Dealing with a defensive team member's leadership style: Are you ready to navigate feedback effectively?

When I notice a team member reacting defensively to feedback (whether mine or from colleagues), I would definitely try to understand their concerns and different points of view. From my experience, various factors can be considered, such as unclear communication, the team member not feeling included in the discussion, or the perception that they may not be happy working within the company. My response would be to have a conversation with the team member to evaluate the reason for the defensive reaction. In most cases, this will clarify the situation and allow me to see how I can provide support and reinstate my trust within the team contribution.

One thing I try my best to do is acknowledge the individual’s concerns or apprehensions up front. Maybe begin the conversation with “I absolutely understand how you may be concerned about…” or “your apprehension is understandable considering…” followed up by asking what could be done to encourage their trust. I find it’s easier to disarm a defensive person by showing genuine concern before attempting to resolve whatever issue is at play.

What goes around comes around, As a leader if you also start behaving rudely on a defensive attitude of your follower ( employee) , then he will not hesitate to react similarly. The best policy is to make the employee feel a negative feedback will not result in penalisation but would help in fine- tuning the existing skills and abilities leading to growth in career . This can be done by giving the feedback in such a way that the “so called problems” are highlighted as “doors to a new way “ of performing the task in more efficient and effective manner . It will not only help you earn a respect in their eyes , but also avoid a defensive approach towards negative feedbacks

Effective communication is a two way street. Sometimes the best way to communicate is to stop and fully listen. Being present is more than an in person experience, it is a welcoming to some possible uncomfortable feedback. It’s what we do with that information that will make the biggest difference.

La clave: Crear un entorno de seguiridad: Para fomentar la comunicación abierta, es importante crear un espacio seguro donde los colaboradores se sientan cómodos expresando sus pensamientos sin temor a ser juzgados. Establece pautas claras para una comunicación respetuosa y responsabilice a todos por mantener una atmósfera positiva e inclusiva. Esto sin duda ayudará a crear un espacio donde todos hablen.

Dealing with defensiveness as a leader involves addressing the "Four Horsemen"—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Criticism targets personal traits rather than specific actions; focus on constructive, actionable feedback. Contempt undermines respect with sarcasm or mockery; maintain a respectful tone and show appreciation. Defensiveness involves excuses or counterattacks; model openness and accountability. Stonewalling means withdrawing from conversations; foster open dialogue and address concerns directly. By managing these behaviors, you create a more supportive and communicative team environment.

Wichtig ist es, das beobachtete Verhalten zu beschreiben, aber nicht zu bewerten oder zu verurteilen. Stattdessen versuchen, durch gezielte Nachfragen und aktives Zuh?ren die Gründe für das Verhalten zu vermitteln und im Idealfall gemeinsam L?sungen zu entwickeln.

When clients come to me with this very common problem in the modern-day workplace, my first recommendation is the book, "Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, Third Edition" by the vital smarts group. In this book, there is a very specific, step-by-step, strategy to communicate effectively when emotions run high, stakes are on the line, and we aren't going to see things eye-to-eye. It's called the S.T.A.T.E method and works if you work it. I say you have to practice because our human brains are wired for fight (violence) or flight (silence) during tough discussions, and this technique helps you practice how to avoid that, and how you diffuse the other person too.

Timing is crucial in addressing any kind of defensiveness, whether from leadership or any team member. Here are some tips: Choose a neutral time: Avoid moments of high stress or tight deadlines. After achievements: Engage when morale is high, post-success. Prepare the ground: Inform them in advance to expect a conversation. Regular check-ins: Establish these to avoid the sense of a sudden confrontation. Be patient: Allow time for reflection after discussions. Good timing can make the difference between a defensive reaction and a constructive conversation.

As a leader, you want your feedback to be received positively and effectively, right? Start by choosing the right moment for the conversation. Think about when your team member is most open to listening. Avoid times when they’re stressed or in public, as this can make them defensive. Instead, find a private, comfortable setting for a one-on-one chat. This creates a space where honest dialogue can flourish, helping your team member reflect and improve without feeling attacked or defensive.

When dealing with a defensive team member or any other team member it's essential to remember that we are dealing with human full of emotions so the approach to situation should be empathetic. Begin by creating a safe environment where they feel heard and understood. Emphasize collaboration and the shared goal of team success. Offering constructive feedback while highlighting their strengths can also help reduce defensiveness. Consistent, open dialogue can foster trust and help the team member become more receptive to feedback.

Timing greatly impacts how feedback is received in team building because it affects the context and receptiveness of the feedback. Providing feedback promptly allows issues to be addressed while they are still relevant and fresh, enhancing its effectiveness and allowing for immediate improvement. Conversely, delayed feedback can lead to misunderstandings or resentment, as the context may change or the recipient may become defensive. Timely feedback fosters a culture of continuous improvement and trust, ensuring that team members are more likely to be open to constructive criticism and use it to enhance their performance.

Time management is essential for ensuring effective leadership and management performance in any entity. If you want to achieve.

Trust is fundamental in every relationship and helps creating physiological safety. Feedbacks are more likely to be embraced when mutual trust exists. Trust is comprised of: Transparency Respect Unity Support Team work

I would add that professional development pathways must be cogenerated and iterative to be effective. Top down development assignments are typically harmful to recipients and organizations.

Trust is very important. If the team member is defensive, approach the situation with curiousity. Instead of telling the team member what to do, ask questions to make him/her feel seen and heard.

Trust is key to successful relationships, it takes years to build, but can be ruined in seconds…By default there should be a foundation of natural trust and empathy which some can build onto. Never misuse the trust given.

Trust is the NUMBER ONE fundamental and should be established as soon as possible! CLEAR communication, APPROPRIATE expectations given the current project load, RESPECT & KNOWLEDGE for what your employee knows and what you hired them for. If you provide this from the start, you will start building trust from day one. If you build trust from day one, providing criticism and feedback will be received more openly and you will have a better understanding of how to deliver based on their personalities. Join your team for lunch, don't force it. Have one-on-ones in non-conventional ways (a walk, over lunch, grabbing coffee off-site). Managers are teammates too. If you don't get to know your team, you won't build trust - leading to disconnection.

Encouraging self-reflection allows gaining insights into their behavior, making them embrace personal growth and improve their receptiveness to feedback. This method has proven effective over time

Self reflection is the highest form of feedback that one can provide to themself. Being able to reflect on the things happened/done and learning from it for the benefit of your team (sharing experiences and providing feedback) and for your personal growth.

Dealing with a defensive team member's leadership style can be challenging, but it's essential for team growth. Encourage self-reflection to help them understand their defensive reactions. Provide tools for self-assessment, allowing them to identify areas for improvement and take ownership of their growth. This reduces their reliance on external validation and criticism. Self-reflection also fosters a culture of continuous learning within the team, enhancing psychological safety and promoting open communication. By addressing these challenges, you add value and create a more cohesive and resilient team.

If I have been observing someone doing a task I like to use phrases like -"how are you feeling after that?" -"How do you think that went?" - "Well done, how do you feel?" These questions open the floor for someone to be open and honest about their own performance. People can be their own biggest critic and have a tendency to look for the negatives so we don't have to point them out. I can then focus on the developmental feedback - "how might you do things differently the next time?" - "What support would you like from me?" It's often how we deliver the feedback that leads to the defensive wall up.

In addition to providing constructive feedback, balance it with positive reinforcement. Recognize and praise improvements and successes to reinforce desired behaviors. For instance, I had a team member who was initially defensive about feedback. I made it a point to acknowledge their progress and successes regularly. This positive reinforcement helped build their confidence and reduced their defensiveness over time. By celebrating their achievements, you create a supportive environment where feedback is more readily accepted and integrated into their growth.

Dar seguimiento es una oportunidad de que el compa?ero realice de mejor manera las cosas y vea que se preocupan por el no solo se le dio la autoreflexion se le reunió y se le dijo que había realizado mal sino que está pendiente de que el haya mejorado y lo realice de mejor manera