How can you avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback?

1 Understand your triggers

One of the first steps to avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback is to identify what triggers your defensiveness. For example, you might feel defensive when you perceive the feedback as unfair, inaccurate, personal, or threatening. By recognizing your triggers, you can prepare yourself mentally and emotionally to respond calmly and constructively. You can also ask yourself why the feedback triggers you and what underlying beliefs or assumptions you have about yourself, the feedback giver, or the situation.

2 Listen actively and empathetically

Another key step to avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback is to listen actively and empathetically to the feedback giver. This means paying attention to their words, tone, body language, and emotions, and showing interest and curiosity. You can also use paraphrasing, summarizing, and asking questions to clarify and confirm your understanding of the feedback. By listening actively and empathetically, you can show respect and appreciation for the feedback giver, and avoid misinterpreting or jumping to conclusions.

3 Manage your emotions and reactions

A third step to avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback is to manage your emotions and reactions. This means acknowledging and accepting your feelings, but not letting them overwhelm or dictate your behavior. You can also use breathing, relaxation, or positive self-talk techniques to calm yourself down and cope with stress. Additionally, you can avoid reacting impulsively or aggressively by taking a pause, a break, or a time-out before responding to the feedback. This can help you think clearly and rationally, and avoid saying or doing something you might regret later.

4 Seek feedback from multiple sources

A fourth step to avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback is to seek feedback from multiple sources. This means asking for feedback from different people, such as your colleagues, managers, clients, or mentors, and from different perspectives, such as your strengths, weaknesses, goals, or performance. By seeking feedback from multiple sources, you can get a more balanced and comprehensive view of your interpersonal communication skills, and avoid relying on one single source of feedback that might be biased, incomplete, or inaccurate.

5 Focus on learning and improvement

A fifth step to avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback is to focus on learning and improvement. This means seeing feedback as a valuable source of information and guidance, not as a judgment or criticism of your worth or competence. You can also use feedback as a motivation and inspiration to enhance your interpersonal communication skills, and set specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and timely (SMART) goals to track your progress. Moreover, you can seek feedback regularly and proactively, and celebrate your achievements and successes.

6 Respond positively and constructively

A sixth and final step to avoid becoming defensive when receiving feedback is to respond positively and constructively to the feedback giver. This means expressing your gratitude and appreciation for the feedback, and acknowledging the effort and intention behind it. You can also share your thoughts and feelings about the feedback, and explain how you plan to use it to improve your interpersonal communication skills. Furthermore, you can invite further feedback, suggestions, or support from the feedback giver, and maintain a positive and collaborative relationship with them.

7 Here’s what else to consider

This is a space to share examples, stories, or insights that don’t fit into any of the previous sections. What else would you like to add?