Here's how you can handle feedback you disagree with professionally and constructively.

One thing I have found helpful is to ket th eperson know your curious and ask for more details or information. It helps to counteract defensiveness and open your mindset.

I agree that controlling your breathing is a good start. I also find that keeping curious and recognising that the feedback is their perspective and listening doesn't mean you agree.

It’s okay to take more than a few seconds to think about it. If you hear the other person out but still disagree, it’s fine to say, “Thanks for the feedback. I need some time to think about that. I’ll be back later with my thoughts.” Then take the time you need to find that person’s point and an appropriate response. This is breathing room, not an avoidance tactic.

Separate the actual from the perceived. We all speak and perceive things from the context of our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values. Nearly all difficult conversations occur because people act on what they perceive someone’s thoughts, feelings, beliefs and values are, but research shows that these perceptions of others are frequently inaccurate. That means we often react to what we think is there instead of what really is there, so it’s important to pause and question if our perception is what was actually intended.

Connecting to the previous section, it’s also okay to ask questions later rather than in the moment. It may take longer to resolve the issue than the other party wants, but it makes it more likely that you’ll resolve the issue instead of obscuring or postponing it to arise again.

Asking a few open-ended, clarifying questions about the feedback can go a long way towards generating understanding and creating a foundation for learning. You might disagree with some of it, so look for what part of the feedback could be helpful or useful. Also, remember it’s not all about you. When feedback is given it’s easy to personalize it, but keep in mind that the person giving the feedback is telling you something from their own perspective and is delivering the message as best as they know how. That doesn’t mean the feedback should be minimized or dismissed, but it does mean you can help reduce any reactive responses you might have by separating the content from who or how it’s delivered.

Seek to understand. Be curious. Identify gaps. - By actively seeking to understand the other person's perspective, being curious about their reasoning, and identifying the specific areas of disconnect or misalignment, you can approach feedback disagreements with a constructive mindset. This approach not only fosters better communication and mutual respect but also opens opportunities for growth and improvement in your professional interactions.

Listen, listen listen. And try to understand where they’re coming from so much so that you can respond back to them with what they want. Ask questions. Be open.

Remain curious. It’s been said that the best leaders are those who are curious because they stay open to learning. When we are open to hearing what others have to say, even when it’s not positive, we can do a better job reducing reactive responses and learn more about ourselves. Try and take the position of someone who is exploring instead of interpreting.