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How can you balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator?

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As a mediator, you have a challenging role: you need to help parties in conflict reach a mutually acceptable resolution, while staying impartial and respectful of their emotions and perspectives. How can you balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator, without compromising your credibility or effectiveness? In this article, we will explore some tips and strategies to achieve this delicate balance.

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Mian Sheraz Javaid

Barrister | Arbitrator | Adjudicator | CEDR Accredited Mediator | Dispute Board Member | ADR Ambassador | Global Mental…
Branko Ljutitch

Full Professor | Finance | Accounting | Auditing | Agribusiness Management | ESG | Assurance | Consultancy
Daniela Tordoi

Integrative Psychotherapist, Certified Trainer and Writer

1 Understand the difference

Neutrality and empathy are not mutually exclusive, but they are different concepts. Neutrality means that you do not take sides, favor, or judge any party in the conflict. You do not impose your own opinions, values, or solutions on them. You treat them fairly and equally, and you focus on their interests and needs, not their positions or personalities. Empathy means that you try to understand and acknowledge the feelings, thoughts, and experiences of each party. You do not dismiss, minimize, or invalidate their emotions. You show them that you care and that you are listening to them. You use reflective and active listening skills to convey empathy.

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Mian Sheraz Javaid

Barrister | Arbitrator | Adjudicator | CEDR Accredited Mediator | Dispute Board Member | ADR Ambassador | Global Mental Health Ambassador
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As a mediator, balancing neutrality and empathy is critical. To maintain neutrality; one must adhere to legal principles and ensure an unbiased process, which includes facilitating discussions without favoring any side. Simultaneously, empathy plays a crucial role by understanding each party's position and emotions within and identifying underlying interests to find mutually acceptable solutions. The goal is to guide parties through the dispute while abiding by the mandated legal process while ensuring that the human element is not overlooked. This blend of procedural regularity and empathy is essential for an effective mediation.

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Daniela Tordoi

Integrative Psychotherapist, Certified Trainer and Writer
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Working with Couples Working with couples in therapy, one of the hardest aspects is that I am not allowed to remain attached to the justice of any of the two partners. I don't think you're becoming less empathetic when probity is required, I just think you have more work to do with yourself for being fair, and neutral. Remember why people (in this case couples) come to you. They don't need to be approved. They need to be listened to and to receive what they cannot provide: impartiality. That doesn't make you any less human. On the contrary. It is the true measure of your professionalism. In this equation you have the variables related to your fundamental structure and the acquired, learned, and practiced skills.

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Petra Wachter

Communication is key
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Wenn ich mich in einer Mediation neutral verhalte, gebe ich keine Bewertung zu den Aussagen und Reaktionen der Medianden ab, die dazu führen k?nnte, dass eine Partei sich einseitig von mir best?rkt fühlt und die andere sich einem ?Gegner mit seiner Anw?ltin“ gegenüber sieht. Im Gegenteil, ich schenke beiden gleich viel Aufmerksamkeit, Zeit, Geduld und Empathie, so dass beide maximales Vertrauen in das Verfahren und zu mir haben. Empathie bedeutet keine Parteinahme , sondern die F?higkeit, Emotionen zu verstehen, nachempfinden und einordnen zu k?nnen. Damit erkenne ich das, was die Medianden an positiven und negativen Gefühlen schildern, an und gebe ihnen den Raum, das miteinander zu verarbeiten. Neutralit?t und Empathie erg?nzen sich also!

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2 Establish ground rules

One way to balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator is to establish some ground rules at the beginning of the mediation process. These ground rules can help you set the tone and expectations for the parties, and also for yourself. For example, you can ask the parties to agree to respect each other, to listen without interrupting, to avoid personal attacks or insults, to share their views honestly and openly, and to cooperate with you and each other. You can also explain your role as a mediator, and how you will facilitate the communication, manage the time, and intervene when necessary. By setting these ground rules, you can create a safe and respectful space for the parties to express their emotions and perspectives, while also maintaining your neutrality and authority.

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Branko Ljutitch

Full Professor | Finance | Accounting | Auditing | Agribusiness Management | ESG | Assurance | Consultancy
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The final test of your success is at the end of the mediation process. I have mediated few times at the university, defending impartially young and rather weak staff against the bullies. It is not as complex and risky as it might look at at first glance. If you are persistent, stubborn, and know that you are doing the right thing public shall be sooner than later on your side, first intimately, than in the open,

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Inga Bühler

Konfliktmanagement | neutral. diskret. vertraulich.
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Empathie und Neutralit?t sind auf jeden Fall sehr wichtige Aspekte. Bezüglich der erw?hnten Grundregeln ist es für mich wichtig, dass die Konfliktparteien diese ?Spielregeln“ zu Beginn selbst nennen. So muss ich nicht sagen, dass ich keine Unterbrechungen oder Beleidigungen m?chte, denn das m?chten die Konfliktparteien selbst nicht. Wichtig ist auch zu fragen, ab wann eine Aussage überhaupt als Beleidigung empfunden wird. Das ist jeweils sehr unterschiedlich und muss gefragt werden.

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3 Use appropriate language

Another way to balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator is to use appropriate language that reflects both aspects. For example, you can use neutral and inclusive language that avoids bias, blame, or labels. You can use words like "we", "us", "you both", or "the parties" instead of "you" or "them". You can also use empathic and supportive language that validates and encourages the parties. You can use words like "I understand", "I appreciate", "I hear you", or "I see" instead of "I agree", "I disagree", "I think", or "I know". You can also use open-ended questions, paraphrasing, summarizing, and reframing techniques to help the parties clarify their issues, explore their feelings, and generate options.

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Inga Bühler

Konfliktmanagement | neutral. diskret. vertraulich.
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Es ist sehr wichtig, dass ein Mediator die Aussagen der Konfliktparteien in eigenen Worten wiederholt und nachfragt, ob das Wiederholte passend ist. So bekommt jeder Teilnehmer die M?glichkeit, sich richtig auszudrücken und verstanden zu werden.

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4 Manage your emotions

A third way to balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator is to manage your own emotions during the mediation process. You may encounter situations that trigger your own feelings of anger, frustration, sadness, or sympathy. You may also feel stressed, tired, or overwhelmed by the complexity or intensity of the conflict. These emotions can affect your ability to stay neutral and empathic. Therefore, you need to be aware of your emotional reactions, and use self-care and coping strategies to regulate them. For example, you can use breathing exercises, positive affirmations, mindfulness, or breaks to calm yourself down. You can also use supervision, peer support, or professional help to debrief and reflect on your experiences.

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Inga Bühler

Konfliktmanagement | neutral. diskret. vertraulich.
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Für mich sind Supervisionen und Intervisionen ein sehr wichtiger Bestandteil, um Mediationen zu verarbeiten. Denn natürlich haben wir zu den Konflikten auch eine Meinung, die wir uns aber nicht anmerken lassen dürfen. Daher bringe ich meine aktuellen F?lle gerne mit in die Supervision und nicht erst, wenn ich damit abschliessen m?chte. Hypothesen und andere Einsch?tzungen sind für Mediatoren sehr wichtig.

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5 Seek feedback and improvement

A final way to balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator is to seek feedback and improvement on your skills and performance. You can ask the parties, your colleagues, your supervisors, or your mentors for constructive feedback on how you handled the mediation process, and how you balanced neutrality and empathy. You can also use self-assessment tools, such as journals, checklists, or surveys, to evaluate your strengths and weaknesses, and to identify areas for improvement. You can also use learning opportunities, such as training, coaching, or mentoring, to enhance your knowledge and skills, and to learn from best practices and examples.

Balancing neutrality and empathy as a mediator is not easy, but it is possible and rewarding. By following these tips and strategies, you can improve your mediation and facilitation skills, and help parties in conflict achieve satisfactory and sustainable outcomes.

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Inga Bühler

Konfliktmanagement | neutral. diskret. vertraulich.
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Hier m?chte ich gerne erg?nzen, dass es sich lohnt, nach jeder einzelnen Sitzung kurz nachzufragen. Für manche geht es z.B. zu schnell oder zu langsam und nur durch die Nachfrage findet ein Mediator heraus, wie die n?chste Sitzung passender gestaltet werden kann.

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6 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?

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Jonathan Covington

Writer, Ponderer ...
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Care. I've been let go more than once. (What could more qualify as mediation or arbitration than a lay-off?) Only once did I feel heard or recognized. Just remember that whoever you're dealing with, no matter the disagreement or incongruity, is a real human being. No matter the outcome, plant a good seed.

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Inga Bühler

Konfliktmanagement | neutral. diskret. vertraulich.
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Man kann nicht mit jedem Fall, nicht mit jedem Mensch und nicht mit jedem Thema immer allparteilich und neutral sein. Wenn es wirklich nicht passt, dann sollte man als Mediator konsequent sein und nicht mit dem Prozess starten, sondern lieber einen anderen Kollegen empfehlen.

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How can you balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator?

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3

4

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6

1 Understand the difference

2 Establish ground rules

3 Use appropriate language

4 Manage your emotions

5 Seek feedback and improvement

6 Here’s what else to consider

Conflict Management

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How can you balance neutrality and empathy as a mediator?

1

2

3

4

5

6

1 Understand the difference

2 Establish ground rules

3 Use appropriate language

4 Manage your emotions

5 Seek feedback and improvement

6 Here’s what else to consider

Conflict Management

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