How can you build rapport with a client who is skeptical about the benefits of change?

A key in this situation is establishing a trusting relationship. To get beyond their own agenda, a coach must deeply commit to the client's perspective and journey. Cultivate genuine curiosity and empathy by practicing active listening without planning responses. Embrace humility, recognizing that the client's experiences and insights are the core of the process. Let go of expectations and focus on the present moment, valuing the client's autonomy and wisdom. Regularly self-reflect to identify and set aside personal biases or goals. By truly prioritizing the client's needs and fostering a collaborative environment, the coach can build an authentic, trusting relationship

”It doesn't matter where you are coming from. All that really matters is where you are going." ~Brian Tracy No matter what has happened in the past, we as therapists are not to judge the client for anything. Often, the client will judge themselves far more than anyone else. After all, the client seeks our help to improve themself - and it might be the only time the person reaches out to anyone. Hence, we have a responsibility to meet the client in the present and do everything we can to give the best help. We don't necessarily need to like the person, but we need to show love to the person. After all, haven't we all made mistakes in the past and don't we all need someone to talk to from time to time?

We all struggle from time to time and often we need someone to help us change our current behavior. This can either be by helping us to (re)discover our highest values, helping us realize the consequences of our current behavior and help reminding what truly are the most important things in life for us. This can be done by finding wonderful memories and making them re-experience them in their minds by visualization - even in real life. Human nature is loss aversion and to prevent damage. We want to feel safe and hence repeat what we do because "it works" (keeps us alive without too much fear). Having the client realize, getting the conviction, that a new behavior will keep them even safer and lead to a better life, will lead to change.

Do you like being judged? I don't think so, and neither does any client. So, why judge them at all? This principle also applies to their beliefs and perspectives. As Samuel Butler said, "A man convinced against his will is of the same opinion still." The client needs to convince themselves, which is why reflective listening is so important. First, the client shares all their perspectives and frustrations about why something won't work. By actively listening and reflecting back, the client feels more at ease and relieved. Once the "cup is empty," we can nonjudgmentally reflect back the client's concerns with other questions. This approach opens up new perspectives, understanding, and insights.

When I'm working with a client who's unsure about change, I focus on boosting their confidence in their own abilities. First, we'll work to break things down into smaller, more manageable steps – it's less daunting that way. Then, I like to elicit talk of times they've succeeded in the past. It's amazing how often people forget their own strengths. Setting up small, achievable goals is another trick I use – it's all about building momentum. And of course, I'm always there to support them and to help celebrate their progress.

Self-efficacy is a term I often use with my clients. As a therapist in school and primary care, I've met many who lack self-belief. This usually stems from their upbringing, where they were told they couldn't succeed, bullied for failures, or convinced themselves that one failure meant they weren't capable. But as history has proven, many of the most famous people had difficulties in their area of expertise. In sessions, I remind clients of their past successes, what they did, and how it felt. Revisiting these memories, linking it with their challenge to boost their self-efficacy. As Henry Ford said "Whether you think you can, or you think you can't - you're probably right." Which underscores the power of self-efficacy.