around me and I encourage others to do the same. Physical activity is a wonderful place to start. We can immediately feel successful about developing new habits of movement that anyone can build upon. You don't have to start out in the gym with 2 hours a session/4 times a week. You can start with 15 to 20 minutes of walking twice a week and build from there. Just start somewhere. The feeling of success with fuel you to continue.

I won't sugarcoat it – the recent days, months, and years have illuminated just how challenging this journey can be. It demands both physical and mental resilience because standing on the right side of history may entail parting ways with some friends and even family members who do not share your values. This can be emotionally taxing, especially when it feels like many aspects of life are beyond your control. However, I want to emphasize the importance of anchoring yourself in the significance of this work and the profound impact it can have on communities and lives. This sense of purpose will guide you through the tough times and help you navigate the complex terrain of making a difference in the world.

Spending the time to deeply get to know yourself can be a game changer in weathering challenging times. The more you understand your values, what brings you joy, and what you want out of life the more you can define your relationship with work in ways that are meaningful and support your personal growth and development. Taking the time to regularly check in with yourself, ask questions about what matters most to you, and keeping track of where you are succeeding and doing well can help you better know which opportunities to jump on, what to avoid, and how you can create the life you want to live.

Mental resilience is a misnomer. All neuroscience research shows that the brain is inherently skilled at resilience. Resilience is not some thing that you earn or go out and try to get a coach for. There is nothing wrong in doing so. However, evolution has given you the ability to be resilient already. It’s just taking the time and discovering skills that help you Flex the muscle of mental resilience. That will be extremely subjective. There is no one size fits all. But, can include things like meditation, spending time in the outdoors, emotional intelligence, and practice, and many other tools, and strategies that are available to everyone without payment. Mental resilience is the ultimate form of self-care. Don’t wait.

I've found Stoic thinking helpful here: Control what you can—e.g. your choices, desires, aversions, opinions, and what you give gratitude for. For the rest, don't worry. Ride the river. When feeling anxious, I've also found the following helpful: identifying my feelings, making plans to meet my needs even if no one else can help, somatic tapping (Google it if you don't know it), and unearthing negative core beliefs through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) protocols.

You must learn to compartmentalize. It's the only way to get to the other side sometimes. This is what I had to learn to do with the people in my life. Leave home at home and work at work.

One of the best pieces of advice I ever heard was to sit with your feelings. We tend to try to solution our way out of experiences that don't feel great, but experiencing the fullness of our emotions is key to building mental resilience. We learn more about ourselves and grow in emotional depth when we do this. A key tool to support sitting with your emotions is journaling. People sing the praises of journaling for good reason - it can help us to sort through our thoughts and give perspective as we document those thoughts over time. Journaling can be words from abstract thoughts, bullet points, a sentence, or pages. Find what works for you.

Resiliency in the business world is often glossed over and many annual HR reviews do not even include it, yet physical, mental, emotional and social resilience affects our daily lives. For the past 12 years, resiliency has been key as I deal with a son with mental health. As a mother, the wellbeing of our children is at the core of our existence. I continue to work hard with the help of my network, self-awareness, acquiring new skills and coping mechanisms and most recently purposely working on my health to build new habits to manage stressors better. For many, the first step is to come to terms with your needs. I feel privileged to share my story.

One thing I have found helpful is to not carry other people’s perceptions or emotions more than is healthy. In grad school I remember people always panicking when a due date was drawing near. Their anxiety became my anxiety even though I wasn’t feeling anxious. I learned to distance myself from situations that were unhealthy for me and my wellbeing.

“Develop enough courage so that you can stand up for yourself and then stand up for somebody else.” (Maya Angelou) In order to show up for others, you have to take care of your own house first. This is especially true in helping professions - teachers, doctors - or anyone working on social justice or climate issues. We confront trying problems, every day. Tending to our own heart and emotions must take priority so we can devote all that good energy to helping others.

I have learned that self-care is non-negotiable. I know this is a term that gets thrown out a lot, but it is truly important to engage in activities that recharge you. For me, that's dancing, spending time with friends and family, reading, and getting my nails done. I encourage folks to prioritize self-care like it's a vital part of your work, because it is. Self-care fuels your resilience.

Resilience is not just about bouncing back from life's trials; it's about rewriting the narrative. It's the art of standing tall in the face of adversity, of channeling stress into strength, and adapting with unwavering determination. Resilience is the bedrock of progress. And let us not overlook the power of community, for resilience is a collective journey. It's about standing shoulder to shoulder with those who share our vision. But Resilience should not be preached blindly without regard for the legacy of inequity, resilience is only as strong as the coalition and community supporting it.

The key to social resilience is connection. Take a moment to assess how connected you are feeling right now. How connected do you feel to work, to your family/friends, to yourself? What would it look like to feel more connected? The Surgeon General recently said that loneliness is an epidemic and it is the equivalent of smoking 15 cigarettes a day - yikes! As a leadership consultant I often hear from leaders and teams that they "don't have time for connection." I would argue that we don't have time to NOT connect. Through connection we can build trust and resilience to thrive in the good times, and to weather the difficult times.

One lesson I continue to practice is learning that my professional life does not represent me personally. It’s a job and it isn’t totally who I am. Building and nurturing friendships outside of work pays big dividends, if I take the time to grow them.

I just wrote about relationships when talking about emotional resilience. All forms of resilience are connected. Mindfulness supports social resilience by helping reduce social anxiety. Exercise can provide great opportunities to strengthen relationships--as we do with twice weekly outdoor workouts in East Boston. Volunteering together is another outstanding way to connect. By starting with the activities, places, etc. where we are most comfortable, we can spend more time connecting with each other and strengthen social resilience for ourselves--and those around us.

Have you heard of social capital? Researchers argue it's defined as the practical help that emerges from trusting relationships. There are three kinds. First is bonding social capital, which is the depth and quantity of relationships we have with people who are like us—i.e., similar race, religion, economic status, etc. Second is bridging social capital, which is the depth and quantity of relationships we have with people who are different than us in important ways. Lastly, linking social capital is when we have relationships with influencers or leaders who can make connections for us, help us get jobs, make recommendations, or teach us important things. Having strong bonding, bridging, and linking social capital is a game changer.

Conversely, resilience can turn toxic when individuals feel the need (rather than choosing) to be resilient in the face of adversity on a regular and ongoing basis. It’s important to check in with oneself on how frequently you have to suck it up or persevere through an unhealthy work situation or relationship. Take stock of when these moments are happening and who is involved. Evaluate if the resilience badge we sometimes wear (with pride) is causing high amounts of stress and spilling into other areas of life. It can be very easy to evaluate oneself as resilient when it may be a case of enduring a toxic/abusive workplace situation. It’s been many years since I learned that lesson, and I will never confuse one for the other again.

At the core, resilience is about connections and connectedness with oneself and other people in the community. Resilience provides a lifeline when life, inevitably, throws one a curve ball. The key is to trust in yourself, your own judgement, and that little voice in your head telling you to keep moving. I’ve seen clients with extensive trauma history, that would cripple some people, continue to fight for every step forward, asking for help along the way, and determined to succeed - even if they have no idea how they know they WILL. Resilience, and self-belief, is pivotal for individuals to not only recover but to thrive after adversity.

As a leader that has to cope with anxiety and depression (believe me, it’s no fun) a couple of things come to mind: 1. Establishing a narrative that will bring that drive you need to bounce back: Apply the hero journey into your own professional or personal trial. It’ll put you in the perspective of someone who has the power to overcome. It can help you remember your own potential to defeat your obstacles. 2. Adopting “mantras”: If you can remember a phrase, thought, word or even a song that gets you back in “the zone”, WRITE IT DOWN!!! By doing so you’ll be adopting a form of mantra. Now it’s become “your thing”; a personal weapon of choice against discouragement. It can help you bounce back and get the resilience you need to perform

I like to think of resiliency as a "capacity" issue. For example, to have capacity to play tennis you must do more than read about it or watch a video. To have capacity to play tennis you have to do more than hold a tennis racket and hit balls on a court once a month. You would have to commit to practice on a regular basis in order to develop as a player. Capacity building occurs with the discipline of consistency. It occurs when it has become a core value. For example, how would you schedule your time and your commitments if resiliency was a core value? Would your choices change? It is a wonderful exploration of self care that I hope all of us spend more time doing.

Nothing is perfect. To build resilience, you need to understand the good and the bad to help weather the storms. With each challenge, mistake, or moment of adversity make an effort to learn and do better next time. Don’t look at them as failures, look at them as lessons. Also! For longevity I think about something we used to focus on when I was a reading teacher. Find the students’ instructional level- where they will be challenged but not to a level they shut down or simple can’t do it. That way the most growth can occur!